I've noticed that I have been perusing medhelp boards a LOT recently, worrying about one disease to the next. It stems from the fact that I am dating a guy who is great but also has a colorful past that I can't seem to get over. I keep worrying that he has something that I will also somehow contract, be it through kissing, touching, fondling (we have not had sex).
He's been tested for all STD's and hepatits, but I continue to worry, what if the labs made a mistake? I would first obsess over whether he had the disease, then ask him to test, then get some relief from the negative result, then start to worry about false negatives. He has only tested once for each disease, but I'm tempted to ask him to test 2x. But this is expensive and I have to wonder if I'll ever be satisfied.I thought I would be satisfied with one test but the fears keep coming back. Perhaps I am unwilling to believe that given his past, he is actually clean?
He also has a roommate that is very promiscuous. My boyfriend doesn't approve of his ways or like to share things with him, but, my bf doesn't seem to take the same level of "caution" that I would if in the same situation. For ex., he suspects his roommate used his electric shaver, which pissed him off, but didn't seem to make him worry about HIV or hepatitis, and is more concerned about me making him get tested all over again,which I don't want to ask him to do, but the incident still has me obsessing.
I can never concentrate on my school work, and I don't seem to have control over my thoughts, sometimes I have good days, but mostly bad days where I can't seem to stop worrying. And I can't quite convince myself it is OCD because I truly think these fears are legitimate, as long as there is a minute chance of possibility. So I don't know whether to take action against the situation (more disease testing, say no to kissing, touching, fondling) or against OCD (get some mental help).
Hi there....honestly, you would be hard pressed to find somebody out there that didn't worry about something. It is only when the worry begins to take over your life that it becomes a problem.
And taking a quote from your post "I can never concentrate on my school work, and I don't seem to have control over my thoughts, sometimes I have good days, but mostly bad days where I can't seem to stop worrying" tells me that you have stepped into the realm of health-related anxiety or possibly you are suffering from OCD. To really know for sure you would have to see a psychologist. So my take on it is save your money that you would put toward your bf's testing and use it to see a psychologist. I think you will get the most benefit going this route.
I don't know how old you are but those of us in our upper 40s...well we were teenagers in the late 1970s and into the early 1980s and trust me we all have colorful pasts and that was when HIV first emerged and nobody knew how you even got it. Trust the negative results, talk to your bf about commitment and what you expect from the relationship, and get some psychological help. It doesn't mean you are crazy, it just means you are like so many of us that can't shut our brains off and need some help in learning how to stop listening. Take care.
Thanks for the advice. I had OCD as a child and into my teen and young adult years, but as I got older, the compulsions like hand washing and cleaning were replaced more by avoidance and just thinking things over and over again, researching on the internet, and asking others if "such and such" a scenario is possible. Of course the answers never really seem to help. Sometimes I wonder if it is OCD that is my problem, or lack of discipline or caution that is causing me to worry so much... but I do know that worry is always present. :(
I want to be better, and have thought about starting some self help or therapy, but part of me is afraid that if I am no longer so cautious, I will expose myself to more risks and diseases. I feel like my OCD is a safety net that protects me.
Well I'm not a doctor but from what you just wrote...OCD is your problem and will always be your problem. Unfortuantely as we get older it doesn't go away but rather we learn ways to cope with the insanity of it all. Sometimes those coping strategies are enough and other times they are not.
The seeking reassurance is what we all do because we want to get closure on some sort of thought we are thinking and even if we know it is bizarre and others might think WTH?? we blurt it out anyway just because it makes us feel better for having voiced it out loud.
If you think about it, your thinking regarding risks and diseases is skewed. I'm sure you already know that. So why not get help? I mean I walk around touching things all day long and I don't get anything but the average everyday cold. Now granted my OCD does not take on the form of health related things so I can easily say that. But my thought process is bizarre in other ways and so I will end by telling you that therapy was the best thing I ever did. I suffered through my teen years and college even but therapy has helped me learn ways to combat the thoughts and even to this day I use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I also take medication. I did spend quite a number of years med free but of course not OCD free. Eventually stressors just got the better of me (children behaving stupidly) and I had to go back on meds. At this point I'm never going to go off of them. I would rather take this pill than battle OCD everyday for the rest of my life. Take care.
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