Violent Images and Thoughts

[monarchhz]

Hi, I'm a 15 year old male in High School, and I think I may have a mild case of OCD. It really started a year months ago, when I started to feel depressed and was usually always anxious. A lot of things contributed to these feelings, such as pressure, lonliness and etc. But it got really crappy a few weeks ago, when I started to get violent thoughts and images pop into my head. So essentially, no compulsions, just obsessions.

I always avoided the subject of sucide and things like that, which probably contributed to the OCD. I used to rarely get these thoughts, and when I did, I would just brush it off, and not care about it. But a few weeks ago, I got thoughts that told me to harm myself and the ones around me. They started off as just words, but for the past few days, I've also started to get images.

I am generally a very calm person. I don't know if this is important, but I am not a very assertive person. Sometimes I may have a problem with something, but not say anything, to avoid conflict. I also tend to lose my temper sometimes and get really frustrated, but I would NEVER do anything like my thoughts. I don't understand exactly what is causing this, maybe stress.

What should I do? Because I tend to lose my temper from time to time, there's always the fear of losing control. But I know I would never do anything violent or harm anyone. Because I obsess over these violent thoughts, sometimes they affect my dreams, which scare the heck out of me. What should I do? I've been trying some self-help things such as meditation and deep breathing, and I've even cut back on things such as violent video games.

[GirlWhoIsNotCrazy]

I agree with 888mom. You should definitely talk to someone, but I think it should be someone who is trained in situations like these. I've had images and feelings of hurting people as well as very violent dreams in  which I kill hundreds of people. They repulse me and I always feel disgusting and guilty after them even though they are not my fault. Talk to your school councellor, they are confidential and can help you. Good luck! And remember that you're not a freak!

[888mom]

Try to find someone you can talk to.  I can't offer any suggestions, but I've learned from personal experience that if you try to handle a tough situation on your own, it usually gets worse not better.  I've also learned that you can't share things with just anyone.  It has to be either a close friend or some sort of mentor.  I did Tai Chi for a couple years, and was able to deal with some personal issues with the tai chi instructor.  I'm female, so Tai-Chi is more of a calmer thing than traditional karate, but karate and tai chi instructors like to mentor people.  The instructors like to talk about how it's a mental discipline as well as self-defense.  It took me a few months before I approached my Tai Chi instructor to talk about certain issues I was going through.  I had to get to know them and they had to get to know me a little bit first.  maybe you have someone who is a mentor or a close friend already you could ask.  I'd say go talk to your parents, but I never did as a teenager about certain things.  I was too afraid they'd ground me or not trust me... looking back on it, I wish I had talked to them about certain things.  It may have made life easier even though it seemed impossible to do.