Irrational fear of HIV

[kmoon1612]

Hello, I posted on a separate thread but was given the link to this OCD forum. I've copied my original question below but I would appreciate some further reassurance and also some advice on how people have dealt with this type of fear before.

I've been dealing with an irrational fear of HIV for around 10 years. While going through tests for something unrelated, my consultant in a very matter of fact, blasé way asked if I'd ever had a HIV test. This set off an absolute fear in me that I still struggle with. The test was negative and subsequent routine tests during my pregnancies have also been negative. I'm not a drug user and have been in a monogamous marriage for 15 years.

However, I believe I'm dealing with OCD and some scenarios make me freak out - such as pricking my finger on a locker key at the gym, worrying somebody's spit may have got in my mouth etc etc.

On Thursday, I was out to lunch and noticed there was something red on the inside of my glass - I brushed it away with a spoon and drank my coffee. However, since I got home, I can't stop worrying that it may have been blood. From what I've read, it would seem that the chances of any contamination are remote but of course some sites say that there is a small potential.

I also started using a new toothbrush at the start of last week which caused some bleeding to my gums.

I'm just beside myself. Can you provide me with any reassurance? I know I need to deal with the OCD thoughts but for now, I just really need somebody to tell me I'm not at any risk.

Thanks

[JGF25]

People with irrational thinking key in on the "impossible" because there is difficulty in finding closure to these thoughts.  If it was easy to find closure and get rid of the thought, we wouldn't need any psychological help at all.  Honestly, I don't see you getting better until you seek professional help.  I always tell people that if I could fix them I would, but I can't.  The ball is in your court to continue to seek the help you need.  Coming to this forum is the first start but you have to continue walking the path to getting better.  

[kmoon1612]

Thanks, I think. Believe it or not, you have provided me with some reassurance. I'm in the UK and I intend to make an appointment with my GP, although I'm sure a referral to speak to somebody about this will take several months, perhaps upwards of a year. As you can understand, in the first instance, I needed to hear from somebody impartial that it would be ok and that I wasn't at risk.

[JGF25]

Ahhh....one of the pitfalls of socialized medicine.  I always feel bad for people overseas becasue it isn't as easy as it is here in the states to see somebody.  In the mean time, here are two good books that I think will help you.  

Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani

Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts...Christine Purdon

Also here is a good link to how OCD works.  HIV anxiety and OCD are very similar and so I think it all applies

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0%3A&id=82%3Aten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

[JGF25]

Hi there....sure I will tell you that you are not at risk because you are not but the reassurance I am giving you will only last a little while and then you will be back at over-analyzing everything again.  I cannot say whether you have OCD or HIV anxiety...they are very similar.  I would think though after 10 years of this that you would be willing to seek out professional help.  Can you see a psychologist?  The thing you have to realize is that this life you are living, this life full of fear, is no way to live.  It is also not necessary to live like this.  There is help out there for these thoughts.  I had HIV issues myself.  Part of my therapy was sitting in an AIDS clinic on my lunch hour for a few weeks.  Sitting in the chairs, touching the magazine, being around people that sneezed.  The reality is there are only a few ways to get HIV.  It does not live in the air so you cannot get it from a glass, a door knob, a toilet seat.  You can get it from unprotected sex with an HIV positive person, you can get it through a blood transfusion (but blood is tested so I'd say this is not even a route of transmission anymore, and you can get it through a needle stick.  I want you to know something....people like EMTs who get needle sticks from HIV people...they have less than a 1% chance of becoming positive.  FACT!  So please seek the help of a psychologist so that you can finally put this fear behind you.  Take care...JGF

[kmoon1612]

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. As the past few days have passed, I have become a little more rational about the situation and definitely more open to addressing the underlying issue - you're so right, it's no fun living this way. It's always the near impossible scenarios that get me thinking - in this instance my brain can't seem to compute the difference between my situation and where it can be transmitted via pre-chewed food to an infant. Or via oral sex. If saliva is able to break down the virus, along with stomach acid, why are these extremely rare situations still a possibility and mine isn't? Maybe it's me over analysing or maybe this will be the end of this episode, I'm not sure but your thoughts would be appreciated!