OCD, Schizophrenia, and Bipolarism oh my!

     It really blows my mind to think that our whole picture of reality is painted by our minds, and that our minds can easily be affected by illnesses such as schizophrenia and OCD, indirectly altering our reality. This terrifies me, and is the basis for most of my concerns. You see, I'm quite the paranoid chap. I suffer from self-diagnosed Hypochondria, which first became evident in my early years in school (I was terrified of stomach illnesses). I eventually got over that, but now I've moved on to more serious illnesses. Recently, after much paranoid web-surfing, I have come to the (ridiculous?) conclusion that I have some silent mental illness that is going to blossom into something more serious (due to my age 15, which is apparently a common time for psychosis to rear its head). Now, let my attempt to illustrate to you my issues.

     First of all, I thought I had OCD. My reasoning was that I have experienced intrusive thoughts for as long as I remember (violence against loved ones), I obsess over health, and play obsessive games with myself. For example, while I'm in the car, I click my teeth when the car is perpendicular to a driveway (I click on the left side of my mouth or thr right, depending on the side of the road the driveway is). I was happy with that diagnosis (OCD), because I finally felt that I wasn't suffering from some sort of psychosis.

     Now, after further browsing, I'm worried I have a personality disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolarism. I think this is delusional, but I can't help thinking it's true. I think I'm schizophrenia because I'm afraid of the dark (I think there are things in the dark that want to get me). I know there's nothing there, but it's just an impulse I have. Also, I'm worried that my hypochondriasis is a symptom of some sort of psychosis...

I need some input... does it seem like I have OCD, or do you think it's something else? If so, then what?

Thanks,
-Dylan

[ILADVOCATE]

I have schizoaffective and have been documented as having made a full recovery (read through my posts) so I don't find the concept of having it to be frightening but it is true that for someone with ocd any disability or illness can be a fixed obsession. Psychosis as I experienced before recovery involves a full break from reality. I don't know if that's what you are describing though it sounds like it probably is not but you would have to speak to a psychiatrist and explain it in full to get a better understanding.

[olav_the_impaler]

wow. i'm looking through this forum for EXACTLY the same reason.

i don't have an actual diagnosis of OCD either, but from a little bit of research on the web, i have come to that conclusion. personally, i don't have a lot of weird physical compulsions (aside from some minor things and the occasional times when i find that i've been combing my hair for a half-hour or so.) but up until recently i had been obsessing over whether or not i am a homosexual for about six months non-stop (it's called H-OCD, by the way). I heard from the people over in that forum that this thing manifests its self in different ways and into different obsessions.

as of late i have been feeling better on the "am i gay?" front but i now feel disconnected from reality, and fear that i might be a schizophrenic. some times find it hard to tell if a little sound i just heard was real or not or feel that people laughing on the other side of the room are laughing AT ME. i don't mean like voices or anything, but things like people talking outside my window (which actually kinda makes sense) or the occasional suspicion that someone is trying to kill or rape me (even if i know them pretty well). there are times when i feel like i'm loosing my mind, and it scares the **** out of me.

This leads to a Catch 22; if you find yourself having the thoughts and actions of a madman, then you must be crazy, but (i assume) the fact that you recognize that you're acting crazy is the process of a rational and healthy mind, however, if you know that and still continue to act and think crazy thoughts, then you must be crazy, but because that proof of craziness came from you own mind, you must be rational and sane, but you still can't stop. and so on and so on. ETC, ETC. i assume if we WERE both schizophrenic, then neither of us would be here worrying about it. the best thing to do is probably go see a shrink, but it's still probably just a manifestation of both your and my OCD. so just chill out.

[Dostoyevsky]

I commend your comment.