I have suffered from OCD for as long as I can remember. I have seen countless therapists and constantly vented to my friends. Anyways, I have a new situation that that been plaguing me.
This is going to sound absolutely absurd and crazy...but no judging!!
I had a boyfriend for about...7 months. We usually always used condoms (and I even promised God that I would make all of my partners get tested before having sex...for some reason I never made him get tested because I Trusted him...) one day, we had unprotected sex with ejaculation. At the time, I didnt think anything of it because as far as I knew, we were in a committed monogamous relationship (which he always reassured me of). THREE months later ( I kid you not!), I have TOO much free time on my hands and start thinking that possibly he if infected with HIV. I call him and ask, why is probably extremely awkward and annoying, and once again he reassures me he was tested last fall.
A person without OCD, would be okay with this. Instead, I am PANICKING and CANNOT WAIT to get tested tomorrow. However, I am already freaking out over my results. I'm thinking to myself what if they're positive or what if I get a false positive?!?!?
Does anyone have ANY advice at all? How to stop worrying all the time (HA, funny joke) or how to stop anticipating results? I feel that God is upset with me because I did not get my partner tested like I said I would.
This post is so unorganized and I apologize for that but my mind is in about 853972486 different places right now.
While any time one has unprotected sex, there is a degree of risk involved, your risk is so low it isn't worth worrying about. For ONE, only a very small percentage of HIV+ people are heterosexual.
While infection happens in heterosexual situations, it's rare. The vast majority of people who are getting infected are either IV drug abusers, or men having sex with men...and even in THOSE situations, it's people who have repeatedly engaged in risky situations over and over who end up infected. THAT is the reality of it. Those are the FACTS.
Secondly, this guy is telling you he has been tested, and it was negative. That's probably true. Why would he lie to you? If he isn't an IV drug abuser, or bi-sexual having unsafe sex with other men, then he's not a high risk partner.
You can certainly get tested for peace of mind, but you have to ignore the urge to test all the time, or testing for no risk situations. That opens a whole other can of worms and will fuel your OCD. It will be negative.
God doesn't punish people....certainly not for entering into a sexual relationship with someone you knew and trusted. That's just your mind telling you those kinds of things.
You need to address your OCD, as obviously, it isn't managed very well right now.
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