3 years ago I was in a support group for about a year with young woman and we became friends. One night in spring of 2010 after watching a movie at her apartment we ended up having sex. We used a condom and it did not break; there were no complications. I either flushed the used condom down the toilet or threw it in the trash in her bathroom. We never had sex again.
We continued to be friends (as I recall) until june or july of that year, when we both dropped out of the support group and began drinking and using drugs. We both returned in mid september. I left the group shortly after and she remained. As of september I didn't notice her to be pregnant and she didn't mention anything to me, but she was overweight so I'm not sure I would have noticed if she was hiding it from me. She had been drinking and partying and smoking for a month or two before that so I don't think she would have done that if she was pregnant. September '10 was the last time I saw her in person.
In August of 2011 I became paranoid that she had had a child and hidden it from me. I wondered if I had left the used condom in her trash and she picked it out after I left and inseminated herself, then hid the pregnancy to collect social services as a mother of a fatherless child. I friended her on facebook. I did not find evidence of her having had a child on her facebook. The only pictures of babies were identified as her sisters baby, and her nephew, both of whch were not appropriately aged to be my child. I struck up a conversation with her, asked if she became pregnant, and she told me no. I defriended her and didn't talk to her until recently.
I recently became obsessed with the idea of her hiding a child from me. I friended her again on facebook. She has been living in supportive housing for homeless women for 2 years and recently began working at a supermarket. Again, I saw no evidence of a child on her facebook, but she took about two weeks to accept my friend request, so maybe she spent that time scrubbing her profile of pictures and evidence. I don't want to ask her again if we have a child together because I don't want to offend her but I am obsessing about these concerns.
Is there any reason she would have hidden the pregnancy from me. Can anyone offer me any reassurance or suggestions?
OCD...it is just a mind altering state sometimes. We take the simplest thing and we analyze and analyze and then catastrophize and in the end we start believing the fictional picture we have created.
I think that your OCD is in high gear right now. You used protection so the chances of her becoming pregnant are really non-existent. I'm sure she did not take the comdom out of the trash (if that is even where you put it) and inseminate herself.
You need to really talk to a psychologist about this. You have two posts on the site so I can tell you are a bit out of control and going from one thought to the next.
It has been almost 2 years since this child would have been born. My phone number has not changed and she could have contacted me on facebook. I think even if she had hidden the pregnancy she would have broken down by now and contacted me for support. Wouldn't social workers have counseled her to name me as the father for support? Or would she have had an incentive to not identify the father to get social services and benefits. I never noticed her to be pregnant in the 3-4 months that we remained friends after sleeping with her and she never mentioned anything. Then when I saw her again 5-6 months later in September of 2010 and did not notice anything nor did she say anything. Also in facebook pictures from september and october of that year she does not appear pregnant, though she is sitting in the pictures or her body isn't visible. I also stalked her mom's facebook and her family photos and while there are many pictures of her niece and nephew there are no pictures of any other children.
Also there are no pictures on her facebook of any babies besides her neice and nephew, and it seems like most pictures of her out socializing, without any child, something a new single mom would probably not have much time to do. Her facebook post do not seem to indicate any stresses associated with being a single mom, or any posts about motherhood, though she does post frequently about being an "auntie" to her niece and nephew.
I can tell from your post that you are really obsessing about this. You need to stop NOW all this "research" because it isn't do you any good. There is no baby and you just have to say that to yourself. Stop looking for something that isn't there and please get some psychological help to get this OCD under control. You are going from one thought to the next and you just haven't found closure on this one yet. Next thing you know it will be something else so please, please get the help you need so you can move on with your life.
Yes, I am reading them and they are helping. I just feel compelled to post all of the thoughts I'm having. its somewhat therapeutic. I actually have a great psychaitrist. I've been seeing him for about 5 years, through my addiction, depression and bi-polar issues. I've actually been down to only meeting with him once a month and to an almost negligible dose of a single medication. I've always had a tendency to ruminate, create scenarios, and "check" things, but I've never felt a need to discuss this with him. I'm seeing him in 2 weeks, and I'm going to try to talk about why I'm having these issues. I have almost completely cut out drinking and cut out all drug use for a year, and have had almost no anxiety, depression, or bi-polar issues over this time, so I don't know why I'm having this right now. I was obsessing over HIV as you know, and I broke down and actually called my psychaitrist and he gave me some information about how alcohol memory loss works and why I would remember a sexual exposure to HIV or using a needle or some other unusual experience. He has over 40 years of experience as a psychaitrist and is nationally recognized as an expert so I trust his opinion and it was very reassuring for me. He helped me calm down about the HIV, but then this pregnancy issue popped up. I see him one week from tomorrow.
Great....detinitely bring this up since you do as you said have a tendency to ruminate, create scenarios, and check things. you may be adding OCD to your list of issues but that is okay because he can help you deal with this as well. What he cannot do is fix something he doesn't know about. So tell him ALL the things that relate to OCD that you do so that you can get the help you need. Good luck!
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