OCD or HIV blood test mistake?

[VeryHypocondriac]

Hi everyone,

a little over 6 months ago, i had a sexual exposure with another man (i'm a man) and he did penetrated me for about 15 seconds but i did not like it so we ended it. Problem is that i don't remember if he was wearing a condom (big mistake for not noticing, but he was wearing one while i was performing oral on him a couple of minutes before.).
After this act, i forgot about all of it but 2 weeks ago, I decided to get tested after being scared for a month about what I was finding on the internet. So i went to get tested at a general clinic , I don't know how the test is called but it was a blood test. I also was tested for other STD. All came back negative Monday, but I can't get over it. Is it possible in any way that my test were mistaken for some other patient and that someone else has received my test? Because I remember having something like a pimple on my anus rim that lasted for a few weeks. I don't have it anymore but I was so sure it was syphilis and since I don't have it, i'm scared my results were mixed with someone else or they were mistaken in any way.

Is this OCD or could my tests be wrong?

Thanks a lot for any help.

[VeryHypocondriac]

Thank you for your answer. I did went to see a social worker in late march, we spoke for an hour or so and I felt kinda good afterwards. She told me to meet her again 2 weeks later and we spoke some more, i told her about my fears and all, told her I was better then the first time i saw her. However some days are harder than others and some days I feel good, not completely worry less, but easily bearable. I fear of being this way all my life, I feel mentally weak these time and since I have some mood swings, i never know what to expect when i wake up in the morning.

[nursegirl6572]

I'm not sure why you seem so resistant to seeking professional help.  You've been dealing with this since at least March, and you state you were going to see a social worker, but from everything you've posted and asked about, it's apparent you either never went, or you only went very briefly.  That's not going to help you.

You keep asking for "more info" before you get help.  What more info do you need?  You're suffering from irrational thoughts and exhibiting several compulsions, which is NOT normal.  It doesn't mean you're crazy, but it DOES mean it needs addressed.  An internet forum is not going to be able to offer you the help you need.

Good luck!

[VeryHypocondriac]

Ok thank you! There's also the fact that this kind of pimple or chancre that i had never became an open sore (which define the syphilis chancre) but my mind tries to remember the moment when i had it and if it's ever been an open sore, and sometimes i feel like i remember it as an open sore, but i don't know what to think...is it just my mind playing tricks on me, am i going insane? Sometimes i just want to move on and when i'm getting in the right way to it, i get worried because i feel like moving on would be like if i'd be in denial of my diseases.

what do you think on that?

[JGF25]

OCD is all about invention...that is why they call it irrational thinking.  Hell I once thought I would just go blind while I was driving.  Now how stupid is that?  As far as treatment for OCD goes, you need somebody that teaches cognitive behavioral therapy.  So if you can find a social worker that is good at teaching this, then that will be fine.  If not, then find a psychologist that teaches it.  Medication should never be the first choice.  It should always be CBT and if you have problems still then you can explore medication.  I myself use both CBT and medication.  Medication is not a cure.  There are times when you have breakthrough anxiety and knowing CBT makes it that much easier to say "see ya" to the thought.  

[VeryHypocondriac]

I have an additional question for you users: Is it possible that my mind twists the events that happened? for example, is it possible that my mind just forces me to try to remember the exact moment when i received anal (if he was wearing a condom or not) and since i cant remember it correctly, my mind just ''invents'' memories based on my fears/anxiety?

Thank you.

[VeryHypocondriac]

And also, would you say that it is possible to overcome ocd without medication?

[VeryHypocondriac]

Ok thank you so much i will read it. Can you tell me if a social worker will be enough to help me or will i need further help? Thank you

[JGF25]

Pure irrationality because YOU ARE NEGATIVE!!!!!  Read the article.  

[VeryHypocondriac]

I know it is not normal...it's just these kind of things i do from times to others and it's been like that since i was little...but it just starts worrying me...i'll have a look at your article a little later...ive seen on your profile that ypuve already made tests in lab for hiv...can ypu tell me if my worries toward hiv are based on pure irrationality or if it already happen to someone. Thanks you so much

[JGF25]

Let me ask you this...do you think the average person raises their feet while they are sitting in a chair so they don't touch the floor?  I have never seen anyone do this.  Sure I stop the microwave somtimes before the time is up but I don't HAVE to do it.  You know deep down inside that this is not normal.  You know it is irrational, what you don't know is how to stop this behavior and live a "normal" life.  That is where the psychologist comes in.  You can post on here all day long but that is not going to solve the problem.  The problem gets solved when you seek out professional help.  

Remember, pretty much everyone on this forum has OCD including me.  I have had it for more than 30 years.  I have learned how to handle it wih the help of a psychologist and at the moment I also take medication.  

Read the followng article.  It is very informative and I think it will answer a lot of your question.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&catid=36:ocd-and-related-subjects-by-frederick-penzel-phd&Itemid=64

[VeryHypocondriac]

Can anyone please tell me if this is normal or if i am right to be concerned about this?

Thank you!

[VeryHypocondriac]

Ok thank you. What do you think about these kind challenges i put to myself? Like i have to stop the microwave before its ending or some other random thing like that? I remeber before having my test i was constantly saying things in my head like : if you dont touch the ground with your feet for a minutes then you dont have hiv. And i would listen to this voice and would raise my feet so they wouldnt touch the ground while i was sitting on a chair. All kinds of random things like that. If i didnt do what my littke voice was telling, I felt bad and would automatically do the next thing it would ask me to do. Hoq common is that?

[JGF25]

I can't diagnose you on the forum.  If you have had other irrational thoughts in the past then perhaps it is OCD.  The social worker can help you.  Take care.  

[VeryHypocondriac]

I feel so lost, I realise that i'm probably obsessing over nothing. I have never been diagnose with hiv anxiety or ocd because its the first time of my life i feel that way, and the first time of my life i thought i had catch hiv. I will go see a social worker tomorrow. I dont know if this is related to ocd, but i posted on the hiv forum and i always go see the answers of people that tell me itsa not hiv problem but ocd. I read thrm so many times but it only brings up yo me a short relief. I also have weird way of thinking that i've always had as far as i remember. For example, if I see a car coming in the street and i want to croas it, i tell myself i have to cross the street before the car comes, or else something bad will happen to me. Ive always been able to live with this thinking that these were only littlke challenges i was doing to myself and that everyone probably did that, but i dont think everyone does that anymore. Is this some sort of OCD? Thank you for your reply ut feels good to finally talk to someone about it

[JGF25]

Have you ever been diagnosed with HIV anxety or OCD?  Is this the only thought you have?  You are seeking reassurance, that is what we do when we are anxious, but reassurance only makes you feel better for a short time and then you are back where you started.  A negative at 6 months is a negative for sure.  In fact if it is negative at 3 months, it is conclusive except if you have some sort of underlying disorder that leaves you immunocompromised.  

The rational choice here is that you test dd not get mixed up with anybody else's and you tested negative.  The irrational mind of yours is in doubt mode.  Your best bet is to see a psychologist and learn cognitive behavioral therapy.