What is this?

[Jennifer1987]

Heres my story! Might be long but I need help with it...

I was in a relationship with a fella for 2 and a half years.. It was ok for the first 6 months but things took a turn downhill from then on... he cheated on me with his ex.. When he told me I freaked out but after a few weeks of him begging, crying i finally gave in and got back with him..... But it wasn't the same.. He was distant, we fought a lot, never went out and cut ourselves off from our frends... (to try work on things).. the relationship was so unstable, we would break up every 3-4 months with out fail...... He lied constantly, spoke to me nasty and was very mean.. he put everything before me, his work, friends, dog...Every little thing he could! He would head out on nights with friends and wouldn't invite me.. if i got tick ovet it he would call me a drama queen.. I got really paranoid about everything, felt everyone was out to get me..... then i started getting bad anxiey when I would hear the mention of his ex (the one he cheated with) or if I saw her but it would go the min I forgot about her and stuff....

I think I fell into a depression, felt lonely, and lost really! Never told anyone he cheated, kept it all to myself, which was a big mistake....... We ended it for good 3 months ago!

So my problem:

September 2008 he wanted to go on a lads weekend away (i was afriad he would cheat) and the week before he went I got bad anxiety with intrusive thoughts! And they have been with me sense... Its been like a year now and I must admit sense we split they have reduced a lot but still there....

im in counselling and she thinks I have chronic anxiety over the situation.... That he and some things from my childhood have all surfaced...... I cant deal with this any more.. im so frightened that i have developed OCD... I asked her so many times and she said she doesn't think so! Im a mess at teh mo.. Im trying to get better but I cant!

Does anyone have any opinion on this???  Can this all be just chronic anxiety otr is it OCD????

Im just so overwhelmed that I dont know what to do any more.. :-(

[nrgbunni]

I have OCD and i think what your describing is more of an axiety thing (but im no expert).
Usually OCD involves repetition of certain rituals for example constantly needing to wash ur hands in fear of germs, closing/locking doors, switching off lights, placing objects in symetry, etc. Either way it sounds like you need to ask a profesional for help. Good luck and take care

[Jennifer1987]

Oh sorry forgot to answer the questions.. they are repetitive butwhen mostly Im around strange ppl (women)... I dont have to do anything to get relief but they do freak me out... That makes it worse..

i think that my ex has just sent me into a state of anxiety that i cant get out of.. We fought a lot and I always ended up in tears over something.. Always was anxious just never accepted that we were over untill i went dowm hill!

[Jennifer1987]

they have nothing to do with my past more anxiety around strange people....Mostly women... I had massive anxiety around the girl my ex cheated with and then it just kinda started around strange people I didnt know! Im ok around my friends but this anxiety is cauing horrible thoughts that freak me out :-(

[chelle_1]

Jennifer, Hi, I have ocd and anxiety, I read your letter twice, .  I am not sure if you have ocd, but are your intrusive thoughts, repetitive, do they make you feel anxious and quilty, and do you feel like you must do something  to undo them, ?  As far as childhood memories if you do have ocd and allot of anxiety going over childhood stuff, is just going to scare you and make you obsess worse.  Try a therapist who does cbt, and if you want to be evaluated for ocd go to a psychiatrist, not a psychologist,  Most psycologist dont understand ocd.    hugs chelle_1

[Jennifer1987]

I did that at the start. Never wanted to be around any one. But I have totally changed that now and still go to counselling so well see how things go!

thanks for you comments!

[estevato]

Im no doctor and my opinion is solely mine, but as long as you work hard and are reaching out for help, you will get better.  I wouldnt recommend closing yourself off from people, you need a support system.  Family and friends and a counselor can really help.  God bless you, may the Lord help you in this rough time; as for me

[Jennifer1987]

Thanks you. I know what you mean! At the start it was soo bad for me,i couldn sleep at all.. I mean my mind would never switch off... i closed myself offf rom everyone I know mainly cause my anxiety was so horrible...

I just need to know if i have developed OCD or if its issues that are unyet known to me....

[estevato]

I completely understand how you feel.  I have the same feeling.  Constant bothersome feeling in the mind, paranoia, no tranquility and peace of mind.  You are not alone, these feeling just hit me; I have no history of this either.  It feels as if you want to switch on a button and boom! youre at peace.  Unfortunately it isnt that easy and other people think it is.  Im sorry you feel that way. I will pray that we both return to be our normal selves