OCD - fear of contamination

[lola099]

I have OCD. I have recently stopped taking my medication as I really hate taking them. I was ok for a while and now it has reappeared and in a bad way.

I am in a constant fear of contamination and if that isn't enough, I am afraid of chemicals in cleaning products and disinfectants to kill this contamination that I fear. Oh, I know, it's a viscious awful circle.

I know my thoughts are irrational. Totally. Even still, there seems to be a part of me that believes in them, because if I didn't why would they still be there?

I have rituals, that make no sense, that I superstisoulsly repeat because in my head this will help the outcome of the situation.

I am going back on my meds, this is a given.

Im just looking to see if there is anyone else out there that can relate, perhaps offer advice...

[JGF25]

You have replied to two very old posts.  Please start a new post so that we can begin to have a conversation.  Thanks.  JGF25

[nne3]

i an just like you fear of contamintation and also fear of cleaning and chemical material. and even afraid of cooking in dishes because i think all of them release toxic material. i cant  take drug because i have rrms and its drug has interaction with this. i am dissappointed and tired . i wanted to die

[Equestrienne]

Okay, so OCD wastes a lot of time and keeps us anxious.  But a good counselor once told me, "everything depends on the degree..." meaning, a LITTLE OCD can make you good at professions that involve conscientious checking, for example. And--a LITTLE paranoia could make you a good detective--etc. etc.  If it gets hugely out of control of course it just takes over our lives.  I've got mine down to manageable levels now and you can too!  Don't worry about "wiping it out completely."   That'll only add more stress.  Just get it to manageable levels, I say.  After all, OCD and panic and all that actually has some evolutionary advantage.  We --the extra careful ones--will avoid danger better than those who blithely ignore danger.  Unless you wash your hands to the point you damage them, for instance. conscientious hand washing could indeed help us get fewer colds.  We may be obsessive--but there could in some cases be some actual benefit from our excessive avoidance of danger!  

[lola099]

Hey Lily,

I suggest that you post this comment as a new question so other's can help you.

I understand how you feel, my OCD takes on different hats. Sometimes it is germs, sometimes it is chemicals... imagine being afiraid of germs and afriad of the chemicals to kill them. Fun times.

[lilysouth]

My OCD takes really crazy forms.. I fear chemicals that are known carcinogens...particularly termite pesticide. (It started when I heard about the dangers years ago, and my aunt had her house treated. Then she died a few years later of cancer.) So my fears aren't related to dirt..but to things that might cause cancer. And my OCD is so bad, I start thinking "maybe I got some of those chemicals in a pest control truck on me or brought them in the house or put them in my purse ..and I just can't remember it". Or I invent the image of me getting this stuff on me  in my head. It's totally nuts, but it makes me afraid of so many things in my apartment (like my shoes, purse, computer case,etc) that might have gotten contaminated. I wish medication was a significant help for me, but it isn't -- and I've tried all the commonly used meds. I'm beginning to think i"m a hopeless case or need brain surgery or something. I just feel like giving up. Thanks for listening.

[lilysouth]

I have this, too, but meds never seem to take it away. They might help me sleep a bit better, but they dont' do much for the OCD,..and I've been on almost all of them. :-(  Which ones help you?

[tazbomb]

God I hear ya!! I said the very same thing just the other day, " I just want a normal life".  We would give anything not to have this crippling illness.  I too have a constant fear of hiv and contaminating everything and in turn contaminating my loved ones.  I spend 90 % of my time cleaning and seeking reassurance.  The thoughts of not doing the compulsions sends me into a panic attack.  There have been a few times including today that I have told myself I want out! Today was the closest I ever came because I just wanted to go asleep and never wake up!!  I am struggling at the moment so I can't really give u advice, but sometimes it just helps a tiny bit to know that someone out there understands exactly what you're feeling.  I'm sorry u feel you have to let go of your relationship.  I tried to do it but my partner wouldn't leave and I suppose part of me wasn't brave enough to push him away hard enough though believe me I tried.  I will admit that even though he is a rock sometimes, other times he just adds to my problems because  feel I have to protect him aswell.  There have been times I have resented him for triggering off a problem.  As a couple, the only thing we ever really fight about (and fight about a lot) is my ocd.  So if you're not too deep in the relationship, I think it's a wise move to let it go and work on YOU and try and get the help you need now so that your future relationships can be about love and happiness together.  Lets hope we can both get through it and actually feel the joys of life again...

[Jayswife3]

Thank u sooo much!  I wish I felt strong...I feel sooo weak!  I am trying sooo hard to be healthy for my baby!  And I know these thoughts are sooo stupid and make no sense...but its like I can't escape them!  
Thank u for the book advice....I ordered both of them!  I will try anything to get better...hoping this and therapy helps!  

Thanks!

[JGF25]

Bravo for you!!!!!  The truth is I didn't get through it so you are doing great!  After 12 weeks I had to go on medication during my first pregnancy.  For my second, I just stayed on a low dose of medication the entire time.  I didn't breastfeed because I was taking meds.  There are many people on the Anxiety forum that have posted about being pregnant and having tremendous anxiety.  Many of them got through it.  You are more than half way there.  Really, you may not feel strong right now but you really are a very strong woman.  

This is the thing, there is your health and then there is the health of the baby.  If either one is being severely compromised, then that is a problem.  You mentioned going to therapy and I think that will help you tremendously.  

Also, try to pick up the book The OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free from OCD.  It may teach you some tricks to deal with the contamination thought you have.  Also there is another book by Joseph Luciani called Self-Coaching.  This book explains how to self-motivate yourself.  Yell at yourself if you have to...get mad.  Say STOP at the top of your lungs if that makes you feel better.  

Keep us posted...

[Jayswife3]

Its really hard!  Im 23 wks!  How did u get thru it?   Im going to breastfeed but I hope I can get back on meds

[JGF25]

Hi there.  I know exactly what you are going through because I had the same problem with my first pregnancy.  How far along are you?  

[Jayswife3]

I feel exactly the same!  it is really.hard when people dont understand!  I want to get to point where I feel normal and dont have.to stress about this!  I have an appt for.therapist n I will get on meds as soon as I can but cant now!  I hope the meds continue.to help u!  Good luck!!  

[lola099]

It is next to impossible to deal when people don't understand what you are going through. It is not an easy thing to deal with in the first place and it is even more difficult given that most people cannot begin to understand. They wash their hands, they are clean. They didn't touch a contaminate they know that they are fine. I wish that I could think this way, but I simply cannot. I won't give up trying though, that much is for sure. I have started back on my meds and so far so good... I used to have very bad  side affects and so far so good *fingers crossed* I am just really tired as I was unable to sleep for a few days.. ok so some side affects, but nothing unbearable.

[Jayswife3]

Thank u!  I.feel exactly the same way!  I an going back to therapy esp since I cannot take meds now! .i really hope she can help me! for soooo long I felt so alone..I'm sorry u and other s are going thru this too but I'm glad to not be alone!  Its hard when no one understand s what u are going thru!

[lola099]

I hear that! I always feel the need to shower or wash my hands. I too can make up risk factors that make no sense. I feel the need to wash all my laundry twice although I don't. Nothing ever feels clean, Everything is contaminated and it is very hard to live like this. In therapy they told me to confront my fears and when nothing bad happened then I could let that one go, sure but the anxiety getting to that point is hard to deal with.
There is nothing wrong with you, its OCD and it happens to the best of us we are living proof of that :)

[Jayswife3]

Thank u so much!  I just need to figure out how to convince myself that the thoughts in my head didn't happen.  I can think I got contaminated and really believe it even though I never touched whatever it is...how to I stop believing these thoughts??  I just feel like I have to shower over and over but still don't feel clean enough.  What is wrong with me...i feel soooo crazy!  I just want to be happy and enough my life and family!

[lola099]

I will be starting my meds this week and I hope I will be back to "normal" soon.
I what if everything all the time. I do not have people over to my house because I don't want them to contaminate it. I am living in a bubble and trying to keep it clean and safe.
The truth is that we cannot keep everything safe. What is contaminated in our minds is nothing to someone else. I use that to keep me in check. I often ask my husband, am I over reacting and he will answer me honestly and that does help me feel a little but better at the time. Its all about perspective and ours is off. That is what is important to remember.
I too would love to feel normal. I find that deep breathing helps, and keeping myself and my mind busy also helps. Hot showers relax me. Sometimes just cuddling with my husband makes me feel safe and I can let go of those thoughts for a few minutes. Relaxation is key. It puts the mind at ease and that releases the negative thoughts.

[FightagainstOCD]

Please try to relax and calm down.Try some meditation and try to enjoy everyday of life.We are loosing every precious day of our life think "What If"..
Please enjoy your life...talk to people and if you don't find anyone to talk to, please come back to the forum and post your question. We will all try to respond which will help you...

Take care. GOD bless

[Jayswife3]

I am pregnant and Dr wanted me off meds and I am reaaly struggling with my ocd...i am sooo scared of contamination that I wash repeatedly.  I also what if everything and recheck alot!  Im really having a hard time!  I get soo upset over it...i just want to be normal!  Any suggestions on how to get thru this?

[lola099]

Thank you very much. I apprecitate that.

[FightagainstOCD]

I know what your mind is making byou think lola. Please let it go and you are fine. As I am writing thins,I am worrying myself abt few things that happened today..But I am making sure that I will stop thinking about it. I think we both are on the same boat.

We cannot let our mind rule us. Yes we have some chemical imbalance in the brain but that should not stop us from leading a simple normal life.I feel for you as I understand your pain.

I pray to GOD to give us strength to overcome this OCD. Please continue your meds and hope it will help us pretty soon.

Take care and feel free to msg me back anytime you feel like. Sometimes while you share your thoughts it will make you feel better.

[lola099]

You'd like to think deep down I know that it is nothing, but I cannot be sure... Ya you're probably right... I do know it is nothing. If I had thought it was I wouldn't have rubbed it with my finger nail and then put it in the sink. It would have went in the trash. Plus let's be logical (haha if only) blood would not show up as lighter stain on black especially after a wash in hot water.... but oh logic has nothing to do with this.

[JGF25]

But deep down inside, you know that stain is nothing and that is what you have to remind yourself of.  I cannot tell you how many times I yell at myself in my head to JUST FLIPPIN LET IT GO, ENOUGH ALREADY!  

If you get the OCD workbook, let me know how it is.  I have not read that one but I have been seriously thinking about getting it.  

Take care.  

[lola099]

Thank you for that JGF, you are right, we ARE strong. Becuase if we weren't we would be MUCH worse off that we are right now.

I am classic what-if. My whole life is what-if. And knowledge, I am obessesed with it. I have to know what everything is and how it works and if is toxic or contagious etc. As I mentioned I do not know what that stain is on my step son's shorts and that makes me crazy, probaly because it opens up to the what-if's because when you don't know what it is in my mind it could be anything... ok who am I kidding it is not just anything it is the worst case scenario.

I will defiantely get that book. Anything helps at this point.