Need advice

I have had these recurring worries about catching HIV. My boyfriend recently shared a pipe with someone that may have HIV and my boyfriend had chapped lips at the time. It worries me so much. I can't eat, or sleep. I keep wondering, what if there was blood on the pipe my boyfriend didn't see, and it went in through his chapped lips. I need some reassurance, and I can't seem to find it. I keep obsessing over getting tested in 3 months. I just got tested last month...twice. I fear getting tested, and I don't want to, but I know in order for me to feel better I have to. I had a deja vu of me having HIV and it worried me, because I had a similar deja vu  when getting tested for hsv-1. In the deja vu, I knew I was positive for HSV-1, and I was. I had the same deja vu, but with having HIV. Am I driving myself crazy? Can someone help?

[mc2004]

Hello my name is Megan and I hope to be of help. I have been battliing OCD for 1 1/2 years My main fear is about HIV. I obssess about every spot on things in public. My fear of blood isbeyond my control. I think you should comfront your boyfriend and ask him about it. Ask him if the guy was bleeding. Im sure that if he was your boyfriend would not have shared with him. Blood is noticeable and I do not think anyone could miss blood on a pipe. Once hiv hits the air it dies shortly after. I know from my experience with this fear nothing seems to help. I call the cdc at 1800cdcinfo and they can help answer your question of your problem. Also, if you go onto thebody.com you can find a hotline for your state and they will talk to you. They have been trained by the cdc and they will talk to you for as long as you like and about anything relating to HIV and STDS. I have called up to 8 times a day. I was tested for HIV 8 times last year and 7 this year and I am not sexually active, besides making out and a little more with this guy 8 months ago and I got tested like 4 times for that. It is a vicious illness that can take any joy out of life. I hope that you can move on from this. If you feel you need to get tested get an Oraquick they take only 20 mins. Talk to me anytime you need to. I hope I can help. It feels like OCD makes your life pause and you feel like you no longer know yourself its like you cant get one moment of peace.

[pennylane101]

You're very sweet. And I do thank you. I just got the oraquick twice last month. I guess I'm not the only one :) I spoke to my boyfriend a billion times, and he keeps reassurijng me. The guy that he shared with says he gets tested like every month. So rationally, I have nothing to worry about. It ruins my days. I have no motivation to do anything, but think about all the "what if's".Your words give me hope, and make me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope things get better for you as well. We need to start living :) Lots of love!