Aa
Is this HOCD???
I'm a 16 year old girl and for the last three of four months I believe I have been suffering with HOCD (I really hope it is this). My whole life I have suffered with anxiety problems and I think it has escalated from here. I can't remember the specific time these thoughts began but I believe it was one night as I was about to fall asleep I got a random thought of "what if you're a lesbian?" And I quickly sat up in bed panicking and crying as I really do not want to be.
Since then I have been getting these really bad thoughts, and I get them 24/7 everyday and I always have this worrying feeling in my chest (which I always got when I was worrying with my anxiety) about becoming a lesbian. All my life I have had crushes on boys at my school and major crushes on celebrities and never a crush on a girl- I never even thought of girls this way! Before all of this I could have said I KNEW I was 100% straight. But now everyday as soon as I wake up I get these thoughts saying "what if I'm a lesbian" and it makes my worry so much. I can't go on social media, watch a film or read a book with a girl character in it as I'm afraid I'll find them attractive as my thoughts keep saying "you find them attractive, you're a lesbian". When this first started every time I got this thoughts I was sent into an immediate panic and I would burst into tears, but what is scaring me now it's like I have gotten used to the thoughts and I still get the anxiety but I no longer cry or hyperventilate and it makes me more scared that I'm becoming a lesbian! All I want is to go back to crushing and only thinking of men!
I can't even think or hear the words "gay" or "lesbian" without panicking and feeling sad and getting exsessive thoughts.
This may have also started from when I was watching a to program and there was a lesbian sex scene...and I got turned on (this thought makes me want to cry) but I was never turned on by the women- I think it was just what they were doing (sorry if this is too much information). And every time I think back to this it makes me so scared that this was a "sign". But even then after watching it I was still sure I was straight (this was before my HOCD started). But I have recently read that many straight woman do enjoy lesbian porn? I don't know if I'm normal or not.
I have never kissed a boy either (I want to) as I am very shy around people (because of my anxiety) and I'm scared this means I'm a lesbian. I'm terrified that I'm just kidding myself and that I'm just in denial, but all I want is to fall in love with a man, get married and all that stuff. I do not want this with a woman.
I should also mention that I am seeing a counsellor but so far we have illy talked about my problem. It also worry me that because she has never delbt with anyone with this type of OCD before she won't be able to help me.
All I want is to go back to how I was before, liking boys, crushing on boys (the HOCD has made it almost impossible to develop a crush) and not worry everyday. It's like my brain is never resting- I'm always thinking and googling questions and I want it to stop. :(
Any advice would be appreciated sooooo much and I'm terrified right now :(
Thank you in advance.
Since then I have been getting these really bad thoughts, and I get them 24/7 everyday and I always have this worrying feeling in my chest (which I always got when I was worrying with my anxiety) about becoming a lesbian. All my life I have had crushes on boys at my school and major crushes on celebrities and never a crush on a girl- I never even thought of girls this way! Before all of this I could have said I KNEW I was 100% straight. But now everyday as soon as I wake up I get these thoughts saying "what if I'm a lesbian" and it makes my worry so much. I can't go on social media, watch a film or read a book with a girl character in it as I'm afraid I'll find them attractive as my thoughts keep saying "you find them attractive, you're a lesbian". When this first started every time I got this thoughts I was sent into an immediate panic and I would burst into tears, but what is scaring me now it's like I have gotten used to the thoughts and I still get the anxiety but I no longer cry or hyperventilate and it makes me more scared that I'm becoming a lesbian! All I want is to go back to crushing and only thinking of men!
I can't even think or hear the words "gay" or "lesbian" without panicking and feeling sad and getting exsessive thoughts.
This may have also started from when I was watching a to program and there was a lesbian sex scene...and I got turned on (this thought makes me want to cry) but I was never turned on by the women- I think it was just what they were doing (sorry if this is too much information). And every time I think back to this it makes me so scared that this was a "sign". But even then after watching it I was still sure I was straight (this was before my HOCD started). But I have recently read that many straight woman do enjoy lesbian porn? I don't know if I'm normal or not.
I have never kissed a boy either (I want to) as I am very shy around people (because of my anxiety) and I'm scared this means I'm a lesbian. I'm terrified that I'm just kidding myself and that I'm just in denial, but all I want is to fall in love with a man, get married and all that stuff. I do not want this with a woman.
I should also mention that I am seeing a counsellor but so far we have illy talked about my problem. It also worry me that because she has never delbt with anyone with this type of OCD before she won't be able to help me.
All I want is to go back to how I was before, liking boys, crushing on boys (the HOCD has made it almost impossible to develop a crush) and not worry everyday. It's like my brain is never resting- I'm always thinking and googling questions and I want it to stop. :(
Any advice would be appreciated sooooo much and I'm terrified right now :(
Thank you in advance.
Yeah :/ it just feels so real sometimes, it's gotten so bad recently :( all I want is to go back to normal. I'm also very worried as I'm only 16 :S
1 Comments
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I feel like that too and it's absolutely scary I had hocd for 4 months then it moved to bisexual ocd, and I live in fear 24/7. I try staying busy all the time I also go to psychologist and take medication, I know this is reassurance but I know a lot about hocd now and I'm 100% sure you have it !! Just try seeking for help and go to your gp because this I really hard to beat on your own, I hope your doing better. I will pray for u :) stay strong and remember this is your ocd these thoughts aren't yours and they say nothing about u
I feel like that too and it's absolutely scary I had hocd for 4 months then it moved to bisexual ocd, and I live in fear 24/7. I try staying busy all the time I also go to psychologist and take medication, I know this is reassurance but I know a lot about hocd now and I'm 100% sure you have it !! Just try seeking for help and go to your gp because this I really hard to beat on your own, I hope your doing better. I will pray for u :) stay strong and remember this is your ocd these thoughts aren't yours and they say nothing about u
Hey don't worry, from what I know it' sure does sound like hocd I'm dealing with it too
1 Comments
I'm just terrified it isn't HOCD :( I feel like I just need constant reassurance, but the thoughts Always come back no matter what. How do you cope with your OCD? :)
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