Intrusive Thoughts, I think

Hey Everyone!

I'm a teenager, and I believe I am suffering from OCD. Here are some of the symptoms I have:
- Sometimes feeling the need to re-do something until it's done perfectly
- Going back and making sure something is done perfectly (ie, the light is off, etc)

And then a new symptom, that made me realize the above symptoms were tied to OCD probably:

One day a thought popped into my head about what it would be like to be a transgender/transsexual -- something I have NEVER thought about before in my life (17yrs). I have no issues with my male gender, etc, but this thought -- I can't get it to leave my head. I try, but I can't stop thinking about it. I know I'm a man, and I like being a man --  but this thought won't leave my head. I guess this could be similar to HOCD, just except instead of worrying about sexual orientation, I'm worrying about gender. I'm a guy -- and I like being one, and never, never, before the day that thought popped into my head had I ever thought otherwise. How can I stop thinking about this? It's causing me a lot of stress/anxiety, and is very distracting.

[JGF25]

Hi there and welcome to the OCD forum.

It does sound all OCD related but the first thing you need to do is get a formal diagnosis of OCD by a psychologist.  From there you and your psychologist can figure out what is the best course of action for you.  It could be that you would learn cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and that will help you with the problem or conversely you and ther psychologist can discuss medication options.  

The first step though is to get your parents to make you an appointment with a psychologist.  You are a checker, things have to be done perfectly and you are having irrational thoughts.  Tell your parents you need to get a handle on this behavior now before it spirals out of control.  

The thoughts that disturb us the most are the ones that stay.  It doesn't mean you want to be transgender but rather this thought is so NOT you that you are fighting it and therefore it is going to hang around.  You need to learn the technqiues to let these types of thoughts go.  

Good luck and keep us posted.  

[Poo44clooner]

I suffer from OCD as well, the symptoms you have resemble the ones that I had before I got better with meds.  I was into checking, being a perfectionist, and I had some very strange thoughts like everytime I hit a bump on the road I was sure I killed someone so I would go around that same area to find the body.  I would have thoughts of murders that I had done or will do, and also questions about my gender.  I am a female who is a heterosexual.  It is the OCD that is making you have these strange  thoughts.  You need to tell your psychiatrist about all of these thoughts, no matter how embarrassing and he will try to get you on the best meds to control the OCD.
Just remember it is not you but the OCD and you need meds for that.
Good luck,
Angela

[planesrfun]

I'm not really sure how to tell my parents all this -- I don't have a good relationship with them at all. It's really tough, because I can't really talk to them about anything (because of the bad relationship with them). My dad has the perfectionist/clean part of OCD -- everything has to be done perfectly, I guess I've inherited a little bit of it, but more of the thoughts version. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him, while driving me away from him because I can't stand that everything I do isn't perfect enough for him. It seems his OCD has destroyed the relationship we used to have.

[JGF25]

I understand.  I participated in an OCD study along with my family members and I believe they are coming to the conclusion that OCD can be hereditary.  

How about a school counselor?  Do you think you can talk to them about this?  They provide a social worker at my work and I had a few sessions with her and it was very helpful.  So maybe your school counselor can help you.  All of this is confidential so there is nothing to be embarassed about.  

Also there is a book called The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  I know you can get it on Amazon but I'm sure that your local bookstore could order it for you.  I have not used it personally but I know that a lot of other people on this forum have used it and have found it to be a benefit.  

Of course, you can always post on here as well.  We will listen to you but I'm sorry to say that us listening probably won't make the problem go away.  But if it makes you feel better, then by all means post and I'll respond and help you anyway I can.  I too have a 17 year old son and I wouldn't want him to be going through this alone.  

Take care.

[planesrfun]

Thanks. I know I'm not a transgender, but I can't seem to get the thought out of my mind, and/or stop picturing myself as being so. It's causing a lot of anxiety, and I wish I knew how to stop it. Even when I'm not thinking about it, per say, it's still in the back of my mind. Like, I can't shake the thought. Is this normal with OCD?

[JGF25]

Absolutely it is normal.  I got the thought into my head that maybe I was a lesbian and I was married at the time.  Imagine the most absurd thoughts and that is what comes to mind with OCD.  It is always something that is off the wall.  The more bizarre it is the more we latch onto it because of the whole "what-if" thing that we are prone to.  I found it was always something that was not the norm.  Not socially acceptable.  At least not back when I was having these types of thoughts.  

[planesrfun]

Thanks. I'm gay, and I'm not questioning whether I'm gay or not. In fact, realizing I was gay was simple -- just, hm, I like guys. Simple. I actually had a OCD thing where I thought I was straight and that was all I could think about for a few days, that went away and then came on round of the whole transgender thing. I originally suppressed it (not knowing why I was having these thoughts); and then it came back after the whole straight thing. I'm absolutely fine being a gay male, I wish I would stop having these thoughts. Your absolutely right -- it's the what if that I latch on to and that drives me crazy. Are there medications that help this, or is it therapy?

[JGF25]

Actually it is a combination of both at least for me..  And the gender issue does work both ways.  There are lesbian women and gay men on here that wonder if they are straight and vice versa so don't think you are alone in that one.  I think the first thing to start with is the book since you don't feel you can talk to your parents.  The book will teach you cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to help you combat these thoughts.  

The thoughts are believed to arise from a lack of serotonin in the brain and the medications that are most widely used are serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs and they allow for more serotonin to be available for your brain cells to communicate and regulate mood.  

[planesrfun]

It causes unbearable amounts of anxiety. It's very frustrating; but since my relationship with my parents are nearly non existent, I do not feel comfortable expressing any of this to them. Not to mention, I don't have a boyfriend, or any close friend to really talk about the way I feel. It's pretty lonely, actually. If I were to bring it to my parents, they wouldn't just say something like "OCD is about being a perfectionist" or something, and wouldn't understand about these thoughts that I have. It's like talking to a brick wall, really, it is.

[planesrfun]

I've also been recently depressed due to bullying from my sexuality, isolation, etc, so I don't think it could get any worse than this. I really hope I can lead a normal lifestyle without OCD getting in the way. It's very...depressing, I guess. It adds to my depression.

[planesrfun]

Also, for some reason, lately I have had this urge to be mean to my cats. I have this urge to cause pain to them. And when I do, keep in mind I love my cats, I feel horrid inside. But this urge to be mean to them and cause then pain bothers be. Could this be OCD related?

[JGF25]

Absolutely.  I thought I would harm the people I love.  It is all part of the irrational thought process.  Somehow you need to get help.  Start with the book if you can, if that doesn't help then you need to find a way to at least see a counselor.  If you are being bullied then you should definitely see a counselor.  The school has got to have one and bullying is something that should never be tolerated in any school sitution.  But remember, they cannot help you if they don't know about it.  

I don't know what to say about your parents and your inability to talk to them about this.  Is there a way you can spin it so that you say something like you are not sleeping at night and you don't feel well during the day so that you can see a general doctor at least?  Then tell your mom or dad you want to go back alone if they want to come with you.  I let my 17 year old go back without me.  He could be saying anything back there and I wouldn't know it.  I'm not an advocate for lying but you need help and if this is what you have to do, stretch the truth a little bit, then so be it.  You aren't really feeling well so that isn't a lie.  

What you can't do is do nothing.  

[planesrfun]

Its not that I really envision it, I just have this really odd urge to do it. And after I did it I felt horrible but the urge didn't go away. I don't really think about it until I'm around them, and I try to hold back the urge as much as possible. It seems all day I'm what-iffing it. I look at a girl and go "do I want to be like that" , and think, no of course not. But they I think, what if? It's so confusing.

[planesrfun]

I can't believe what I just did. I just made the cat that I love so much and that loves me back hate me. No, I didn't abuse it -- I love it. But, I did everything I could without harming the cat to make it hate me. I don't know why I did it. She won't even come near me now. She hates me. I have no clue why I did this; I don't if she'll ever be able to overcome it. I can't believe it. Why?

[FreshGuy]

Recently I have been having the same intrusive thought about being transgender. i also have other intrusive thoughts but I have never been diagnosed with anything. What was the outcome for you? Did the thoughts go away?

I don't know where to go for help but the thoughts are really scaring me and I have felt suicidal a few times.