Why do I started having crazy thoughts that I'm gay

[Nobleheart14]

Woman, the most beautiful creation that God has ever given men, I have always said this on and on, and will keep saying it until I die. I have never masterbated to gay porn, it's typical scary for me to even have the tought of doing that. But lately I began freaking out because I started thinking that I am gay, when I have done nothing but sleept with woman ever  since the age of 11 and now I'm 23. all my life, all I have been doing is screwing woman , loving them, going out of my way to please them, got boners of them, & now all of sudden I began having these weird thoughts about being gay, I could bear look at men, scares the shid out of me, makes me feel like I'm about to die , disapear. All my passions about having sons and daughter drained out off me, that is my biggest concern & my biggest life plan, the only thing that motivates me in life is knowing that one day I will have my flesh and bones.my children,  I never found men attractive, nor do I want to, but these thoughts are ripping my brains, destroyING me in the inside. I have always joked about gays, which now I regret so much, because they are people still, but I swear I would trade anything in the world to stop having these nightmares , I can't function , I can't concentrate, I can't bear walk around with the notion believing that I am gay when I'm not. God please help me, please help me, I picture life with a beautiful wife & kids. Those who had the issues before how have you been coping?

[Nobleheart14]

I am happy out of disbelief that I am not crazy, having this crazy thoughts, it occurs often during worst time too where I am thinking to myself, like sometimes I would not stare at any dude at all because then I hear thoughts in my heald like "you know you like that" that's the part that scares me the most, I don't like it and I don't want too, even sometimes when I come across a dudes picture , same thing happens, & I know myself , I know that the regular me will start making fun the dude, all through out high school and middle school as well as college, I have been very homophobic, and still is, however these thoughts make think what if I'm like them, but I know im not ,& then want to be, sometimes I would catch myself saying repeatedly "I swear to god I'm not gay" repeatedly to convince my self that I am not.I had gay manager, and it was like he didn't even exist when he worked with me, he knew me better to keep his distance. I can't ever stop loving a woman, that's just not going to happen to me, hell no. How long did it take you to come back to you're senses? I swear when I come back to NY senses I will donate to red cross just for the heck of it, & I swear I will have 3 kids , just for the heck of it as well..God be with me please

[Mb14]

I have dealt with this and overcome it. It will be hard, but what you really have to do is get help. This form of OCD is just one form of it. I went to therapy and after talking and talking about it, I realized that I just wasn't gay. It is HOCD. The people that are gay have known it their entire life and cover it up for some reason. Mostly religion or fear of telling family. What you are experiencing is a form of OCD called Pure O and the theme of it is sexuality.

I beat this without therapy, but am currently dealing with relationship OCD. I recently started meds and am praying that these help. They do make you less anxious but the obessions are still there. I was originally against medication, but have completely changed my mind on them.

Therapy is a must. Meds are your choice. You should see a therapist and talk things out with him.

Also- Not everything is so black and white. There are straight people that find some men attractive, they just are not sexually attracted to them and don't desire to have sex with them.

[JGF25]

I think therapy is very effective.  I wouldn't be where I am today without it.  And thank you for the complement.  I try my best to be of help to those that suffer from the same disorder that I do.  

[Nobleheart14]

Thank you so much, this is such a relief, like that is not the only thought I have been having, before this one began I began thinking that I was evil, a murder right after watching a presentation that my professor has shown us, it scrape the cap out of me, I kept thinking that I had hurt somebody, then realistically I came to my senses, I know that I don't even condone violence, and hate blood, & I'm more of an humanitarian than anything.. & after that than this crazy thoughts of being gay came to mind, began driving me nuts, I have always been with girls my whole life, it just makes my heart sink to even think I'm gay, I already have names planned for my children , it hurst me to think that it won't happen.. like I said the idea of being a father one day motivates me. I need someone to take these thoughts out my head. Do you really think therapy will be affective? BTW you're amazing , you're a hero in my eyes .  

[JGF25]

Hi there.  If you look on this forum you will see that "HOCD" is very common for people suffering from OCD.  Listen, we don't wake up one day and become gay.  Whether we are gay I believe is hard wired in our genetics.  

Is this the only thought that you have ever got stuck on?  

OCD is all about control and fear.  The more we fear something the less control we have over it.  If you were to say out loud you were gay, you wouldn't want to run out and find a boyfriend so how could you possibly be gay?  You are not gay.  

Here is an excellent article about OCD in general

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1EODB_enUS525US545&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=ten%20things%20fred%20penzel

and another one about HOCD

www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php

If you are at the point where you can't function, then I deem that as crisis mode.  Basically unchecked OCD leads to depression and you may be there or at least on your way.  Do you have access to a psychologist where you live so that you can learn cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)?