i'm 23 y/o and when I was younger I was friends with a guy (2 years older than me) who has since come out as gay. I have always noticed and been attracted to girls though we were close and I found myself aroused by his company, but we never did anything sexual. I even had a series of sexual fantasies over the years about him but never about other guys or even wanted to, just this one person. Anyway we are no longer close or talking, so contact with him is impossible as he lives abroad. We are no longer in each others lives which I'm happy with.
I have been with women over the years and enjoyed their company sexually but lately I became over obsessed with these thoughts of the fantasies I had towards this guy and find it very distracting and questioned my sexuality. I suddenly started thinking, does that make me gay? It has become so distracting that I now find it difficult to get hard (erection) in any type of intimate situation. Also, only certain scenarios from my past arouse me on thought. I never had this problem in the past, it's just when I became obssessed with these thoughts that this problem started occuring!!
It's very irritating because I am attracted to a girl though this thought is stuck in my head. When the thought of sexual fantasies about a guy didn't distract me then I never had such a problem. I don't think I am trying to deny a hidden sexuality, I have always noticed girls and wanted to have relationships with them (this being the key to my thinking). Can anybody help me with this problem or share some thoughts on it? I would hate for it to plague me in future relationships. Does it sound as if I need therapy? ps. if it's any help i used to constantly wash my hands alot when i was a kid, but seemed to grow out of it.
It definitely sounds like obsession. As unhelpful as it sounds, I think most people have some homosexual thoughts, however fleeting. This does not automatically mean this makes them 'gay'. However in the case of OCD I can imagine this becomes an obsession (repeatedly thinkng / worrying about it to the point where it interferes with the rest of your life) Definitely worth seeking professional advice over.
Don't forget that an obsession can be about anything, including things that aren't real. Actually strike that, I mean they are most often about things that aren't actually occurring. They feel real because you worry about them and for that matter they're real to you. The thing about OCD is, from what i've seen, that what feels real to you may not be objectively real. In my opinion it's actually more likely it's not, otherwise you wouldn't get the anxiety feedback loop over it.
I've been reading through a few fora today and I came across a few other posts similar to yours, perhaps search for HOCD? I seem to remember one person referring to it that way.
Anyways I don't have OCD myself so I can't give proper advice. From what i've read, trying to reason your way out of this will not work. Perhaps you can try to accept you have these thoughts and try shrugging them off rather than try to convince your OCD through reasoning. It might help you if you specificially identify the thoguhts as OCD the next time you start worrying about this. It definitely sounds like it is the disorder causing your problems, not the subject your disorder just happened to have picked to obsess and cause anxiety over.
You shouldnt worry . Along our lifes we have alot of sexual fantasies that changes among the time . I dont think you should try and keep this thoughts away , cos it repression makes the thought come more often to your mind . Go and have fun with that girl , theres nothing wrong with having some thoughts out of the box , and surelly doesnt mean your gay...
I probably have had all the world sexual fantasies , but ive grown out of them got married with a person of the oposite sex and dont feel any need to fullfill any ...
I think its just a very normal thing with everyone , people just dont talk about it .
ah , yes i forgot to write ... you seem abit worried but that doesnt necessary mean you have ocd . I have it myself . I dont think you need theraphy unleass you really think its ruining your life and all your relationships . Just take it easy , rest and dont try to have sex unleass your feeling really crazy about someone . If your in that stade maybe you wont have any thoughts at all?
When we are children we go through a stages of sexual discovery. We find out our gender identity as well as our sexual attractiveness and orientation.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE, I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL/PSYCHOLOGIST/DR. AND I'M ONLY RIDING ON THE INFO I HAVE SO FAR BASED ON YOUR PARAGRAPH. I'M NOT STATING ANYTHING AS FACT!
Two Possibilities may exist.
It is normal to be attracted to a member of the same sex who demonstrates the type of attractive femmine-like personality (if thats what kind of personality your friend had) we happen to find attractive in member of the opposite sex. You need to take into account the cultural context we live in, primarily male homophobia (we're not as flexible as women are, believe it or not women can be straight and have a member of the same sex there attracted too, its not something they need to cover up because they are more emotion based). The reason why other men may have not been attracted as you to this one individual is because when they discover a man is gay with a type of personality that... "if a women had would arouse them" (BUT after establishing there sexuality as heterosexual) they are LESS likely to establish a closely bonded (not necessarily sexual) friendship level that you both established. It may be not so much that he is a guy. It's possible he may have had a feminie characteristic you commonly find in girls. Take into account that you formed a close friendship before he may have told you about his sexual orientation. You are not gay, you have went through heterosexual orientation development (otherwise you wouldn't be attracted to females) obviously because you prefer the female sexual attractiveness over the male sexual attractiveness.
Another possibility lies in the fact that he was older, you were younger. you may have idolized him as someone you looked up to. As he came out with his sexual orientation it would cause these feelings sexually towards him.
Bottom line. WE ALL GO THROUGH SEXUAL DISCOVERY, IT'S HUMAN NATURE!!!, children do in fact "Play Dr" (have sexual contact with a sibling or a friend of the same sex). They do indeed masturbate even at an extremely young age and discover aspects of there body that make them feel good. When I was a kid I had fantasies about have sex with my older sister, that doesn't mean that now I have sexual fantasies with my family members. I would become sick to my stomach had I had intercourse with my sister now.
Remember, having doubts and anxiety related to what your sexual identity IS WAY DIFFERENT THAN ACTUALLY BEING HOMOSEXUAL! Gay individuals actually look forward to same sex relationships. They ONLY find members of the same sex attractive. They are able to stop there thoughts of homosexuality whenever they feel so, just as any heterosexual would. Homosexuals do not have anxiety about being gay, they discover there attraction to same-sex partners. Choosing to accept it or try to suppress it "knowingly" due to religion or culture. The only anxiety they experience related to there sexual preference is the repercussions from friends and family.
My advise, visit a therapist about this issue, it's always healthy to talk things out. And remember, every time you feed these unhealthy and partially irrational obsessions, they will continue to produce anxiety. DO NOT LET ANXIETY DEFINE WHO YOU ARE, the only person determining who you are is your present, not your past. I learned it the hard way as an individual with H-OCD
Hello. Wanted to know what your all's thoughts on this matter. I have never felt like I was attracted to the same sex. When I was young I did get talked into having some 'expierence' that I deeply repressed. Since then I had two female relationships for about 2-3 years each(im a guy). Know here's the weird part. After my last break up. I got a flood of emotion and with stress from work and other changes, I broke down. Started really asking myself questions. While in that state I asked why I did thongs when I was young and the imeadiate awnsr I came up with was I'm gay. Ever since that moment I ha e been living in fear and panic that e eryone knows I'm gay. Its boxed me in and don't know what to do. I don't think I'm gay but fear the worst especially since I did that stuff when I was younger. I do think about men a lot in terms of what I wish my persona / and physique were. I have always wanted to be a more confident man but just don't seem to get there so I ha e an idol who is a very confident male that I try to imitate. A lot. Does That mean I'm gay? Am I gay? What do you think. Thanks for your help and responses.
Helpifucan, I have the same thing.... I admittidely have ocd that seems to be getting worse as I get older but everyone has problems. My thoughts are very similar if not exact to yours except mine started when a friend of mine who is gay asked me if Im sure Im not gay. All of a sudden the next day all I could think aobut is "what if I am gay, Im gay, Could I be gay, do I walk talk or act gay" as well as many other repeating thoughts where the same one can last for an hour, day, week, I have even had the same singular anxiety causing thought go on in my head for over a month about being gay. They are really troubling and intrusive and happen at the worst possible time quite recently more when I am in a situation where before the thoughts started I would be trying to pick up women for lack of a better term. With this obsession it has been over 4 months now, but my advice to you is to go see a therapist. It took me a long time to do it but it has helped me drastically. I spent nearly a month in a half away from friends, family and other things I have always enjoyed doing because of this obsession. Also I have been doing exposure response therapy which isn't fun at all but this helps out in getting rid of the obsession. Next time when the thought pops up into your head instead of trying to fight it which is the natural reaction to it, let the thought simmer there and cause the anxiety without trying to fight it. It really ***** but agree with the thought eventually the obsession will become "bored" with itself so to speak and stop. I hope this helps.
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