OCD- Fear of catching an STD/HIV- actually at this point I'm in fear of everything

[morriscli90]

I'm 24 and have been suffering from OCD since I was about 8 or so. The symptoms have changed throughout the years depending on the episode. Sometimes it's worse than others. Since college it has mainly surrounded the idea of me contracting stds- specifically herpes and HIV/AIDS. It started the first time I got a tattoo and I had literally convinced myself that I had gotten HIV from the needle. I wouldn't leave my room and I had already accepted the fact that I had it. I went and got tested and that still wasn't good enough. I still worried I had it. Then when I became somewhat sexually active of course other diseases came into the picture to be paranoid about. Alcohol makes it better but then of course the next morning it's worse as I worry that I've blacked out and had sex that I've forgotten about. I can't be sexually active or even touch a guy anymore. I no longer even have sexual desires because it's not even worth the repercussions. And I know that obviously a healthy fear of stds is a normal thing, but I feel like my obsession is crippling. I won't leave my room or eat for days and I just sleep because it's the only time my mind is free from unwanted thoughts. Today is not a good day and sometimes, like today, my OCD actually convinces me that I don't have OCD at all, I just SHOULD worry about the things I worry about (like stds, or sometimes cancer, whatever the fear of the day is) because I probably have it. And then I just feel hopeless. Sorry to be so dramatic, but that's just how I feel sometimes.  Does anyone else's OCD get them down this much?

[JGF25]

Sorry for the delay....I have been on vacation

Unchecked OCD leads to depression.  I mean really, who wants to live their life this way?  Who wants to get up every day and fight a battle with their own mind?  It is exhausting!  

People with OCD, me included, take ordinary things and blow them into something entirely different.  What is a normal anxiety for someone else we turn into something catastrophic.  And then when we think we have closure, we doubt.  Yes...those tests come back negative but then the doubt creeps in and the good feeling is fleeting.  

Here is a good article for you to read

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

There is help out there.  There is a way to live your life relatively OCD free.  I say that because it never is truly gone but you can learn to manage it either by CBT or a combination of both CBT and medication.  

You staying in your room and sleeping to keep from thinking just isn't healthy.  Avoidance behaviors are not healthy.  We as OCD suffers need to hit this problem head on and a psychologist can help you learn the techniques and help you learn to live with OCD.  

[Lonerzoned]

Hi I also had fear of coming to contact with a std or hiv even as a kid. I'm still sacred. I am again going aon another ocd episode now. Its recent so I'm struggling so much. I agree it's gets us down so much and puts us in to a darker deeper place. Our brains are wired to assess and overestimate analyse every bit of our memory and we torment ourselves. I feel sad for us.

[depressedocd]

Hi I understand you completely. I feel so weird and that I'm so screwed up for something I can't control well. Read my post. I'm going through a stressful time too. I feel depressed and so weak. I don't even wanna feel this way anymore. Also people around d me do that understand and so they get frustrated with me. Do you find that as well?