last august i had sexual contact with a girl only oral contact which was me going down on her. it is the only time i cheated on my girlfriend of a few years. 5 months later I had burning when urinating and other symptoms sore etc. I went to the Gum clinic in which I believe i was tested for everything (definitely Chlyamidia, Ghonnerea, HIV, Sphyillis and hepititis and a few others in which I do not know of the top of my head. I was negative for everything which was a relief I was dealing with a lot of stress which got me down and made me ill. Now after the results i felt great for a few months until late may in which i had slight pain in left side of my testicles and pain at tip of penis. now it has been off and on but the worry for me is the white tongue with two white sores and a few really small red spots and a little bit of discharge which is yellow... the worst thing for me is the internet which is driving me insane with different views of how long the stds can not be found in the system.. I am scared of terminal illness and obviously having something wrong with me. I have the full support of my parents who know about my problems and I have been to the hospital, doctors and call in clinic maybe 4 or 5 times a week because of the paranoia and symptoms... mentally its killing me inside and I need someone to direct me towards positive thinking and a believe that I haven't got HIV because its upsetting me. doctors have not told me what it could be other than an std because mainly I have been going to a gum clinic but could it be thrush or a yeast infection because of antibiotics i have taken (Doxycycline, Ciprofloxacin, Naproxcen and a few others) in the last two months for different symptoms and im mentally broken down.
Any replies will be great and thank you in advance
First let me say that the amount of stress and anxiety you have put on yourself over this situation has no doubt weakened your immune system. When this happens we are open to all sorts of regular illnesses. You could have thrush from the antibiotics or you could have it from the weakened immune system.
You need to see a psychologist so that you can learn to deal with these thoughts. You have the support of your parents and so ask them to schedule this appointment for you. It is a scary world out there and you are not alone in being afraid of getting some sort of STI but you obviously are taking it much further than normal mentally and so you need to get some outside help.
Hello and thank you for your detailed response. I have a very detailed imagination which runs wild all the time and sometimes it just runs to far that bad thoughts and possibilities feel like reality. Recently my Grandad was diagnosed with Stomach cancer and that has hurt me dearly as he is everything to me. Doctors have said he has an infection in his blood that they have not found out yet.. I have used his guest toothbrush before and have been scared of having an std mainly a fear of HIV... the mind just runs away with thoughts which are silly because i know my tests were negative 5 months after possible exposure.
I have had a positive day today and the pain at the tip of the penis has died down considerably its just a bit of pain which is radiating from my gums and tip of the tongue.
I will look into going to a psychologist for help soon because I am currently getting ready to go back to university and I would hate for my thought patterns to deteriorate my concentration levels for my final year.
I like the way you put it..."detailed imagination" I never really thought about it that way but I guess it is true. We "imagine" something and then we catastrophize it. I'm sorry about your Grandad...no doubt this has not helped your thinking process at all. The infection that your grandfather has is not going to be HIV or any other STI for that matter. You using the guest toothbrush will not give you any disease. I often tell people that I think OCD should be renamed OMG for all of those Oh My God moments of irrational thoughts we have and also for Obsessive Mind Game because honestly that is what we are doing to ourselves...we are allowing our own mind to play tricks on us. That is where we need to gain the control back.
If you cannot get to a psychologist, then I'm sure there are counselors at your university that you can see. Also please try to pick up the following book...The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Read it...do the worksheets...take control of your life again. Prayers for your grandfather and for you and your family.
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