OCD? Or are these feelings real?

Hello. I'm 27...I've had an obsessive personality from a young age. I saw blood on the floor at my school and just by walking by it I thought I had hiv/aids at the age of 9. I have always been a worry wort and have been very paranoid about differrent things in my life. My problem now is I keep dwelling on the fact I don't love my boyfriend and then that went away a bit and now I'm dwelling on the fact "hey maybe I'm a lesbian and I hate boys and also maybe I want to be a man, it would be fun to be a man" etc. I'm driving my self crazy. I keep thinking what if this and what if that...I don't want to but I try to fing ways to disprove my theory but I just keep thinking all these weird things. Not only that I'm thinking maybe this IS something I want and I'm starting to feel and believe it...I have never had these thoughts in my life and now it's making me miserable...is this me or my brain playing evil tricks on me?

[Life360]

Hi Hello, i have a theory.
i think in many ways OCD is a social problem in that we seek and indentiy. Much of this is due to all the spare time we have.
I worked for 20 years in some of the poorest countries in the world, like India, Pakistan and East Africa. I didnot see many cases of OCD as the general population is to busy trying to find where their next meal is coming from or even a simple shelter to sleep under and forget finding work!

Here in the country we have in many ways taken most for granted and have the image that when we walk out of our house that everything we see is natural.
We dont realize that there is a sewer system under the ground or water treatment plants, or electric maintaince, or paramedic trucks. Its like we awake to a ready made place.
Unless a person is aware that where we live is a planned social effort, they are left to focus on themselves. With self focus comes OCD.
As to your sexual preference, This is most likely a natural fantacy that you are having. If you are lesbian, you would not be questioning yourself.

[Hello22485]

Thank You, that makes a lot of sense! I do focus too much on myself and don't focus on the things that need foccusing...I just take one little idea and think about it so much that I start to believe it's true...After I believe it's true I start to feel like that must be what I want and go into acceptance mode...I'd hate to accept something that just isn't me...I have nothing against peoples lifestyles but for me I just don't see it. I get so paranoid though. Thank you for your reply above!

[Mimias]

This is an excellent answer and so true. People are struggling on a daily basis in third world countries and due to our comfort lifes our mind occupies itself with problems that arent even there to begin with. It kind of sad to see

[Hello22485]

Unfortunately if I could help it I would. People don't want to feel this way..No matter if it's society or what every country has their own problems. Other countries also struggle with mental illness because they are also human.  What I have, It's an illness that can be helped with medication and couseling. I just hope it works for me because what also sad is that Ive had this issue my whole life and I have never been truly happy. That's sad .

[Mimias]

I know i feel the same at times. But when i kind of convinced my mind it just crap throughout the day im alright. But then i have these fearfull wake ups that i cant control its just a never ending battle sometimes. Are you still coping with hiv ocd or just hocd?

[haileyann]

Hello, I too have had severe OCD (since the age of 3 now 21) and I'm sure you've heard this so many times now but it is normal. I have been hospitalized for my OCD because it was so bad and have undergone long treatments and OCD is like a bully, it finds what you are afraid of and uses it to make you do what it wants, once you show it you are not afraid anymore it finds something new, even more scary. I know that sounds bad but think, it's just a bully and being the bigger person is the best feeling in the world. Don't give up!

[Hello22485]

It's more likt EOCD (Everything OCD)! I seem to just develop one worry or thought after another and I dwell on it so much that I can't stop myself. I have tried the rubber band method as well as the stop method and it works for a second but then the thought comes back...The more I try to fight the feeling, urge or thought it's like it comes back full force. The scary part is that I'm starting to believe that's what I really want even thought I know deep down it's not. I have more obsessions Mimias, so I will dwell and obsess for days about one or more things. I guess I have the checking aspect because I sometime test my self how I feel in certian situations to get a response I want but it's never the response I want so I freak out. I'm sorry haileyann that you have also been through this. It's not a good feeling at all to have to suffer and never be truly happy in life, well at least in my case when I am happy the ocd's like nope none of that so I think up something to ruin my mood.

[Life360]

Hi Again Hello, in your post question you ask is this OCD or are these feeling real. I mentioned about the thought process and you then replied you infact have a disease of OCD. This shows me your not sure but when questioned you lean towards justifying them.

Let me ask you a question. What is different in your thought process about obsessing things you may have or the things you think you might be and thinking about creating/inventing  a product to sell or you sitting down and writing a best selling book or a poetry contest?

[Hello22485]

I know I have obsessions and the therapist seems to think it's ocd but I'm just scared what I'm thinking isn't ocd and it's more of denial, but considering my history with obsessions I believe it all to be just in my head but I'm scared it's not and it's a real possibility...As to your second paragraph I'm not sure I understand the question?

[Mimias]

but considering my history with obsessions I believe it all to be just in my head but I'm scared it's not and it's a real possibility.  


Wow this is exactely the thing im going through right now. Im in a ocd denial fase or something. Sometimes i think like how can i have ocd im a normal person with no other problems how can i be wrong if this feels somehow real to me. But thats something what ocd tells us to keep it going. But looking back all of the other feared scenarios i came up with also were false, so that shows that its all ocd. If you keep denying it there wont be an end to it. And weve already wasted so much time on nothing.

[Hello22485]

I know it's a terrible cycle! I hate this, because I don't feel normal. But what is normal really? I hate going through this and sometimes I get very down because I want to think "normal" but I can't!

[Life360]

This is a little difficult to explain but will give it a try.
We have a mind that can think. Most thinking occurs when we need to figure something out. Also between this decision time, thoughts are in our head from things we experience around us. These thoughts are just lingering and depending what we are doing we grab hold of one and think about it.

Since we know that thought grabing is done do to idle time (we dont thought grab when we are taking out a splinter) why dont we think about being a financial success?

[Hello22485]

I think I understand what you mean. So you're saying when we are occupied with somethings our thought process slows down and we can olny think of the thing we concentrate on. I have tried to paint, sing and do other things to rid my mind of these thoughts it helps for a bit then it comes back again when I'm trying to fall asleep or watching tv etc.

[Life360]

Hi Hello, your getting the picture now. Use your thought process to your benefit. People with OCD are really people that are more creative than most and need to be creating something all the time. Their minds are very strong and need to be put to work. The problem is that you dont know what to create so in this spare time you create the easist thing which are concerns about yourself.
I know that if you take this spare time you have and think about creating a simple product you will be successful. You see it all the time with those TV gimmicks for $19.95.
All you need to do is come up with an idea of something society needs. It could be something that you would buy. The big thing that will happen that is different with your painting and singing, is this will cause excitement in your life and also bring in some good money.
Think of a product and google to see if its available first. Internet companies are always looking for new products, Its that easy. im doing it now.

[Hello22485]

Great Thanks!