blood on sidewalk?

[lola099]

This time I know the trigger:

My husband went away on business with the stomach flu and I did not hear from him in 22 hours. That is highly unlike him and I spent the entire night in a panic that something had happened to him, I finally heard from him this a.m. so my panic has relaxed. But it seems the OCD has not.

I went out for lunch today, on the way back to the office I saw a big red splash on the sidewalk and yup of course immediately thought it was blood. It was fresh and still wet and actually pooled in the holes of the sidewalk. I may have stepped in some of it, as there were smudges from someone else's footprint. So I am now convinced that I stepped in blood and that I have Hep C on my shoe.

I actually went back to the spot later to see if the red had changed color so I could convince myself that it wasn't in fact blood and of course going back is a double edged sword... I am afraid that I put myself at risk again but feel that I need to know if it is blood and if I am any risk. If I know it is not blood, I will be ok. But until I know I am freaking out.

I am also exhausted from not sleeping all night and on OCD high from the stress of last night.

I am trying CBT but nothing is working right now. The only thing that will make me feel better is knowing that that is not blood on the sidwalk and I am not sure how I can do that. Or if I even want to. Or if I should cause then I am feeding the OCD. But I know if I know it is not blood I will feel better, the possibility that it is blood is what is driving me insane at this point.

[lola099]

I am breathing and trying to find my logic. Tonight my husband is home, I neve realized how he anchors my OCD. I'll be very happy to have him home :)

[JGF25]

You have to go to your logical place and try to get rid of the irrational.  There is no way there is going to be that much blood on the ground especially on a sidewalk.  So deep down inside you do know...just remind yourself that it just cannot be and therefore you have nothing to worry about and there is no possible way your house or clothing is contaminated.  Keep breathing Lola!  Take care.  J

[lola099]

Thank you to you both.

It was the lenth of the sidewalk, almost like a spill. Bigger than a dinner plate. I'd say prob 2 ft long, the first thought I had was nose bleed. But now that I am not in panic mode, I am thinking that it could have been a spill of sorts... I guess I will never know. It covered about one square of the sidewalk in width and length.

My mind is going to what if it was on the bottom of my shoe, then it touched my pants while I sat ankles crossed at my desk, then when I got home and undressed my hand touched the blood on my pants and now there is blood on my floor and the faucet in my bathub.. and well you get the point. And I am sure can all relate,

[RainLover71]

Hey there lola--doesn't really matter if it was blood because it's not going to get in your blood stream from the pavement.It will pass,don't worry.

[JGF25]

Hi Lola...think about the spot...define "big red splash" to me.  Was it the size of a dinner plate, a salad plate, smaller?  When people bleed even when it is a large enough cut to actually drip...you will see drips...not a big red splash.  Now maybe I am completely misinterpreting your idea of big.  But you know that this is all stress related.  You had been doing so well.  Do the controlled breathing, pull up a meditation video on Youtube and use that, get a book out and start reading and DO NOT let your mind wander.  If you start to wander, then say "STOP."  You know what to do...you may not feel like it is working right now but you have to keep doing it until it does.  Don't let your mind control you but KNOW that you have the control.