OCD for HIV,Please help me....Thanks!

[sky12312]

Hi, I guess this is the right place for me to seek for help... I have OCD for years and a few years ago it becomes some kind of OCD for HIV...I cannot help relating everything in life with getting HIV. Whenever I have worry, I search on the Internet to prove that my thought is not a way of getting this virus. However, each time I get rid of the old HIV thought, a new one will come out in a short time.. I find out that each time I will keep imagining sth bad that I did not really see in reality. Here is one typical example of my thought recently:

"When I was walking by the bushes(shown by the pic)in the afternoon, I felt a sudden pain on my shank, then it just disappeared. After an hour, I came back home and examined the shank, I found no blood and no red wound on it. I could not find a painful part on skin either. But I cannot help thinking some bad guy was hiding in the bushes quietly and injected me with dirty blood when I walked by..."

At first, I was worrying about poking me with needle, then I began to worry about injecting me with blood....The problem is: I did not notice anyone at that time, but i keep thinking maybe the bad guy is hiding in bushes...

I am so tired, I feel like my life is full of the fear of HIV... And my family is tired of me...

Please help.. THANKS

[JGF25]

HIV is not a concern in everyday life unless you do practice unsafe sex with an HIV infected person, and reuse needles (drug addicts).  You absolutely cannot get it from any of the other things you listed.  So get on the bus, walk around, etc....you will not become HIV infected this way.  

[sky12312]

Thanks a lot for the suggestions! I think you are my best teacher of OCD..I will get the book to read before seeing a doctor.

I do not understand why it is me who catch this anxiety of HIV, while the friends of mine and my family are all acting quite well mentally.Is it because I am not busy enough or is it because of the personal character of mine? Last time I told my friend of the bushes concern, they just said "are you crazy,haha". Sometimes I would think, if I did not have OCD, I would have become more successful.

Since you had experience of this anxiety before, I think it would be appropriate to ask you the right attitude towards the virus: Is it true that if we live healthily (safe sax, no narcotic drugs etc.), we do not need to worry about that virus in daily life(like taking bus,walking in crowded street ,go to take haircut and so on)?

Thanks again for your help,JGF

[JGF25]

Okay, first I want you to know that your life is not destroyed.  I know this because I have been living with OCD for over 30 years.  I actually live a very good life.  

There are two things to help you with OCD (and HIV anxiety is kind of like OCD really).  The first step is learning cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) from a psychologist.  Practice what they tell you to practice.  Nobody gets better over night, it does take work, but obviously the work is worth it.  The second is medication.  

Not everybody needs medication.  For me it depends on my stress level.  The higher my stress level the harder it is for me to control my OCD.  Having said that, I had a good number of years where I only relied on my CBT and was doing quite well.  So it is possible to do it with CBT alone.  Unfortunately for me, those high stress times required me to take medication.  Medication works well but again it doesn't solve every issue so sometimes you need to fall back on a bit of CBT.  

So I sit here typing this taking medication for the last 6 years or so and doing well.  Prior to that a good 10 years of no medication but CBT alone.  Prior to that some medication.  It is different for everybody.  The thoughts are different for everybody.  And we can make up some crazy stuff.  I once got hung up on the thought that I would just up and go blind while I was driving.  I was stuck for a while.  Now how stupid is that thought...right!!!  I can laugh about it now.  

In the mean time, while you are waiting to see a doctor, try and download the book Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani.  I found it to be really helpful.  But ultimately the psychologist is your first starting point and from there you both can figure out what is best for you.  Remember though, that nobody can wave a magic wand and make you better.  You alone can do that with the help of a professional.  AND I'm glad to read that you have supportive parents.  Not everybody has that so you are lucky there!  Let them help you.  

[sky12312]

Thanks a lot for replying!
you are right, every time I finished a concern, a new one will always come out.. There was some time that I did not have OCD symptoms at all, I thought I recovered completely. However, this summer break it just comes back again .
The "what if" does drive me crazy! Every time I convinced myself, it always came out and beat me with every kind of extreme ideas.."what if that guy is hiding in this way or that way.." My parents try to comfort me by pointing out my ideas are not possible, but "what if " ideas will always guide me to anther side..
I was diagnosed as anxiety disorder before. But my HIV anxiety was quite like some kind of OCD I guess.. I cannot tell whether my situation is more like anxiety or OCD...
I was not receiving any treatment , since I did not want to take pills..
I have to wait until next month to see a doctor for this...since I am on a travel.. but the symptoms are driving me crazy, and I cannot do anything now but worrying.
Is cognitive behavioral therapy effective for OCD?
I cannot even now convince my brain that no one was in the bushes and no one poked/injected me...I cannot help simulating the situation again and again in my mind to analyze it...Sometimes I cannot even tell which side is the truth...
It seems to me that my life is destroyed by this thing...

[JGF25]

Hi there.  HIV anxiety is very common actually.  So were you formally diagnosed with OCD?  What kind of treatment have you received?  

The thing about OCD is that once you get closure on something, another thought will pop up and you need to learn to deal with them.  

OCD is like fighting a war with your own brain.  You say one thing and your mind says something else that is the complete opposite.  Rationally you know no-one was in those bushes poking you with a needle but your mind is telling you "what-if."  You need to stop the thought the second it happens.  Have you learned cognitive behavioral therapy?  

I had HIV anxiety and part of my therapy was to sit in an AIDS clinic across the street from where I work.  I sat there on my lunch hour for several weeks until I became desensitized to it.  

Also, I want to point out that if you were in a real-risk situation, i.e., you were a paramedic and you pricked yourself with a needle that you had just used on a HIV positive person, the chances of you seroconverting to HIV positive are less than 1%.  It is not easy to contract HIV even in the person storm setting.  For that we must all be grateful because if it was like the flu virus, we would all be infected.