OCD for last 20 years

[meezocd]

Hello. My psychologist suggested I join an OCD Forum. I have never been part of a forum before. I do have OCD, mainly very anxious about contracting HIV, Hepatitis C or any other blood-borne disease. But its just not that. I am so also phobic of Cancer, pretty much any disease that is incurable. But its mostly about HIV. I used to drink alcohol. I did stop drinking. I have not had a drink in 4 months. I am heterosexual. I am married, but my wife is in Honduras now, its where she if from, but that's a long story. Anyways, I just had bloodwork done on Monday, and will be getting the results on Saturday. I am very very scared of the results. I always am when they do blood tests on me. The bloodwork included HIV and Hepatitis C. Mines is such a long story, I dont know where to begin. Just wanted to introduce myself to the forum. It is not easy to live with OCD. Everyday it's a challenge. My goal is to get better. I have been taking Prozac for the last four months, but I dont really see that much of an improvement. I am going to get re-evaluated by another psychiatrist tomorrow, I am still staying with the same therapist. I hope all goes well in the results of my bloodwork. My latest OCD hell is that I think I got Hepatitis C or even possibly HIV during the blood draw. I know that needles are not reused, but the guy in front of me that was getting his blood drawn was in a wheelchair. I saw him gingerly walking in when he entered the waiting room in the Doctor's office, then I guess the doc put him in a wheelchair for the blood draw. Anyways, I am afraid that he has Hepatitis C because a symptom of liver failure is walking problems. I am afraid that the phlebotomist touched his blood in his blood draw and then accidentally touched my needle (since I was next) and then injected the needle in me... Or even with the gauze. Anyways, that is a microcosm of what I go through. Right now that is a concern, and waiting the results of my blood tests. Last week my concern was penile cancer and that my stool had a greenish color. I just want peace of mind. Anyways, thanks for reading. God Bless all of you.

[lola099]

Welcome!

I totally understand how you feel and I am currently going through the same things as you. It is a comfort to know that we are not alone but also a sadness that others have to suffer through the same things.
I am constantly obessing over blood borne illnesses my latest is also hep c. I have a form for blood test in my purse for hiv hep c and a host of other things but I am scared to go get my blood drawn because I will be in a  room with blood and I too am scared of the nurse giving me something. I figure they are disensitized to blood and may not be as careful as they should, I know not as careful as I would be but then again not many people are... but I also know that these thoughts are irrational. Getting bloodwork is completely safe, I know that I have nothing to be scared of and yet I am. My cat scratches me in my home draws blood and Im scared of hep c... how does that even make sense? It doesn't. And I know in my heart of hearts that it doesnt make sense, but yet I fear it anyways.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone on your fears and your struggle but that you also do not have to be alone on your road to self discovery and healing :)

[meezocd]

Thank you so so much! I very much appreciate it. The feeling is mutual. I will continue posting. God Bless you

[meezocd]

Thank you very much for all your words. I met with a new psychiatrist today and he increase my mg. He was very nice. He said that if in a month I am not better, he is going to change me to a new medicine. I met with my psychologist afterwards. I feel better today, still anxious about the test results, but I feel more confident on my results. Thank you again for taking the time to comment on me. God Bless you.

[FightagainstOCD]

Hi Welcome to OCD Forum

You have done a great job by joining the forum and sharing your obsessions and fears. I have OCD too and I fear about HIV all the time. I am under medication and taking Prozac. I read about others post and try to interact with them and share my experience. This way I feel that I am not alone.

Members of this forum has always helped me especially JGF25. Please post anything that you want to share and we will always try to hep whatever we can. Please read others post and try sharing your thoughts with them.

Also you are on the right direction of taking medicines and therapy, please continue with that. GOD Bless Take care

[JGF25]

Hi there and welcome to the OCD forum.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.  As you know this is a forum for OCD sufferers and that includes myself.  We are not doctors on here but rather just people with shared experiences.  

First let me say that it is great you are going to get your medication re-evaluated.  Not all medications work well for all people and so sometimes it takes a while to find the right one or the right dose for that matter.  I don't think you need to wait four months to find out if something isn't working.  Usually it takes 4 to 6 weeks to start to see benefits and if you don't by then, I would make another appointment with your psychiatrist.  

It sounds like you really have a nice rapport with your psychologist.  Has the psychologist taught you any cognitive behavioral techniques to help combat the anxiety all this brings on?  Say for instance controlled breathing?  Or perhaps suggested exposure therapy?  

For my own HIV anxiety I sat in an AIDS clinic for several weeks on my lunch hour.  I had to touch the magazines, etc. and I finally realized that I couldn't get it from being in a room full of people infected with the HIV virus.  Not even if they coughed, sneezed, or anything like that.  So I was able to put that thought to rest.  I'm wondering if spending some time in a clinic where they draw blood so you can see the procedures would help you.  

In any case, you really do need to get some kind of medication that works because you do seem to be doing what OCD people do best which is get rid of one thought only to have another take its place.  

Keep us posted on your progress.  Take care.