OCD about HIV A Success Story

let me first start out by saying that I have finally gotten better and for any of you to never give up trying to get over your fears. I am writing about this because God told me that I might be able to help some of you. Anyway, I was on these forums back 3 years ago or so having terrible fears about HIV and testing repeatedly for the disease....I tested by blood test at the Health dept, tested by blood sample in the mail and sent to Home Access in Chicago, tested repeatedly by Oraquick Rapid test. All of my tests were negative, but a couple of them I would get doubts in my head about. I had one rapid test where the nurse practitioner didn't do the test exactly like the directions said to do.. it still came out a negative result but had a little bit of a pink background.. I had one test where the C line wasn't centered up perfectly by the C Zone triangle... uh.... i even had fears that the clinician could have possibly infected me by the lancet... i even had thoughts pop in my mind that the lancets had already been used on someone else, i can go on and on.. you name it, I have thought it up... LOL! I even had fears that I had sex with people even though I knew I hadn't. I also would think up little "stories" about touching blood in a bathroom.. the blood never existed.... LOL! I mean I could go on all night long...Oh yeah, I even had thoughts about whether the clinicians had really told me I was negative or not?? LOL! I would call them on the phone and ask again and again if I was negative, even though I had written results in hand that stated Negative...
I finally let go of this crap and GOT BUSY enjoying life! realizing that all of this was so stupid..
how did I do that? you ask... well, I started to take it day by day.. doing the things I liked to do best.. take long rides in the countryside...make photographs, go on short day trips.. got busy with work... Things gradually got better...it isnt easy by any means.. but I have finally gotten over it all.. I look back to 3 years ago and laught at how stupid I was..and laugh at this crap and all the demons that were in my head...
Am I completely 100% healed? no... I am not... but I sure am almost better! and you can do... just get busy, put it all on the back burner and live life! you can do it! it

[potty008]

Congratulation!! I read your story 2 times becuase it's very similar to me. My fear also started 3 years ago after the first real protected sex.I  constantly thought of  every possibities that it could be dangerous. I got my blood test and it never end at that time.  I have been developing unusual fear of hiv.There are a lot of stupid situations such as fear of blood in toilet,blood in sink,fear of being injected by needle,fear of toothbrush,safe  sexual experiences ,etc.   The last one is when I recieved frottage from a woman. I wore condom but she had performed oral to me before frottage with deltal brace and I feared it would  tear condom. Although that day I got home and thought that's nothing wrong,I got a lot of blood tests-antigen and antibodies untill 9 weeks.  In 3 years,I have 35 blood tests over almost nothing situations.  Man.it's not fun at all and I  know how you felt. I tried to go out and drink but it doesn't help much.   I miss my happy day before this fear. I know it's not fun to be like this.I'm just 28. I  also post my frustrations sometimes on the net.  I really  think I want you to be my advisor since you finally get better but I'm not that so good. Everyday I must admit my fear is still here and constantly make me feel bad. I don't have many things to do since I'm studying. I once visit psychologist.He offered me drugs but I refused.  I will try your effective ways.

I hope you will be better and better and me too. Write me back,ok?
Thank you!