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Why am I so scared
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Why am I so scared

I feel like I am going crazy. I happy that I have found this website. Reading others fears and obsessions makes me realize I am not the only one. When I get really stressed out is when my OCD takes control over me. I current am obsessing about an event that occured. I went out of town with my boyfriend, we were in the hotel and I am a pretty friendly person and always interested in meeting others. I had girl come and start talking to me so I went and sat with her and her friends for about 15 minute just chatting about where they were from and what they were in town for. The girl ended up buying me a beer at the bar which was only 5 steps away and  then say bye a few minutes later and left. I was completely fine then a week later a started to freak out thinking what if they put something in my drink that is going to make me really sick. I felt completely normal I played a slot machine for an hr after that and then me and my boyfriend just went up to the room watched some tv and went to bed felt normal and woke up at 8 felt completely fine but yet I still fear they did something to me but yet my facts show that I was not in danager but my mind keeps making up these irrational stories and making them feel that I am in danger and I am sick now. Everyone tells me that the people were just being nice and that not everyone is bad and out to get you. They say they wouldn't think twice about it but yet i stay up late at night making up scenarios in my mind and then I have a panic attack
10 Comments Post a Comment
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD?  Have you had any other irrational thoughts that kind of stuck around?  Let me put your mind at ease, there is nothing they put in your beer.  What is it you are afraid of exactly that they put in it?  Is there something specific your mind is keying in on?
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Avatar_f_tn
Yea I was diagnosed with OCD about 9 months ago. I am scared they drugged me and did it harm to my body, which I think is crazy myself but my mind still fears the thought. I have had other eposides that have stuck around for awhile. It happens when I think i have put myself at risk for getting sick I get these irrational thoughts on how I might be sick. My first attack happened after watching a video in my health care class about a couple that had contract HIV. I freaked out and had to be test which the lady at clinic bet me her paycheck i wasn't, my fears were subsided after talking with her and her telling me my risk is low and I am ok. I had to go back though and get tested and it came back negative but yet i still stayed up nights thinking i was infected. That pry was my worst one and it still pops up every once in while and then I get thoughts about how the clinic gave me it. I have multiple others, I have thought I had colon cancer and had to go through the testing for that. I once used someones eye drops and thought I was going to lose my eye or that they gave me an infectious disease. The internet is a horrible thing for someone with OCD there is a ton of inaccurate information out there and can put crazy thoughts into someones mind. My therapist told me I need to stay clear of it but when i was avoiding google info on my event which i didn't even know what to google about and that told me there how far fetch my thinking was getting I found this site instead. I wanted to see if there were others suffering with this. I know my fears are irrational and far fetch but I can't forget about  them and move on instead I obsess about them. Writing is what helps me typing this all out as put me in a nonfearful state but in a few hours Ill be back to a high anxiety state of mind
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Ahhh....health-related OCD.  Does your therapist teach cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)?  What do you do when you see him/her?  

Yes the internet is not the friend of a person with OCD because we will ignore all the positive things and key in on the negative so definitely don't google stuff.  

Do you keep a journal?  Since writing helps, you should keep a journal and when you are writing you should be replacing those negative thoughts with positive statements of fact.  Also, when it gets tough, try this breathing technique.

Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and count this out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth.  Continue to do the breathing until you are calm.  It is possible to hyperventilate without knowing it and that is more than likely what is going on when you are in the "high anxiety state."  So do this as often as needed to calm yourself down.  You can do it in any situation and nobody will even know you are doing it.  It is good to practice lying down at first with your hands on your stomach so that you can feel the rise and fall of it with each breath.  

Continue with your therapy and I'm sure he/she told you that you can't avoid situations.  You need to face them head on because avoidance behavior will just leads to other problems.  The only thing you are going to get from touching something is the common cold or flu.  You won't get anything else.  But I know that this thinking is easier said than done.  Just do your breathing, journaling and therapy.  

There are meds you can take if it gets really bad so keep that in mind if you don't mind taking something to help you.  Some people are averse to meds but in any case, CBT is important and so you should definitely learn those techniques.  I can stop a panic attack from starting with CBT or if it has already started, I can get right out of it.  

Let me know how it is going for you.  Take care.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Yea I have a health related OCD. My therapist gave me a book called "The OCD workbook" It as been vey helpful. I am currently reading a book by Dale Carnegie "How to Stop worring and Start Living" it has also help me. I do not get full blown panic attacks anymore which is wonderful since those are so embarrassing and people basicly think you have lost your mind. When I am with my therapist he tells me to tell myself out loud what am I worried about? then after accomplishing that he tells me to write done my facts and only my facts and then to write out what I do about it and if nothing then I just need to take some breathes and relax.Which I do like I your breathing exercise, I am going to try it. Like you said he tells me to face my situations head on and try to think rationally. Also to absolutely avoid the "what if?" thinking which I do alot of but am getting better at. He told me to avoid telling myself negative things at first i constantly told myself that I am crazy and my thoughts are stupid and that poeple think I am weird. I have recently started writing in a journal a few days ago. I just recently found out that writing as a positive impact on my thinking. Things become much clearer when I write.I tend to dwell on things. After writing to you and reading you response has turned my day around because I dont feel jugde I feel understood if that makes sense.I feel alone sometimes. My family, friends and boyfriend do not understand how OCD works so the tend to either get annoyed or mad that I keep bringing my irrational thoughts up so I avoid sharing with them. I try to deal with my irrational thoughts alone but it is very difficult at times. I do share them with my therapists
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1699033_tn?1405352675
It sounds like things are on the right path for you.  It does take time and it sounds like you are working hard to get better which is great because a lot of people just come on the forum and say what is wrong and post again and again and never try to help themselves.  I recommend the OCD Workbook myself.  Yes, try the breathing technique and see if it helps.  I'm so happy that you are learning the tools you need to help yourself.  Do post again if you need anything else.  

And no, people without OCD cannot understand our thought patterns.  And I know reassurance makes us feel better but that feeling is pretty fleeting.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm scared again what if these people that bought this beer got into my hotel room and took me out of it and did things to me and now I have contagious diseases and then they put me back into my room and I have no memory of this. I'm freaking out about this could have this happened I remember going to bed around 11 or so  and then waking up about 3 or so and going to the bathroom. I should of never talked to those people at the time I did not see the harm but this one incidence has had me all crazy for last 2 weeks.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry this is my obsessive thoughts that are makin me believe this. It is my thoughts that have convinced me of this scenario, the scenario did not happen  it is far fetch but yet so real to me. My OCD is getting the best of me. Sorry for the post I was just scared and my mind was swirling out of control. I didnt want to text anyone or call anyone to talk to them about since I know is end up embarrassed.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Okay, try to breathe because you are probably hyperventilating and need calm yourself down.  Use the breathing technique I told you about.  Then think back to that night.  You know when you went to bed, you know when you got up to use the bathroom.  Close your eyes and imagine that people came in the room and did whatever to you.  If you were aware at 11:00 and aware at 3:00 don't you think you would be aware if somebody came in.  How would they get in?  Knock on the door...so imagine somebody knocking on the door, imagine you answering, imagine them hauling you away....when you try to picture this, does it feel real.  Don't you think you would have screamed?  It always helps me to picture the scenario I'm afraid of so that I realize that it couldn't have happened.  It is a form of exposure therapy.   I understand the embarassment completely.  Trust me, I used to blurt stuff out to my husband until he started looking at me like I had two heads.  That is when I realized I have to do this myself.  Only I can fix me.  I cannot expect him to understand OCD but I do expect him to support me.  Open the workbook and start trying the worksheets.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I would screamed and I would remember because if it was drugged I wouldn't remember going to bed or gettin up. I was not drugged then and would of been aware what was going on. I'm fearing my thoughts and not actual real life. I ended up writing and it calmed me. I was still anxious when I got up but after reading your comment and imagining it.. I would have done something or remember something thank you
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Your welcome.
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