The question to which i need an answer to get my old life back
Well, i guess that "Repugnant Sexual Thoughts" would be the best topic to describe this.
Before anything i'm about to say, i am 100% sure of what i want, and i'm 100% sure that these thoughts are wrong.
Ok, here we go.
As said in the "about me" part of my profile, i'm a 16 year-old teenager, as usual, this is the age during which the doubts, the thoughts about life, etc. begin, but, well, i came to meet these thoughts that i NEVER thought i would a victim of.
I'm a 100% sure, i love and admire women, i actually happen to think they're a lot stronger than men, mentally and phisically, we would never be able to give birth to children nor be able to understand their line of thought (Yes, i may seem a generalist, but i'm not, women are indeed different from men) which is why my dream is to some day, have a wife, have children, see the miracle of life, also, they are beautiful creatures, the most beautiful of the planet.
But, just like all the other 16 year-olds, and i'm sure many of them already came here with this kind of problem, we start thinking about homosexuality. But such a thing shouldn't happen to me, there wasn't a single time i was atracted to another male, also, i don't even like the way that other guys play with each other, all the holding, pretending they're wrestling, all that, not that i think of homosexuality by looking at it, i just rather talk or be left alone enjoying the music in my mp4 player, that's the way i behave.
Now, as an explanation to the begining of the problem i'm gonna say what caused that begining.
Well, most, or all, 16 year old guys, we watch pornography on the internet, it's no secret, everyone likes porn. And i never liked to see penises in porn, i would just rather watch female masturbation or lesbian porn, always, and we (me and my friends) always discuss what kind of girls we like, then we eventually begin to talk about porn, then we eventually say what kind of porn we like the most.
But about 5 months ago, one of my friends came at me saying that the fact that i found penises a bit repusive could mean that i could be bisexual and not wanting to admit it. Well, i got preety pissed, when people start saying things about me i always wonder if they are true or not. Unfortunately, i spent to much time worrying about it, then i realized that i was thinking about that every day, i thought "hell, this is driving me crazy, enough of this, i'm not thinking about this any longer, let's enjoy life" BUT, it DIDN'T GO AWAY, whenever i see a random guy, on TV, walking on the street, watching animé, the thought comes back then "God damn it, here we go again, don't think about it, think about the film/serie/game/school", i may get distracted, for like half hour, but then it comes back. Then, some times, the thought goes to my penis, i think "What the hell is happening, i don't find males atractive, then why is this happening.", it doesn't grow, it just feels weird like any time you think about your penis, although it doesn't make any sense, i don't feel atracted to males, i don't even like being touched by them, i start thinking about my penis pointlessly.
So, i want this thought to vanish, i'm sure of what i want, i want my dream of having a wife to come true, i can't let this interfere, i want a girlfriend, i want to adore a girl some day, have kids, if i don't, then i'm afraid that my life won't make any sense, because that's my dream, that's what i want in life, a house, a wife, kids. I would rather die than not to see that wish acomplished.
So, i want some advice, how do i get rid of this? I'm sure that i'm straight, there's no doubt about that, so, enough, i want to forget this and go on with my life.
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