POCD

Basically I've had/have OCD for over 5 months now..I remember having it asa kid obsessing over stupid things like getting abducted by aliens..

Anyways my ocd started with HOCD ( a fear of being gay) and it switched to other ocds such as a fear of killing people,a fear of my sister dying,

Now my latest one is POCD..I would Rather DIE than become a peedofile! Literally I'd rather die! And right now I'm shaking whether or not I'm a pedo or not :(

Anyways my OCD always searched my memories! And trys to find something to make me fear even MORE!

So anyway...my ocd picked up that this one time...like 5 months ago I was at a festoval...and I was talking to this girl she looked 15/16

Anyway we was talking etc,flirting etc etc! And later on I found out her age 13! Which put me off her! And nothing went further...knowing her age

If u would have seen her,she looked older! A lot older...she had all the features pretty much a 16/17 year old girl would have.


Now my mind won't stop replaying this! And I'm scared to think now that I am a peedo! And if I am I'd wud rather just not be alive!

I'm sat here shaking and so scared and my heart won't stop beating! I no this is my ocd but I'm really scared!
I wud NEVER want to harm a child,I'd rather commit suicide.

[JGF25]

Hi there...again.  Okay, this too I have been through.  Have you figured out yet that what we kill ourselves thinking about are those things that we are afraid of the most.  The HOCD is in a bit of a different realm, but the realm of being afraid we are going to hurt somebody, become a *********, etc. all lead to ruined lives and jail and what is worse than that?  Just like you are not going to wake up gay, you are not going to wake up and be a *********.  Just like being gay, I think pedophilia is also genetic.  What makes a person attracted to the opposite sex?  Our chemical makeup.  What would make a person attracted to the same sex?  Our chemical makeup.  What would make a person attracted to children?  Our chemical make up.  I promise you that this is just another disturbing thought that your brain has come up with because this is what those of us with full-blown out of control OCD do.  We flip the switch off something and on to something else.  It is so exhausting.  Any little thing can set us off...you found out her age and boom..."What-if" started.  I once thought I would go blind while I was driving...really, how stupid is that.  I mean you name it, we can think it.  

You are not a *********, you are never going to be a *********.  But what I see is a person who does not have their OCD under control and needs to work on that ASAP.  

[JGF25]

The *** are the pedo word...they don't like it on MedHelp apparently.  

[boywonder123]

thanks once again..i had my OCD under control and this came into mind..now  im just trying to ignore it and move on from this but at times the thoghts get terrible to much.