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I'm new in this forum... worsening OCD
Okay, so I had (another) psych exam the other day, and was told that my OCD is worse now than before: was mild bfore, not it's not. I'm worried about that. I take several meds for mental issues already. Then my son passed, and since then, I have done some strange things. I got a tattoo, which I would have never done before. It has my kid's names on it. I collect odd things: rubber bands by the handful, small rubber toys like little animals I can hold a squish (I have about 75 of these now, half of which I keep in my purse), AND KNIVES. I now am up to NINE, which I keep on my person and in my purse and my car. What do I do? I am new to OCD behaviros of this type. Thanks - Blu
Sorry for the delay...I haven't been able to sign on. Some kind of glitch with the website. I think whatever helps you to realize what you are doing instead of just running on autopilot is good. For my checking I use verbal cues so, the tin foil is just a visible one. And remember to breathe and continue to breathe until you feel better. Let me know how it goes.
Would it be a helpful thing for me if I were to, say, tape a bit of tin foil to the A/C knob, so when I reach for it, I will notice it's different and remember not to do it?
You have to stop doing the behavior. So what I do is a bit of self-coaching so for checking I will say "The door is locked" and then I walk away. When I have that moment of panic I absolutely do not go back. I remember what I said and if I have any issues I do my controlled breathing. Deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and count this out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth.
So get in the car. Say out loud "I AM NOT TURNING THE AIR CONDITIONING ON...ENOUGH!" and then start your drive. If you have panic then you can do the controlled breathing. If you need a distraction you can make words out of people's license plates. Seems like a good place to start to reverse these behaviors.
So get in the car. Say out loud "I AM NOT TURNING THE AIR CONDITIONING ON...ENOUGH!" and then start your drive. If you have panic then you can do the controlled breathing. If you need a distraction you can make words out of people's license plates. Seems like a good place to start to reverse these behaviors.
Do you think that distracting myself from unwanted, repeated behaviors would work, or help? I will 'focus' on doing some particular thing for awhile, up to a month thus far. It takes me awhile to recognize it as OCD behavior. When I attempt to stop an unwanted behavior, I feel nervous about it, like I should be doing it. It's wacky. Example: it is winter where I live now. When it's time to get into the car and go to work, I get in and turn on the AIR CONDITIONING, even though it's freezing outside, because I did that all summer, and now I think I have to do it. I even get ready for it by dressing extra-warm because the car will be cold. I HATE THIS CRAP. Thank you for your help... - Blu
Hi Blu. It sounds like you are doing just about all you can do at the moment. The OCD is a problem with our brain chemistry - we are just wired differently than most people and we can't switch away from upsetting thoughts as easily. I have found that as time passes, the thoughts that bother me don't come as often and aren't as severe. I'm hoping that this will be the case for you.
Hi Blu....It is very hard to understand OCD because honestly some of the things I worry about, the things that make me massively lose it, are stupid. The ones where you would think I would be justified in losing it, I don't. It is a mystery. What one person feels compelled to do, others do not. So I don't think there is really and end point where we "understand" OCD I think because each person's brain chemistry is different as is each person's life experience.
You are on quite a bit of medication compared to me. I take Wellbutrin XL 300 mg once a day and 1 mg of klonopin at night to sleep. It would be hard to know if one of your meds stopped working as well as it used to.
I wish I had an answer for you. I think though that when it gets bad, when we are in what I call crisis mode, that therapy is the only answer left to us. If we can't do it with our coping skills be it CBT or skills that we ourselves have learned along the way, and the medication isn't quite getting us to where we want to be, then talk therapy is it. You have had one of the worst things happen that a parent can undergo and that is the reason you are in crisis.
You are on quite a bit of medication compared to me. I take Wellbutrin XL 300 mg once a day and 1 mg of klonopin at night to sleep. It would be hard to know if one of your meds stopped working as well as it used to.
I wish I had an answer for you. I think though that when it gets bad, when we are in what I call crisis mode, that therapy is the only answer left to us. If we can't do it with our coping skills be it CBT or skills that we ourselves have learned along the way, and the medication isn't quite getting us to where we want to be, then talk therapy is it. You have had one of the worst things happen that a parent can undergo and that is the reason you are in crisis.
Hi, Sparky. Thank you for your response. I know how to meditate very well, and have been known to meditate in my yard or in the park for up to 90 minutes. :-) I enjoy yoga as well. It has been nearly impossible for me to meditate since PJ's passing. I am very sensitive to whispers from beyond the veil when I meditate, and PJ comes to 'see' me, as well as others who have passed that I love. I find this difficult because he feels SO close, and I can't just grab him out of Heaven and into my arms. That hurts. No, I wouldn't want to stay anywhere but home. This is where the rest of my family is, and it is my sacred space where I can do as I please, come and go as I please, etc. I am not a social person. I would choose to be alone over going to some bbq at someone's house. I like people. Just not lots of them, and not if I feel obligated to entertain them. I'm just trying to understand this whole OCD thing... anyone? Thank you - Blu
Also, I was just thinking - is there a friend that you can stay with for a while? A change of surroundings might help you feel a bit more comfortable, even if it's just for a short time.
Hi Blu. I have had some tough times in my life but I can't even imagine going through what you are. Other than medication, the only things I can recommend are getting exercise and meditation. Even just going for a walk with a friend will do you good. If you have never tried meditation before, it basically gets your mind in the present moment - not thinking about the past or worrying about the future. It takes a little practice but you can start by sitting somewhere comfortable and breathing slowly through your nose. As you breathe in, simply think "I am breathing in" as you breathe out think "I am breathing out". When you concentrate on just your breathing, you can't think about anything else. Try doing it for 5 minutes at first and then slowly increase your time. There are plenty of books and Internet sites that can give you pointers if you feel it helps. I know you may not have much of an appetite at the moment, but don't forget to eat three regular meals a day. I will say a prayer for you.
Thank you for your response. Yes, I have been relying on my meds, and not increasing any dosages because I am already on heavy doses: Zoloft 100mg 1x a day, Vistaril 50mg 2x a day (but it is prn, so I could take less or one more during the day if needed), Tramadol two 50mg pills 3x a day, Klonopin 1mg 4x a day (but I have only been taking three), Ambien 10mg prn (have not taken this recently), and Seroquel 200mg at bed time.
Yes, the squishy toys are for stress releif, as well as the rubber bands: I ALWAYS have something to play with in my hands, even at work, I have to put down my toy to help people, but then I pick it up again right away.
It is hard for me to talk about my son's death, but I will say what I can. He is 23 years old, living 900 miles away from me. One day he comes to the house he is living in with 11 other family/friends. He stabs his step-uncle to death. He then picks up a gun and to use it on his own head.
No, I cannot talk about PJ in the past tense. I get upset when other people do it, too.
I do definitely feel paranoid about his father, because I have no way of knowing if he wants me dead for some twisted reason over this. Or if he would want to hurt my family, or if he would spend the money to get here to do just that.
Thank you - Blu
Yes, the squishy toys are for stress releif, as well as the rubber bands: I ALWAYS have something to play with in my hands, even at work, I have to put down my toy to help people, but then I pick it up again right away.
It is hard for me to talk about my son's death, but I will say what I can. He is 23 years old, living 900 miles away from me. One day he comes to the house he is living in with 11 other family/friends. He stabs his step-uncle to death. He then picks up a gun and to use it on his own head.
No, I cannot talk about PJ in the past tense. I get upset when other people do it, too.
I do definitely feel paranoid about his father, because I have no way of knowing if he wants me dead for some twisted reason over this. Or if he would want to hurt my family, or if he would spend the money to get here to do just that.
Thank you - Blu
Hi there Blu. Are you relying solely on your medication to help with your OCD issues? Your son's passing has added that extra layer of stress on you which doesn't surprise me that you are having more problems than you previously did. Have you upped any of your meds since your son's passing and your increase in OCD?
The tattoo doesn't bother me of course because I think it is a natural knee jerk reaction to want to keep your kids close and tattooing them on your person is a way to do that. The squishy animals...these can be used for stress. Are they something you reach for when you feel more stressed?
The kinives....hmmm....how did your son die? Was it by violence? Is this a knee jerk reaction to wanting to keep yourself safe, your family safe?
The tattoo doesn't bother me of course because I think it is a natural knee jerk reaction to want to keep your kids close and tattooing them on your person is a way to do that. The squishy animals...these can be used for stress. Are they something you reach for when you feel more stressed?
The kinives....hmmm....how did your son die? Was it by violence? Is this a knee jerk reaction to wanting to keep yourself safe, your family safe?
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