Repressed gay or HOCD sufferer?

I have had something like this in my head since last Christmas. Actually, it started a while before that. I had a 'friend' who told me that because of my Catholic education and beliefs about sex being intimate and important and because of the fact that I was into art, I was gay, and he said everybody thought i was. (I was actually planning on getting into film because I wanted to marry an actress). I had an alternate fetish so I spent a good chunk of my sexual youth pleasing myself to that and because I paid little attention to just the female form, I didn't find it to be as stimulating. I didn't have a gf either because I was shy and unconfident. And my 'friend' made me feel unconfident in general, so when he started to say that about me you can imagine where I went. Then one kid from my high school leaves the school and comes out as a CREEPY gay, like comes back and tries to seduce our dean, begins to post groups of kids coming out on facebook and one happens to look normal, compared to the transvestites I saw non stop at school and i thought about what it was like to come out, getting into character as a writer. I said it with reference to some odd moments in my past and some in my early childhood, mainly when i was unaware of what sex was. I thought that because of the psychiatric terms I saw on TV, and as a child I had some sort of anatomy like fascination with the male sex organ and I had moments when i showed people it (1. to prove i was a boy, 2. cause i thought it was funny if i did, 3. because i wanted people to stop tackling me) those moments would mean I was prone to it and would give people further justification in thinking it. But i said it so convincingly with that that I actually believed it and I began to feel sexual attraction at the sight of a man's face. However, when I got back to school I bumped into a girl from my hometown that I always had something for and I fell in love with her again. I ended up finding a girlfriend and I just relaxed the rest of the semester. There was a gay librarian that tried to flirt with me and i stopped going to the library because of him. However, I go back to my hometown and get a job as a busboy and I have to come off as upbeat and friendly and Im serving townies. I'm convinced I'm giving them further justification in thinking that I'm gay and the original worrying comes back. However, this started in June of 2010. I'd go on wikipedia and see so many people in art were gay so i thought more of a reason for them to think this about me, therefore, i must be. And people always talk about how everybody has gay friends and gay relatives, and i felt in some odd way like I was supposed to fall under that 'duty'. Before this started, I'd feel the urge to do odd things in a psychopathic way. There's a knife right there... or there's a gun right there... I'm standing near a cliff... Since this started, I have never been sexually aroused by naked men and I'm quite disturbed by the idea of gay sex. I've been able to think about girls and get aroused without any problems. I watched a gay porn and thought that was too ****** up for me to do. I finally started to watch real porn in October and was finally able to get a boner from a naked girl. I only watch lesbian porn because I feel uncomfortable watching porn even with 5 girls and one guy cause i'll think it's to the guy im getting happy about. But I always try to convince myself I'm gay? When girls flirt with me I feel awesome. Guys? Uh-uh. I don't know what this is? I can find a man's face attractive, but everything else? No. I talked to my therapist about this and she says I'm straight, as does my mother, who is in touch with everybody in my hometown and assures me that nobody thinks that, because parents question each other's kids. I am slowly starting to rediscover sexual attraction in women. I'm trying to do something with a girl, who makes me feel like I'm alive when I'm near her. But I still find a man's face to be attractive at times, sometimes much more than a girls. But a girl's attraction does return. Am I a repressed homosexual or am I suffering HOCD?
HELP ME!

[Isosceles]

Relax! If you're not comfortable with the idea of being with a man, i mean if you're not aroused by it, then you're not gay. I think you might have HOCD. I'm telling you this because something similar has been happening to me for the last two months. Gay folks know they're gay, it's just that they are afraid to be rejected by society at the beginning. They're born like that. You can't suddenly become gay, specially if the idea of having sex with a man makes your levels of anxiety spike. You should identify those thoughts and relabel them as a chemical disorder in your brain. This webpage should help you to get rid of HOCD http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/am_i_gay.html

I'm not sure I wrote this comment very well. Spanish is my first language XD

Greetings from Argentina

[mandyo2011]

Hey - I am female, but I relate to your self awareness, and a lot of the things you are questioning -- my therapist simply told me to go to a bar, meet a woman, go as far as I want with that, and I should know for sure.  It worked.  I think boys are cute, sexy, and a penis does turn me on, but women - they rock my world!  Anyway, the point I want to make is:  don't worry about labels and stereo types.  If you don't feel like you are behaving or looking like the next straight OR gay guy, don't worry.  the most important thing is to act like YOU, and you will love yourself most that way. (and so will everyone else)  You sound wonderfully unique in your style and attitude, so keep shining, and glad to hear you are getting support from your mom.  Everything falls into place in the end, so don't worry - what's going to happen is going to happen either way.  Just enjoy the journey dude!  And if you are reading your bible, remember to put God first - that's the best you can do for yourself.