This is a LONG post so please PLEASE bare with me. I really need some help, guidance, and support. I posted this in the anxiety forum too, but I wanted to post it here too since people on this board will have different experiences than the people on the anxiety board and I can hopefully get more feedback. I'm so thankful for anything that you can tell me to help.
When I was a kid I suffered from intrusive thoughts that would keep me from living a normal life. I would become so consumed by the thoughts I couldn't eat. My parents thought it was just growing pains or something and didn't take me to a doctor but eventually I grew out of it. As I reached adulthood I had another bought with a kind of intrusive thought and chalked it up to anxiety and my GP put me on zoloft which I've been on ever since. A few months ago I weaned off since my husband and I want to have a baby.
About four weeks ago I went out with a friend from work and really binge drank. I am NOT normally a big drinker, but that night I drank A LOT, WAYYY more than I ever do. I mean I'm not even someone that even sits with a glass of wine on Saturday night watching T.V. I usually only have a drink or two if I'm out with friends. So please don't think I'm a drunk, I'm not.
So we had fun I was social and talking to people, started to get ready to come home and my husband came and picked me up. The next day I was hungover (of course) and felt a little bit of drinkers remorse (that feeling you sometimes get after drinking that makes you feel guilty like you've done something wrong) well the next day I all of the sudden felt like I had cheated on my husband while I was out. I mean really that's impossible I don't remember anything like that, my friend doesn't remember anything like that at all happening... but it was just the terrible thought that popped into my brain and would not go away. I had a panic attack and felt like I was dying. I decided that I obviously was suffering from anxiety (maybe kickstarted by the alcohol) again and when back to my GP and she put me back on my zoloft.
I had TERRIBLE start up side effects (not sleeping, no appetite, more anxiety). After three weeks I went back in and she upped my dose from 50mg to 100mg (she wanted me to do 75mg for a few days then 100) I never made it do the 100 because I felt so awful on the 75. I felt like maybe she was the wrong person to ask about this she seemed to want to write me an RX and send me off without really talking to me so I decided to see a psychiatrist.
After talking with the psychiatrist they determined that I wasn't actually suffering from anxiety but OCD which makes sense since my grandfather has it. I looked it up and that makes way more sense with the intrusive thoughts and all.
He is cross tapering me off of the zoloft and onto fluvoxamine (Luvox). He's also going to start me on CBT.
Having OCD is something I'm trying to wrap my head around. I've been researching it and it definitely fits with how I've felt my whole like (except while I was on zoloft) but some of the other symptoms that I don't have (like hallucinations) and downright scary. Am I at risk to develop those too? Is this all going to get worse with age? Will I even have a normal life?
Right now I feel so anxious and afraid I'm sure a lot of it is starting the new medicine and it not being fully in my system yet (i'm only one 25 mg and will be going up to 100)
Can someone please give me some insight on what I can expect and if I'll be able to have a normal life?
My proc wrote me and RX for xanax (.25 mg) in case I had another panic attack and I woke up at like 4:30 this morning and could not sleep and felt very panicky (I'm always worse in the mornings) and took half a xanax and waited half and hour and I felt nothing but more jittery I took the other half and still only jitters. It did nothing for my anxiety at all.
Someone please give me ANY info you have on either OCD and anxiety or my new medicine or my situation. I feel like my life is lost and I'm doomed to be miserable forever :(