OCD concerning sexual encounter from past

[RickySantoro]

Greetings - I have struggled with OCD (thoughts) in the past and has recently been re-triggered again. It started back in October with getting very concerned over getting the girl who I was dating pregnant from having sex. Every time we would have sex, I would feel very uneasy throughout the month until she got her period which would always be a big relief. This fear of pregnancy continued through November, December and January. This past February, my mind started thinking, what if I got a girl pregnant from a sexual encounter from the past? I started thinking and writing down one by one every girl I could remember and looking them up (on social media) to see if they had any children. Every girl that I looked up ended up being OK as I didn't notice anything unusual. Then, I remembered having a one-night-stand in March of 2009 on vacation where I do not remember this girls name, phone number or what she looks like. I began getting into a panic. I then specially ordered a copy of my March 2009 cell phone bill hoping to see if there was an unusual number on the bill hoping to find this person. When the bill arrived, to my dismay, I did not notice any unusual numbers that could have been this person. What I remember about the one-night-stand was that I 100% did NOT climax, but I am only about 75% sure that I wore a condom. My OCD is eating me alive that I have no way of finding out who this person is for the fear that I have a child somewhere. I began seeing a Psychologist for cognitive behavior therapy which has helped. The Psychologist has said it is 100% textbook OCD. Since then, the current medication I was taking has been doubled on the advice of a Psychiatrist which has helped too. Still, the feeling of doubt is severe and I fear that this feeling of not knowing who this girl was from 8 years ago will haunt me forever like a black cloud following everywhere. The thoughts are in my mind all day. Any advice would be highly be appreciated. Thank you for your time very much.

[JGF25]

I know it feels like work but it does take time to master the skills.  I find that controlled breathing along with meditation help.  When you find your mind going to the "What-if" then you need to pull it back in and not let it go to the nth degree.  Have you learned some of the breathing techniques and do you practice them?

[RickySantoro]

JGF25 - thank you for this advice! Very much appreciated. Haven't done too much with the breathing techniques, but I do recognize how important breathing is. In anxious modes, breathing is irregular so it is important to gain control over the breathing. Thank you :)

[RickySantoro]

JGF25 - Wanted to give you update. Still struggling and feeling discouraged. I believe the only way the discomfort will go away is if I am able to find this girl who I had the encounter with and at this point it doesn't look like it's possible. The feeling sucks and I am really upset at myself for getting in this position. You had mentioned before you have experience in dealing with OCD situations involving failing to get closure? Thank you.

[JGF25]

Hi there....how long have you been doing the CBT?  

[RickySantoro]

Hi there - started in March, so almost 2 months.

[RickySantoro]

What bothers me the most is I will most likely never get 100% closure on who this person is. It is crazy how this issue was never even a thought to me for the last 8 years and now all of a sudden it seemingly has taken over my thoughts.

[RickySantoro]

Just to add to the post above, my rational mind tells me that if there was a baby in the picture, especially one from 8 years ago, this girl would have eventually tracked me down as I am on many social media outlets such as Facebook. But then my OCD tells me, well what if she doesn't know your name or number and can't track you down. It is a very uneasy feeling, and to me, I have planted a very serious demon inside my head :(