Very weird thoughts/pictures in my mind. Is this considered an intrusive thought?

[Sarah1277]

I'm feeling very frightened about posting this because I'm afraid I will learn that I am completely crazy, but I have weird thoughts about my body being made in a different way. I get pictures in my mind of my head being made up of lots of tiny bones with no skin covering the scalp, just lots of little bones all kind of clumped together in place of my hair and skull and it makes me feel sick.
I'm in my thirties and the first time I got thoughts and pictures in my head like this I was 17. I have no idea how I could have conjured such images and I have never ever told them to anyone, but the pictures in my mind are horrible. I don't have these thoughts all the time. Sometimes I don't think about it for months, even years or sometimes I'm able to push this awful vision out of my head. Since I was seventeen, it's maybe got into my head for a few days or weeks every couple of years. It tends to be during stressful times or after periods of depression, but I can't imagine anyone else in the world ever getting such bizarre thoughts or grotesque images of something that's not even real, but is disturbing all the same. Could this be considered an intrusive thought? I've read about intrusive thoughts about being afraid you'll hurt yourself or someone you love and I've had those too, but I've never really suffered from the repeating ritual part of OCD. However, with this thought, sometimes I press my scalp with my fingers to make sure it's normal, but not on a scheduled habitual basis. Even though I know it's not real, if I think about the picture hard enough my scalp feels tingly and it really terrifies me that such an image ever entered my mind and how I conjured it up and now I'll always remember it, even if I don't want to. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and I take Lexapro and have a great therapist, but I'm even afraid to tell her about this thought/vision in case she has me committed. Last night I couldn't sleep because of it and I feel very afraid and lonely. I'm afraid to tell my husband this thought/vision in case I creep him out. I can't imagine anyone else getting weird visions of bodies being made in a different way like that, just from their imagination. Am I the only person in the world to get such a grotesque disturbing image that's not something that could be real or ever happen? I'm scared. Help! Thanks!

[ILADVOCATE]

You might want to look up the term "body dysmorphia". That is a misperception of how one views their body and it can often be part of ocd. If you experience any form of intrusive or unwarranted thoughts it would be worthwhile to speak to a psychiatrist about it and that might be one issue you would want to ask about.

[Sarah1277]

Thanks for your response. I aprreciate you offering some suggestions. I don't think it has anything to do with "Body Dysmorphia" though. I don't believe that my head actually looks this way, so I don't think this is to do with my appearance, sometimes the thought or picture of a scalp made of tiny bones just pops into my mind and I think, what if it did look this way? But I know it's not real, however the thought is disturbing to me because I find it so grotesque and abnormal and I'm horrified that such an image could enter my head and then I start to worry what it means about me as a person. On the outside I am happy with my appearance. I consider myself a normally attractive person and I don't look in the mirror and feel bad about my looks. If anything I feel pretty good about my appearance most of the time. I appreciate the response though and you trying to offer help and suggestions. I think I'm really looking for support to see if anyone else on here has grotesque images in their mind that aren't based on any kind of reality and that trouble them as much as this thought troubles me. I wish I could let it go, and sometimes I can, but I don't think it's normal at all and just need to know that someone else has some similar thoughts and pictures in their mind and how they deal with them.

[chelle_1]

sarah,  I had these horrible intrusive images also in my thirties,  and worse, it is ocd, if it was something else you wouln't have doubts about the thoughts.You would beleive them without a doubt.  Prozac helped me  comepletely.