OCD problem with HIV/HEP

[Paul281]

Hello everyone,

I hope this isn't too long. For over a month now, I have had a serious compulsive habit that causes me to worry that I may have got HIV when I was a teen over 10 years ago. After a couple of weeks I began worrying about Hepatitis too. It started when I was on Facebook, looking at my old friends I went to school with. My thoughts became conflated with thinking someone with a needle in jr high school stuck me and gave me HIV. Then I thought maybe the nurses reused a needle on me when I got vaccinations and blood drawn. After a couple weeks, my worrying moved on to being back in jr high school and someone in class injecting me with a needle. I keep thinking maybe I was passive and did nothing about it. I keep putting different people in the scenario. This thought plagues me more than any other. I have no memories of it happening before, but it was all so long ago, I just cant help but think that maybe I forgot. No matter how much I run through the scenarios and keep realizing how crazy it all sounds, I cant stop worrying about it. I cant get through five minutes without worrying, and I cant even tell what is real or just made up in my mind. I have never had sex (pathetic, I know) or used any kind of drugs, so I know that knocks out any of the most prominent methods of transmission.

I posted here because I feel ashamed of how crazy people, who know me, will think I am. I also have no medical insurance so I cant even get psychological help. I don't even know what to ask, I feel like I just need to type this all out.

[sachinphptech]

I am also in similar position, i would suggest you to seek psychological help, that is the only way out for me, It helped me to concentrate and live life easily.

[Paul281]

Hi sachinphptech, you have the same anxiety?

[JGF25]

Hello there.  How much stress are you under?  Stress can notch up irrational thinking.  I don't think you have anything to worry about but I know me even saying that isn't going to make you feel better.  Since you don't have insurance, here is a book you can take a look at.  
Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD by Christine Purdon
I also like the book call Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani

[Paul281]

Hi JGF25, thanks for responding. I don't feel I am under a great deal of stress. I am trying to get a job out of college and its been very difficult. This does stress me out at times. I have never been in a relationship and I keep thinking that if I have HIV/HEP, then I can never be happy. No one will want me. Everyday I tell myself that there is no way I have a viral illness, I feel a little better, but then I enter a bunch of "what if scenarios". I know I am making up a lot of these situations in my head, but I can't help but think that there is a chance they could be real.

I will check out the books you recommended.