Aa
OCD regarding HIV
Ok, so here goes.
Due to my severe anxiety over contracting HIV, I called down to the clinic to have a test.
Now because my anxiety revolves around somebody stabbing me with a needle I rarely find a place where I am completely at ease.
I'm now kicking myself for going as whilst I was in the waiting room a young guy (maybe around 20) entered through the door to the treatment rooms and walked through.
Not seeing his complete action from the door until he was around the corner I am now concerned that he walked up behind me and stabbed me whilst I was looking in the opposite direction. I don't know if there was any mark on my skin as I already had puncture wounds on my leg due to my stupid obsession with 'testing' a needle stab with a safety pin to determine what it feels and looks like. This has got me worried that he may have stabbed me in the same place unknowingly and now I can't determine whether they were already there or not. I have tried and tried to think back to remember if he was anywhere near me but I just can't do it and I'm now regretting every single decision I made before and including going to the clinic.
Just a few of the things going through my mind:
He had just been diagnosed as HIV positive and saw an opportunity to give it to someone else.
He had taken a used needle from the sharps container and thought he would stab someone.
He had just shot up in the toilets and used his dirty needle to stab me.
Now I know some folk won't agree with the next thing but this is how I'm weighing it up:
I either go get pep from saying I slept with someone who is HIV positive and try to 'protect' myself or take the chance without in order to get a quicker diagnosis if I do indeed have anything.
It's absolute torture going through this and last week I decided to go to the doctor and try get therapy. Now I feel as its all too little too late as I have been infected.
If there is anyone out there who can speak with me and discuss similar fears or tell me anything to help put my mind a little at ease that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Due to my severe anxiety over contracting HIV, I called down to the clinic to have a test.
Now because my anxiety revolves around somebody stabbing me with a needle I rarely find a place where I am completely at ease.
I'm now kicking myself for going as whilst I was in the waiting room a young guy (maybe around 20) entered through the door to the treatment rooms and walked through.
Not seeing his complete action from the door until he was around the corner I am now concerned that he walked up behind me and stabbed me whilst I was looking in the opposite direction. I don't know if there was any mark on my skin as I already had puncture wounds on my leg due to my stupid obsession with 'testing' a needle stab with a safety pin to determine what it feels and looks like. This has got me worried that he may have stabbed me in the same place unknowingly and now I can't determine whether they were already there or not. I have tried and tried to think back to remember if he was anywhere near me but I just can't do it and I'm now regretting every single decision I made before and including going to the clinic.
Just a few of the things going through my mind:
He had just been diagnosed as HIV positive and saw an opportunity to give it to someone else.
He had taken a used needle from the sharps container and thought he would stab someone.
He had just shot up in the toilets and used his dirty needle to stab me.
Now I know some folk won't agree with the next thing but this is how I'm weighing it up:
I either go get pep from saying I slept with someone who is HIV positive and try to 'protect' myself or take the chance without in order to get a quicker diagnosis if I do indeed have anything.
It's absolute torture going through this and last week I decided to go to the doctor and try get therapy. Now I feel as its all too little too late as I have been infected.
If there is anyone out there who can speak with me and discuss similar fears or tell me anything to help put my mind a little at ease that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Hi Lola, many thanks for your comments.
The anxiety has kind of reduced slightly and I feel a little less stressed now. I spoke with my partner last night and basically went through all my fears from start to finish, beginning at what I think was the trigger and ending with how deep and ridiculously sounding my fears have become, it really helped.
When I think about all of the times I have worried myself over contracting HIV it shows me how irrational the thoughts are and the lengths my mind will go to ie with scenarios and what I deem as a high risk.
I was particularly drawn to your comment 'you have made up a potential risk based on your fears'. Is this a common thing, do you know? As I know there is a risk with needles, I've done exactly that and focused directly on them.
See the thing is, I live in Edinburgh. Now although I agree with you to some extent regarding somebody being willing to stab a stranger with an infected needle, I do unfortunately also disagree. There have certainly been cases (maybe just a couple) where it has indeed happened. Coupled with the fact that Edinburgh suffered from a severe HIV epidemic amongst IDUs during the late 80s/early 90s, my mind latches onto that with force and won't let go.
I've made it worse by obsessing on reading all about both the epidemic and also the newspaper articles detailing the assaults with needles. Bad move I know, although I try to find solace in that there has only ever been one case of HIV transmission from a needlestick assault and that was in some prison in Australia years ago.
If you was to ask me about HIV, I'd speak all day about it. I know far too much for my own good but still fear contracting it from some junkies wild moment and dirty needle.
I do try to look at the facts but the only facts I can look at in instances like this don't do anywhere near enough to reassure me. To put it simply, if I cannot determine there are no needle marks on my body I struggle. Severely.
Now that I have a referral from my doctor to see the psychiatrist I am just waiting on the letter after they have assessed my situation. Hopefully it won't be too long as I'm getting pretty desperate for intervention these days, I left it far too before seeking help. One of many mistakes.
Thanks again for your kind comments, they are greatly appreciated.
The anxiety has kind of reduced slightly and I feel a little less stressed now. I spoke with my partner last night and basically went through all my fears from start to finish, beginning at what I think was the trigger and ending with how deep and ridiculously sounding my fears have become, it really helped.
When I think about all of the times I have worried myself over contracting HIV it shows me how irrational the thoughts are and the lengths my mind will go to ie with scenarios and what I deem as a high risk.
I was particularly drawn to your comment 'you have made up a potential risk based on your fears'. Is this a common thing, do you know? As I know there is a risk with needles, I've done exactly that and focused directly on them.
See the thing is, I live in Edinburgh. Now although I agree with you to some extent regarding somebody being willing to stab a stranger with an infected needle, I do unfortunately also disagree. There have certainly been cases (maybe just a couple) where it has indeed happened. Coupled with the fact that Edinburgh suffered from a severe HIV epidemic amongst IDUs during the late 80s/early 90s, my mind latches onto that with force and won't let go.
I've made it worse by obsessing on reading all about both the epidemic and also the newspaper articles detailing the assaults with needles. Bad move I know, although I try to find solace in that there has only ever been one case of HIV transmission from a needlestick assault and that was in some prison in Australia years ago.
If you was to ask me about HIV, I'd speak all day about it. I know far too much for my own good but still fear contracting it from some junkies wild moment and dirty needle.
I do try to look at the facts but the only facts I can look at in instances like this don't do anywhere near enough to reassure me. To put it simply, if I cannot determine there are no needle marks on my body I struggle. Severely.
Now that I have a referral from my doctor to see the psychiatrist I am just waiting on the letter after they have assessed my situation. Hopefully it won't be too long as I'm getting pretty desperate for intervention these days, I left it far too before seeking help. One of many mistakes.
Thanks again for your kind comments, they are greatly appreciated.
You are definitely on the right forum. We all can relate and we are all here to help you get through this and beat the monster that is OCD.
I am sorry that you are going through this extreme anxiety as I know it can be overwhelming and uncontrollable and downright terrifying at times.
My suggestion to you is to stop. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm the panic that you may still be feeling in regards to this situation.
I can say with certainty that the man did not stab you with a syringe. You would have felt it. Someone would have noticed. And to be perfectly honest I have a hard time believing that someone could be so cruel as to intentionally stab a stranger with an infected needle. That being said, I think that you are in the clear on this one.
You are scared of contracting HIV. This seems to be a common fear for those suffering with OCD. You seem to know the facts. And it seems that you know there is no risk in the environment so you have made up a potential risk based on your fears as to how it can be contracted. It can also be contracted through unprotected sex, but you know that the man did not rape you or have sex with you. Just as you know he did not stab you with a needle. They are both just as unlikely as the other. I understand that it is your OCD and your fears that are making you question what happened but know, please know, that this did not happen.
The occurrence of HIV transmission through needlestick injuries in a health care setting is 0.03%. That is a very very low percentage. Even IF he did stab you (which he DID NOT) you have a very very slight chance of contracting anything. Now I know with OCD any risk is a high risk in our minds, but factually it is not. And factually you are not at any risk because he did not stab you with a needle.
Remember this forum is here to help you. We are here to answer questions and try to guide you down the right path. But we are not professionals. We can offer support and an understanding ear, however you still must see a professional and get the help you need to regain your life and beat this OCD monster.
I am sorry that you are going through this extreme anxiety as I know it can be overwhelming and uncontrollable and downright terrifying at times.
My suggestion to you is to stop. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm the panic that you may still be feeling in regards to this situation.
I can say with certainty that the man did not stab you with a syringe. You would have felt it. Someone would have noticed. And to be perfectly honest I have a hard time believing that someone could be so cruel as to intentionally stab a stranger with an infected needle. That being said, I think that you are in the clear on this one.
You are scared of contracting HIV. This seems to be a common fear for those suffering with OCD. You seem to know the facts. And it seems that you know there is no risk in the environment so you have made up a potential risk based on your fears as to how it can be contracted. It can also be contracted through unprotected sex, but you know that the man did not rape you or have sex with you. Just as you know he did not stab you with a needle. They are both just as unlikely as the other. I understand that it is your OCD and your fears that are making you question what happened but know, please know, that this did not happen.
The occurrence of HIV transmission through needlestick injuries in a health care setting is 0.03%. That is a very very low percentage. Even IF he did stab you (which he DID NOT) you have a very very slight chance of contracting anything. Now I know with OCD any risk is a high risk in our minds, but factually it is not. And factually you are not at any risk because he did not stab you with a needle.
Remember this forum is here to help you. We are here to answer questions and try to guide you down the right path. But we are not professionals. We can offer support and an understanding ear, however you still must see a professional and get the help you need to regain your life and beat this OCD monster.
In order for therapy to really be of benefit you have to be comfortable with your therapist. If for some reason you don't like the person, don't feel like you are getting anywhere...then you may want to look for another. Or you can talk to the thearpist about what you hope to get out of the sessions and see if they will steer more toward what you feel you need. There is some "getting to know" each other questions that the therapist is going to go through and they make take a session or two...but if you are not comfortable after that...look for another person.
They mostly focus on things that cause anxiety.I think they are looking for what my trigger is,well I told them what I thought it was.When I was a teenager I never worried about hiv,I knew what not to do to put yourself at risk
I'm no expert and obviously that must be the way they work but it's surprising they don't cover the OCD. What do they focus on then if that's the problem? Is it all just how you think of things?
Its coming a long ok but the ocd comes and goes,like now I am worried I stepped on a discarded syringe bc I had a hole in the bottom of my shoe.In the therapy sessions I ve noticed they do not focus on the ocd,it kind of annoys me
I couldn't agree more. Before the whole unprotected sex thing, the thought of contracting HIV wasn't even a concern although I do remember an episode of thinking I had it after reading the Science study book in school.
I'm keeping my fingers and every other possible thing crossed that my health will only get better from this point on.
I'm keeping my fingers and every other possible thing crossed that my health will only get better from this point on.
Thanks for your contribution. I am clinging to these three basic (what I should see as) facts.
I thought about the whole needle from the sharps container scenario and I would agree it's stupendously far fetched but I seen it in two ways.
It's all in my screwed up mind.
OR, even if someone did take something out of there, when I have seen sharps go in it's just the needle, like you say, and that would have been exposed at both ends making it pretty inefficient to infect.
But as you know with OCD, a whole bunch of other scenarios pop up that need answering so I then thought maybe this person could have taken one of the needles used for hepatitis shots which don't detach from the syringe and that this guy was shooting up in the toilets shortly before coming across me.
I know I can't keep on with the what ifs and trust me I'm trying hard to think rationally.
I thought about the whole needle from the sharps container scenario and I would agree it's stupendously far fetched but I seen it in two ways.
It's all in my screwed up mind.
OR, even if someone did take something out of there, when I have seen sharps go in it's just the needle, like you say, and that would have been exposed at both ends making it pretty inefficient to infect.
But as you know with OCD, a whole bunch of other scenarios pop up that need answering so I then thought maybe this person could have taken one of the needles used for hepatitis shots which don't detach from the syringe and that this guy was shooting up in the toilets shortly before coming across me.
I know I can't keep on with the what ifs and trust me I'm trying hard to think rationally.
It's interesting you mention about waking up with the girl. My whole obsession with HIV started after I had unprotected sex with a girl I met that night. I was worried sick I'd caught it. Nothing else, just that. My focus went straight the worst possible outcome.
That was when I started spending hours researching the illness and I eventually got tested about 9 months after it.
The fear went away for a short while and then just reappeared thinking about discarded needles. I think my subsequent research made it manifest into a fear of being stabbed by someone. Totally irrational and more chance of a lightning strike taking me down but you know yourself how real it seems. It's a pity we're having to deal with this.
How's your therapy coming along? Are you noticing any improvements?
That was when I started spending hours researching the illness and I eventually got tested about 9 months after it.
The fear went away for a short while and then just reappeared thinking about discarded needles. I think my subsequent research made it manifest into a fear of being stabbed by someone. Totally irrational and more chance of a lightning strike taking me down but you know yourself how real it seems. It's a pity we're having to deal with this.
How's your therapy coming along? Are you noticing any improvements?
1.correct 2.correct again 3.Not possible but say it was it's still no risk--the tip of the syringe is not infectious.
Hopefully I can get my life back and some therapy will help me rid these thoughts. In the mean time however, I do feel like I will still worry about the whole situation at the clinic. I have tried to look at the facts that are available to me and I am trying to tell myself:
a) It is fabricated.
b) It's unlikely that a member of the public will be carrying a needle with them in a medical setting where that's not normal.
c) My thoughts that someone would take a used needle out of a sharps container are not based on knowledge. I'm not sure if this is even possible.
Today I have been referred to a psychiatrist but will be looking at around 3 weeks for my first appointment. In the meantime my doctor has prescribed me with Citalopram to help with the anxiety. I'm going to try and hit the therapy full on and hope that I indeed haven't caught HIV from my clinic 'situation'.
Thanks for helping.
a) It is fabricated.
b) It's unlikely that a member of the public will be carrying a needle with them in a medical setting where that's not normal.
c) My thoughts that someone would take a used needle out of a sharps container are not based on knowledge. I'm not sure if this is even possible.
Today I have been referred to a psychiatrist but will be looking at around 3 weeks for my first appointment. In the meantime my doctor has prescribed me with Citalopram to help with the anxiety. I'm going to try and hit the therapy full on and hope that I indeed haven't caught HIV from my clinic 'situation'.
Thanks for helping.
Trust me....I didn't' just walk into the AIDS clinic, plop myself down and start reading a magazine. My psychologist went with me the first time and MADE me touch the magazines, MADE me sit in the chair. It was pretty easy for her to come because it was just upstairs. After that, it was me and something I had to overcome. With you, it will be baby steps as well. It is a process that happens over time. And yes, you have to be dedicated and work hard to overcome these thoughts but in the end, you do overcome them.
Me I am going to a shrink and looking into meds,but I think the trigger for me was one night I went to a party and at the time I had a gf,I had way to much to drink,i never drink,it hit me really hard,anyway I woke up with my friends sister and since then I ve a fear of HIV and well discarded syringes
There's no sense beating yourself up for how you have handled things in the past. What you need to try and focus on is what you choose to do about it from here on out. It's never too late to get help! Also, you shouldn't feel guilty about seeking the nPEP, that's just your compulsion, like someone who would wash their hands until they bled would be a "germaphobe"s compulsion. Now you realize the risks involved with taking something like that for no good reason. You can use that info to make positive changes by getting help.
While I certainly do not know completely what you guys go through, I was diagnosed at 18 with panic disorder, so I've had my fair share of intrusive thoughts. They were awful. Thankfully for me, I was able to get them under control with meds and therapy, and because I don't have OCD, they didn't affect me to the level they do you. The disorders share a common feature...anxiety. Everything we do is based on trying to reduce the anxiety we feel. For me, I had panic attacks without a specific "fear", per se, with OCD, there is almost always an underlying topic of worry (HIV, germs, health, etc), even if it changes from time to time.
And, yes! HIV Phobia/Anxiety is an EXTREMELY common phenomenon. Being a regular contributor on the HIV forum, and a CL on the anxiety forum, I see it all the time...daily. It's because of the stigma attached to HIV unfortunately, AND a lot of complete misunderstanding of just how it is transmitted. Sadly, even HIV education in schools and colleges is lacking. A lot of courses still teach with a "fear mongering" style that basically just scares the crap out of you. If the facts were presented properly, and people realized just HOW HARD it is to GET HIV, these patterns wouldn't continue. It's a shame.
Also, after being here for years, I can tell you all that I've seen people just refuse to seek help for HIV anxiety/phobias...and they keep coming back, year after year...with one worry after the next. The literally fear it at every turn. On the contrary, people who have dedicated themselves to working hard at getting help, and helping themselves, get their lives back. Will you be 100% free of the thoughts and worries? No. But you will be able to live most days without so much a fleeting thought, that will become easy to dismiss. Look at JG...she got there. It's just SO important to really put your heart into treatment.
While I certainly do not know completely what you guys go through, I was diagnosed at 18 with panic disorder, so I've had my fair share of intrusive thoughts. They were awful. Thankfully for me, I was able to get them under control with meds and therapy, and because I don't have OCD, they didn't affect me to the level they do you. The disorders share a common feature...anxiety. Everything we do is based on trying to reduce the anxiety we feel. For me, I had panic attacks without a specific "fear", per se, with OCD, there is almost always an underlying topic of worry (HIV, germs, health, etc), even if it changes from time to time.
And, yes! HIV Phobia/Anxiety is an EXTREMELY common phenomenon. Being a regular contributor on the HIV forum, and a CL on the anxiety forum, I see it all the time...daily. It's because of the stigma attached to HIV unfortunately, AND a lot of complete misunderstanding of just how it is transmitted. Sadly, even HIV education in schools and colleges is lacking. A lot of courses still teach with a "fear mongering" style that basically just scares the crap out of you. If the facts were presented properly, and people realized just HOW HARD it is to GET HIV, these patterns wouldn't continue. It's a shame.
Also, after being here for years, I can tell you all that I've seen people just refuse to seek help for HIV anxiety/phobias...and they keep coming back, year after year...with one worry after the next. The literally fear it at every turn. On the contrary, people who have dedicated themselves to working hard at getting help, and helping themselves, get their lives back. Will you be 100% free of the thoughts and worries? No. But you will be able to live most days without so much a fleeting thought, that will become easy to dismiss. Look at JG...she got there. It's just SO important to really put your heart into treatment.
Hi Michael. Interesting that you should mention that as I've read a few articles that state OCD manifests itself in early adulthood. I did have it as an early teenager but that literally went as quick as it came (it was the whole germs and washing hands thing).
Like you say, at 22 it kicked in again and has just snowballed since.
Are you currently under therapy and what do you think was your original trigger? I'm sure you will understand from my posts that because I did nothing about it my mind just went off on a tangent and progressively got worse. One of THE biggest mistakes I've ever made. I now know that mental health isn't to be toyed with and is quite a serious matter.
Like you say, at 22 it kicked in again and has just snowballed since.
Are you currently under therapy and what do you think was your original trigger? I'm sure you will understand from my posts that because I did nothing about it my mind just went off on a tangent and progressively got worse. One of THE biggest mistakes I've ever made. I now know that mental health isn't to be toyed with and is quite a serious matter.
It's great to hear how you overcome your fear, hats off to you for that one.
Once I speak with a mental health professional I will see which way I go with regards to exposure therapy. From your success it seems like a viable option when I am ready. However I don't think I'd have the courage to make as big a step as you did. I'd literally breakdown under the anxiety. Maybe I'll need to remedy the 'less riskier' places first like the supermarket. I suppose I'll have to wait and see.
It's quite sad to see how many people suffer from this debilitating fear. Knowing how down it can get you, sometimes to the brink of feeling unable to carry on, I totally sympathise with everyone.
It is quite simply the worst thing I have had to deal with throughout my life and I've been through having no home for a short period, relationship troubles and an short episode with cocaine (of which I haven't touched for around a year).
From both of my concerns I really do hope there are advances in the medical field with regards to treatment. Alot more focus and research into OCD as I feel it is a severely neglected issue, and a successful vaccination or cure for HIV. I know they are both probably not going to happen but we can hope, as the sooner we can rid HIV related OCD the better for everyone out there.
Once I speak with a mental health professional I will see which way I go with regards to exposure therapy. From your success it seems like a viable option when I am ready. However I don't think I'd have the courage to make as big a step as you did. I'd literally breakdown under the anxiety. Maybe I'll need to remedy the 'less riskier' places first like the supermarket. I suppose I'll have to wait and see.
It's quite sad to see how many people suffer from this debilitating fear. Knowing how down it can get you, sometimes to the brink of feeling unable to carry on, I totally sympathise with everyone.
It is quite simply the worst thing I have had to deal with throughout my life and I've been through having no home for a short period, relationship troubles and an short episode with cocaine (of which I haven't touched for around a year).
From both of my concerns I really do hope there are advances in the medical field with regards to treatment. Alot more focus and research into OCD as I feel it is a severely neglected issue, and a successful vaccination or cure for HIV. I know they are both probably not going to happen but we can hope, as the sooner we can rid HIV related OCD the better for everyone out there.
Wow your OCD started at 22 as well,Thats when mine kicked in.I ve a fear of discarded syringes
I am entirely grateful for your comments and time, thanks again. I'm sure you know yourself how good it is to talk to others.
I think where my shame lies is actually having taken the nPEP in the past. I know I've been living an abnormal life and that's the bad thing about it. What average 27 year old has the worries I have and the mindset to seek drug regimens because of the slightest thing?
All in all, I really do wish my mind had focused on something like environmental transmission which if I was to have successful therapy I wouldn't even feel the need to test. However with my concerns I do as they (hopefully fabricated ones at that) revolve around high risk 'exposures'.
With regards to professional help, I berate myself for not seeking this sooner. My mind has been in a downward spiral for around 5 years now. At first my concerns were around discarded needles. I felt comfortable in the supermarket, the clinic, on the street and most importantly at home. Now I don't, with the worst one being if the door to my flat isn't locked then somebody may enter and stab me. The list goes on and on. I try so hard to be 'normal' and put these fears aside but sometimes they just basically go wild.
Hopefully this whole episode is another one of my crazy thoughts and everything will turn out fine.
I think of the logics and that is where I cling to the hope. The whole thought of someone taking a needle out a sharps container is somewhat far fetched but my mind creates doubt.
I think where my shame lies is actually having taken the nPEP in the past. I know I've been living an abnormal life and that's the bad thing about it. What average 27 year old has the worries I have and the mindset to seek drug regimens because of the slightest thing?
All in all, I really do wish my mind had focused on something like environmental transmission which if I was to have successful therapy I wouldn't even feel the need to test. However with my concerns I do as they (hopefully fabricated ones at that) revolve around high risk 'exposures'.
With regards to professional help, I berate myself for not seeking this sooner. My mind has been in a downward spiral for around 5 years now. At first my concerns were around discarded needles. I felt comfortable in the supermarket, the clinic, on the street and most importantly at home. Now I don't, with the worst one being if the door to my flat isn't locked then somebody may enter and stab me. The list goes on and on. I try so hard to be 'normal' and put these fears aside but sometimes they just basically go wild.
Hopefully this whole episode is another one of my crazy thoughts and everything will turn out fine.
I think of the logics and that is where I cling to the hope. The whole thought of someone taking a needle out a sharps container is somewhat far fetched but my mind creates doubt.
Yes, you are correct in that I have been in therapy before. I was in it years ago...many years ago actually. I learned CBT then and to this day I still practice it when the need arises. I also take medication to keep my OCD under control but that doesn't mean I don't have the occasional panic attack and that is where my CBT comes in.
I have had HIV anxiety and that too was many years ago. I was seeing a psychologist at the place I work (University/Hospital) and my therapy was to go and sit in the AIDS clinic during my lunch hour for several weeks. I too had irrational fears of "just getting it." After a few weeks, my fears were alleviated. After a while I just kind of felt like a fraud sitting in the waiting room and I of course realized that I couldn't get HIV from anything in that room including the people.
I have had HIV anxiety and that too was many years ago. I was seeing a psychologist at the place I work (University/Hospital) and my therapy was to go and sit in the AIDS clinic during my lunch hour for several weeks. I too had irrational fears of "just getting it." After a few weeks, my fears were alleviated. After a while I just kind of felt like a fraud sitting in the waiting room and I of course realized that I couldn't get HIV from anything in that room including the people.
I don't pass any judgement, hon...I understand you are fighting with these thoughts in your head, and in turn seeking something that will put your mind at ease. I just want you to have the facts about nPEP. ONE course is toxic enough, and you're saying you've taken it more than once.
You're biggest, deepest fear is that you're going to get physically ill by getting HIV. The ironic thing is, if you continue to seek out nPEP for these imagined incidents, you WILL end up harming yourself taking nPEP when you don't need it. nPEP is something that is reserved for high risk situations with a known + person. That's because there ARE significant risks involved, and doctors don't just hand it out for any situation. I'm not trying to purposely scare you, but you need to know this. Your willingness to take the nPEP shows that you really don't understand what it is....it's not like taking an anitbiotic. I understand you are constantly doing battle with the thoughts as they relate to OCD, but it's important to state that your actions are actually potentially harmful to you, which is why you must really make seeking professional help for the OCD your TOP priority.
The reality is (and I understand that you struggle with this)...HIV infected people are NOT out to get others. Even if they were, if they are educated enough, they woild realize that it would be virtually impossible to infect others, unless they coerced them into having unprotected sex, or sharing an INTRAVENOUS needle...and even those situations don't always lead to infection. And, I'm sure you know this also in your rational mind, but you definitely cannot identify people you THINK have HIV by their appearance. The VAST majority of people in this world do NOT have HIV. The numbers of infected people are actually quite small when you look at the big picture.
I really DO hope you get the help you need. PLEASE please resist the urge to seek out nPEP from now on.....I commend you for resisting the urge this time...I know that isn't easy...but seriously, you are going to end up harming yourself.
You're biggest, deepest fear is that you're going to get physically ill by getting HIV. The ironic thing is, if you continue to seek out nPEP for these imagined incidents, you WILL end up harming yourself taking nPEP when you don't need it. nPEP is something that is reserved for high risk situations with a known + person. That's because there ARE significant risks involved, and doctors don't just hand it out for any situation. I'm not trying to purposely scare you, but you need to know this. Your willingness to take the nPEP shows that you really don't understand what it is....it's not like taking an anitbiotic. I understand you are constantly doing battle with the thoughts as they relate to OCD, but it's important to state that your actions are actually potentially harmful to you, which is why you must really make seeking professional help for the OCD your TOP priority.
The reality is (and I understand that you struggle with this)...HIV infected people are NOT out to get others. Even if they were, if they are educated enough, they woild realize that it would be virtually impossible to infect others, unless they coerced them into having unprotected sex, or sharing an INTRAVENOUS needle...and even those situations don't always lead to infection. And, I'm sure you know this also in your rational mind, but you definitely cannot identify people you THINK have HIV by their appearance. The VAST majority of people in this world do NOT have HIV. The numbers of infected people are actually quite small when you look at the big picture.
I really DO hope you get the help you need. PLEASE please resist the urge to seek out nPEP from now on.....I commend you for resisting the urge this time...I know that isn't easy...but seriously, you are going to end up harming yourself.
Thank you for your comments nursegirl. I totally understand your advice on that and decided to not go and seek nPEP out of the sheer fact I am clinging to the hope it is all fabricated in my mind, and to ask for that I am only cementing the fact it actually did happen. I just hope it was the correct decision as my OCD lingers on me being unable to make many decisions out of fear I will make the wrong one I'll be somewhere where I'll get stabbed. Like the sexual health clinic.
See the thing is, I'll be completely honest with you. I've taken pep before for situations where I think I've been stabbed. Three times. After going to the hospital and being reassured I don't need anything (maybe I should have listened), I turned to the clinic and found an easy way to obtain it. I know you will view this not so kindly but looking back I can see I made the wrong choice and only made my fears worse. Probably not what you wanted to hear and I do feel terrible over these actions but I just couldn't help it at the time. I agree with your comments about JG and would also like to add how great I think your comments are too. I've read alot of your stuff and you do truly make a difference on this forum for the people who are desperate to get rid of this horrible mindset. Thanks again.
See the thing is, I'll be completely honest with you. I've taken pep before for situations where I think I've been stabbed. Three times. After going to the hospital and being reassured I don't need anything (maybe I should have listened), I turned to the clinic and found an easy way to obtain it. I know you will view this not so kindly but looking back I can see I made the wrong choice and only made my fears worse. Probably not what you wanted to hear and I do feel terrible over these actions but I just couldn't help it at the time. I agree with your comments about JG and would also like to add how great I think your comments are too. I've read alot of your stuff and you do truly make a difference on this forum for the people who are desperate to get rid of this horrible mindset. Thanks again.
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
