OCD HIV testing - again...

[Anxious_ocd]

Hi all, I'm just looking for a little help & support. A few months ago I was diagnosed with OCD and Aspergers Syndrome. I've always been aware I'm a little different but due to a mental breakdown I was diagnosed.

I've had a fear of HIV for a long time, possibly stemming from a bad relationship with a positive person. I've tested numerous times over the past few years & all negative. I had a memory blank whilst drinking 4 months ago which set off the downward spiral of "what if I had sex & caught HIV".

I tested 7 times over 3 months then at the end didn't get the relief I thought I'd get. A couple of weeks after this I 'think' a positive friends hair could have fallen into my drink which I thought of after I'd drunk it. I know you can't get HIV in this way but I just couldn't shake the thought off.

I tried to not test but felt the only way I could know for sure was to. I sent a postal test off today (blood sample sent to a lab) & now all I can think of is I know it won't be positive but what if it comes back as a false positive!!

I just feel so low right now & just don't know what to do. I'm even considering phoning the lab in the morning to ask for them to discard my test just so I can avoid the rare false positive : (

[JGF25]

I'm probably too late for this most recent test but you do need to say enough here.  If you keep this behavior up, you will never get better.  You need to break the cycle of negative thinking.  I'm not sure who was teaching you CBT but I find it very useful especially the controlled breathing and the self-coaching.  And that is hogwash..."deeply routed and they couldn't help you."  The reality is when you have OCD you need to put some work into getting better.  If the therapist teaches you a technique and you don't practice it, you are not going to get better.  I know it is hard but like I said, hard work is necessary to get better.  

here is a good book I liked...Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani.  

Also here is a good link to an article about OCD in general.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

[Anxious_ocd]

It's horrible, until I sent the test off today I had the thought that I could be some sort of medical miracle through catching HIV from eating hair then as soon as it was posted I accepted there was no way I could catch HIV that way & all my fear transferred to what if I get a false positive result!! I just couldn't deal with that, even though it's slim, just to think I could be positive the. Have to test more.

I believe it was a psychologist who diagnosed me (apologies, I'm not sure of the exact difference), I had two long assessments of lots of questions then had the results a few months back. I've been referred for CBT but that's been useless. I've read books & done exercises which helped a little. Ive had 2 telephone CBT sessions which were useless as I was told my fear is deeply routed & they couldn't help me so I'm on a waiting list for face to face. It's been almost 4 months since I was first referred to the service.

I've been taking sertraline which have helped the anxiety but I can't shake off the thought of "what if" I'm infected.

Do you think I should telephone the lab & ask them to cancel my test, as they'll receive it tomorrow? Not just to receive the worry I have now but I've seen a bit of clarity today & don't think I'd believe this test even if it was negative.

[JGF25]

Hi there.  Yes it is a viscous circle but the reality is you are playing it by doing all this testing.  Who diagnosed you?  Was it a psychologist or psychiatrist?  If so, what treatment did you go through?  I assume right now you are not in treatment because no psychologist on earth would tell you to test like this.