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Relationship OCD
I have OCD and being in a loving relationship for the first time in my life is making it worse. 12 weeks ago I was drunk in the red light district of a European city with friends. I can recall most of the night, yet the end becomes unclear. I left the bar with I was at with friends and I think I got a taxi back to the hotel, (I tend to just go home on my own accord when I know I had enough to drink) can vaguely remember this, I fell asleep in the hotel room with all my clothes on, my friends returned to find me sleeping a few hours later. I can roughly account for my money. However I now have intrusive thoughts and obsessive that I may of paid for sex and can't remember. It's ruining my life and affecting my work and I don't know where to turn.
I had another night out and the same fears are hounding me yet I can remember this night and coming home! I thought I was putting the Stag Night in Hamburg behind hence I went out, now am worried about both nights!
Is the guilt from the false memories am creating? It's not even as if it's a continuing recurring thought, it changes all the time.
Is the guilt from the false memories am creating? It's not even as if it's a continuing recurring thought, it changes all the time.
I only know I left because friends said I was going out for a cigarette and didn't return, the last bar I was in I can't remember. No matter how drunk I been in the past I always first thing in the morning remember if I d had sex or been with a girl ( before being in a relationship ). I didn't even want to be out that night, I never been a cheater in the past and I think the OCD has latched on to the fact how much am in love with my girlfriend. She's been amazing for me and I told her all my fears and the OCD. It's truly difficult this problem, good days, ok days and horrible days.
If you have had OCD since you were 11 you HAVE to know that this thought is irational and you can chalk it up to your OCD. You are not the first person to have this thought. You have given enough detail about other parts of the night which means you would have remembered having sex with somebody. Didn't happen. Discuss with your therapist and practice your CBT. Do your controlled breathing. Do your self-coaching.
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