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can anyone help
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can anyone help

My husband was diagnosed with OCPD,the P stands for personality,has been very difficult for me to find anyone who I can chat with about living with this condition.
Is there anyone out there who either understands the condition or is living with a partner who suffers.
Would love to chat.
10 Comments Post a Comment
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1699033_tn?1405352675
I was hoping someone would answer but they didn't and I didn't want you to think I forgot about the post.

I take it you are having to live with his preoccupation with rules, orderliness, etc and that you are having a hard time with that?  It isn't unlike OCD I think in a lot of aspects other than OCPD people may tend to be unyielding.  

Anyway, I'm hear to listen if you care to share.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks for your response,have tried talking to family and friends but,they simply don,t understand.
I have just had an eye opp.this is why I find,t respond to you sooner.
Are you living with ocd?
Yes at times I find it very hard to live with but not so much the keeping things tidy,I have. More of a problem with what is good for the goose Isn,t good for the ganderI see it as control.
An example,I am fround upon for using certain knifes in the kitchen,sitting in certain seats in the living room,in short,he frounds a lot,lol.
He seems a very  hard man emotionallywith his children and me but no one else.
So focused on everything he chooses to do,but has blinkers on as to how it all effects me,have explained to him in past but to no avail.leaving me feeling alone.
Oh I. Could go on and on,sorry.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Hi again...Yes, I have OCD but I manage it with CBT and medication.  OCD is all about control.  People with OCD want to have control all the time but what we control or try to control is different for everyone.  

I do have some questions.  You said your husband was diagnosed.  Who did the diagnosing?  A psychologist or psychiatrist?  Also, what is happening as far as learning to let these things go?  Is he in therapy?  Taking medication?  Nothing?  

What happens when you use the wrong knife or sit on the wrong seat?  What does he say?  You see, you are his immediate family and he feels like he can control his home situation and so that is where he does it the most.  Outside people, he knows he has no control over but that doesn't mean it isn't driving him crazy internally. Does he tell guests not to sit in certain places?  I'm thinking not but maybe I'm wrong.  

As for the family and friends understanding...not going to happen unless you have OCD.  It is even hard for you to understand and I'm sure you try to be supportive but honestly I'm sure it gets old after a while which is why he should be getting some sort of help.  Not just for him but for your family in general so I really hope that he is.  

My husband does not understand my OCD but he is supportive of me.  But I also recognize I have a problem that needs to be dealt with.  I am just wondering if your husband realizes that he is the one that has to find a way to change his behavior.  It sounds as if you are doing all the compromising right now and that doesn't work for the long haul.  
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1699033_tn?1405352675
I just went on Amazon to get a look at the book Brain Lock.  When I clicked on Table of Contents and scrolled down there was a section on What's OCD and What isn't and it describes the differences  between OCD and OCPD.  It makes it sound that OCPD is not as dibilitating as OCD but what it doesn't say is that it is far more debilitating to the people who live with a person with OCPD than it is to the people who live with a person with OCD.  You may want to check it out.  It sounds as if you are going to have to really get your husband to somehow recognize he needs to change and that can only happen with a professional I think.  Maybe couples therapy would work for this.  Anyway, just a thought...don't want you to feel alone :)  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi,he was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and put on medication,and went. for cbt for approximately a year,he was easier to live with whilst on medication.I use to go to the therapy sessions with him but when he realised I got upset sometimes with what he said during session he didn,t want me to go with anymore.
He made it his hobby to know as much as the therapist,all his time was spent reading about ocpd.
After a year he dicided to ween himself off the meds as long term they were bad for the liver.
In answer to your other question,anyone can sit anywhere,except me.
As for the knives,it,s a whole set I have been told not to use,and haven,t,not because of any other reason than I can,t be bothered with another argument over a stupid thing.I am getting tiered of having to be strong with him and stand my ground.Whatever I say has to be correct,he. Is very unforgiving.
The family are all living in there own places now his mother has ocd and one of the sons is the same as his dad but is more accepting of his condition,what a family lol.
Oh nearly forgot,he just tells me to get out of the chair if I sit in it,even if he. Isn,t going to use it,I carry on using it as and when though.
Thanks for the book title,will deffo have a look.
One time I even went to Mind,the mental health place for help but,it was a lost cause really.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Hi there...again with the questions...sorry...what medication did he take?  And I assume when he decided to ween himself off was the same time he stopped therapy?   I'm wondering what it was that long-term it would be toxic for the liver.  And I'm not surprised that he decided to become an expert in OCPD so that he could tell the doctor what to do.  

It must just be so totally exhausing for you.  You are a stronger person than I am because honestly those knives would be in the trash because if I can't use them then I have no use for them being around and anything I was told not to sit on would be out by the curb.  I know though that you are just trying to keep as much peace as possible but I believe your own mental health is suffering.  When you say you went to the Mind Mental Health Clinic...I see that that is a charity.  Do you think because it is a charity that you didn't get the best help?  Maybe a private psychologist would be of more help to you.  I mean really, if he isn't going to go, then you should because this is having such a negative impact on your life and who can blame you.  

Your husband has to realize that he needs to get back on track and get help and perhaps try a different medication because in the end, you may just decide to walk out the door and never come back and I'm sure that isn't what he wants.  

Trust me, if I wasn't able to recognize my own need for help, my husband would have said "see ya" a long time ago.  And I'm not saying this is what you should do but I think that you need to work on you right now because your husband has to make himself better...you cannot do that for him.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi,I did actually reply to your last post but haven,t a clue where it went.
Have had a look to see if I can find the old meds.but can,t,it was years ago so have been thrown away,all I know about them is only the psychiatrist could give them out,couldn,t get them from the G.P.The first week or two they made him heady but was much calmer the whole time he was on them,think they were very strong.From what I can remember it was shortly after the CBT stopped that he weened himself off over months.
I won,t argue about the knives,it's not worth it and the chair has found itself upside down when I lost it about 2months ago,lol.He said nothing at the time and was suppirsed at what I did but had a slight smile on his face at the time,I was fumming.
I didn't realise Mind was a charity,it was my G.P that sent me there,I had hoped they could help me understand the condition more so I myself cope cope better as it was a terrible time for me,and yes it has effected my health in more ways than one,any long term thing would I suppose but,my sence of humor is still in tact thank god and the fact that I have been strong throughout but am older now and seem not to cope so well at times.
As for him getting back on track,it won't happen, through his eyes everything seems to be my fault and he is Mr. Perfect,my mistake was I didn't realise his first name was Always,I stay out of his way most of the time and let him get on with it now,I know this is not the way to be but have tried talking to him in the past about getting treatment again but no,so now I have stopped trying to reason with him/council him myself,an impossible task.This is my way of giving myself time out,I have thought alot about leaving for my own good but even that is complicated as we now live in foreign lands,lol,I never do anything by half.
I looked at the book thanks,everything it said is quite right although short.
Did I mention his mother has OCD and the son is a clone of his dad,but,he has learnt from his dad by listening and watching and sought treatment when he was 25,has a greater understanding of himself and isn,t afraid to talk about it but of course my husband won,t talk about OCPD,when they get together it can be great and terrible,now the son won't visit us because of arguments the last time he came.They both hold onto grudges,what a family.lol.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Well I for one love the fact that you turned the chair upside down!  I'm glad you have not lost your sense of humor!  I hear you...at this point you are just trying to exist in a household with a man that is pretty hard to live with and I'm sure communication is even difficult on any subject.  

In trying to think what I would do in your case, since you are not packing your bags, I think I would  find as many things as I can to do outside of the house.  I don't know where you are living now but I'd find a coffee shop and read a book, go to the movies, walk around the mall, anything that got me out of the house that was enjoyable for me to do.  If you don't have many friends where you are living, maybe join a gym or something like that where you can meet other women that you can do things with.  

As for the OCD running in families...yes that is so true.  There is an on-going study at Hopkins right now where they have found a genetic link not to mention two of my three sisters have the same problem as me only it manifests in different ways.  We sit around sometimes and say outloud some of the irrational thoughts we have had and we just laugh.  

I really wish your husband would go back on the meds.  Yes they have to come from a psychiatrist in most cases...mine is actually coming from my GP as I've been down the psychiatry route before and learned CBT and know exactly what I need at this point.  Medication just makes everything so much better because it is a chemical imbalance we are dealing with and not unlike diabetes really...you need to take insulin when you have diabetes and we need to take medication to increase the amount of serotonin in our brains.  Until he realizes the toll it is taking on others, or maybe I should say until he "cares" about the toll his disorder is taking on others, I think you are right and he isn't going to do anything.  

In any case, you can always PM me if you have had it up to your ears and just want to vent.  :)  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi,I do all of what you say re.going. out,as I type am in yet another coffee bar,problem is,I am not the sort of person who relishes spending my time on my own yet do.Went out at 10.30am and now is 5.50pm how sad is that but do try to arrange things to suit me sort of speak.
How do I pm you?can,t see the facility.You might be sorry,lol.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
If you put the cursor on my JGF25 above, you will see a button for "message" and you can leave a private message there.  Don't worry about bother me...I answer posts when I have time.  This is all strictly volunteer work.  
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