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OCD anxiety over lost virginity
Hi,
I recently lost my virginity to a friend whom I have known for 2months. He said he is a virgin too and I think he was saying the truth because he seemed quite inexperienced in bed.
We were both really drunk and one thing led to another. I know he was wearing a condom but now my OCD is telling me that he might have actually not worn one or maybe it broke or maybe he removed it halfway.
He didn't even ejaculate in me and hardly thrusted 3 or 4 times but I am scared that if he had HIV or some other std he might have infected me. Also my hymen broke and I bled for three days and that makes me feel feel I was at a higher risk because breaking of my hymen would have led to small injuries exposing me to his disease.
My gut feeling tells me I will be fine but then my OCD pops up and tells me I am doomed and I am going to get HIV. Also, I have always had a fear of HIV and believe that its going to infect me one day coz I am always worried about contracting it and hence attracting it
Do I need psychological help or do I need to get tested for STDs?
I recently lost my virginity to a friend whom I have known for 2months. He said he is a virgin too and I think he was saying the truth because he seemed quite inexperienced in bed.
We were both really drunk and one thing led to another. I know he was wearing a condom but now my OCD is telling me that he might have actually not worn one or maybe it broke or maybe he removed it halfway.
He didn't even ejaculate in me and hardly thrusted 3 or 4 times but I am scared that if he had HIV or some other std he might have infected me. Also my hymen broke and I bled for three days and that makes me feel feel I was at a higher risk because breaking of my hymen would have led to small injuries exposing me to his disease.
My gut feeling tells me I will be fine but then my OCD pops up and tells me I am doomed and I am going to get HIV. Also, I have always had a fear of HIV and believe that its going to infect me one day coz I am always worried about contracting it and hence attracting it
Do I need psychological help or do I need to get tested for STDs?
I'd like to point out that if your friend never had a mother with HIV and if you guys were both virgins beforehand there is a 0% chance of having it.
Thank you. I did get my results and everything was normal. I do need help to deal with my ocd.
I can't fix you, only you can do that. At some point you do need to say ENOUGH and mean it. You know testing is a trap, so don't fall into it anymore. Make an appointment with your doctor and talk about your medication dosage and see if you should increase it. Medication does not make OCD go away but rather helps us to let thoughts go more easily. You still need to fall back on CBT and if you haven't learned it, you need to.
I was so stressed out, I did an early detection test for HIV and an HIV fourth generation antibody test for incidents I had previously (none of which involved penetration just kissing and frottage but still worried about what ifs). Now the test results are getting so long to get back to me I am feeling frustrated. I was told yesterday, I will get my test results today and today I was told I will get them next week. Why are they torturing me? Why am I torturing myself?
I am so tired of feeling I might be HIV positive again and again and going through this cycle of getting anxious, testing, waiting for the test and then going through the whole process again.
I promise this is the last time I am doing this to myself. I have promised before but I have incidents and then I get anxious about HIV again. I have been doing this for the last two years and wasted so much of my energy and money. I am so fed up.
I just want to live a normal life, I cant take this stress anymore, its killing me, please help :(
I am so tired of feeling I might be HIV positive again and again and going through this cycle of getting anxious, testing, waiting for the test and then going through the whole process again.
I promise this is the last time I am doing this to myself. I have promised before but I have incidents and then I get anxious about HIV again. I have been doing this for the last two years and wasted so much of my energy and money. I am so fed up.
I just want to live a normal life, I cant take this stress anymore, its killing me, please help :(
The same strategies work for all types of irrational thoughts. Since you have always had HIV issues I'm not surprised that the first time you had sex, you are back to thinking about HIV.
You said yourself you know he was wearing a condom so you need to start replacing those fictional irrational thoughts with statements of fact. Don't let it get away from you. When you think the thought, start employing the strategies you have learned to help curb your cleanliness issues. The more you give into the irrational thinking the longer you will stay in the OCD loop.
If you continue to have problems, then you should probably see your prescribing doctor because perhaps this stressful situation has gone above and beyond what your current medication dosage can handle.
You said yourself you know he was wearing a condom so you need to start replacing those fictional irrational thoughts with statements of fact. Don't let it get away from you. When you think the thought, start employing the strategies you have learned to help curb your cleanliness issues. The more you give into the irrational thinking the longer you will stay in the OCD loop.
If you continue to have problems, then you should probably see your prescribing doctor because perhaps this stressful situation has gone above and beyond what your current medication dosage can handle.
Yes I have been diagnosed. I am on an SSRI. All my other OCD relating to cleanliness is under control, but recently I have developed OCD for HIV and I haven't had CBT for that
You talk about OCD as if you have been diagnosed. Have you been formally diagnosed? If so, what treatment did you have? Did you learn cognitive behavioral therapy?
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