hello ..

[iamcarrie1995]

I've been very bad about freaking out about sperm being everywhere, its hard to use toilet paper and towels, even my underwear, I'll look at it so much to make sure nothing is in them. Basically anything that touches my vagina i freak out with thoughts what if there wad sperm on that even when i checked it. They won't go away. Earlier i showered, didn't want to use the towel so i got a shirt to wipe, when i wiped i saw brown stuff maybe like a dot but very light. My first thought was " oh its probably just poop, after all i did poop " then the 2nd came ... Sperm ! Ugh i hate these thoughts. I wanna get help but I'm scared. Any advice ?

And by scared i mean

I'm afraid they will think I'm just crazy, or i don't have a problem just think to much go home. And a therapist.

Any advice pls.

[57Carol]

So, it's Thursday. How did it go?

[iamcarrie1995]

Want*

[iamcarrie1995]

Thank you both so much, i am going Thursday .. i just wasn't my old self back :/ ...

[JGF25]

Listen...they can't fix what they don't know is broken so tell them everything.  They are not there to judge.  They are there to listen and to help and they are not going to tell you you are in the wrong place.  Listen to Carol...she knows what she is talking about.  

[iamcarrie1995]

I just hope now that when i go, the doctor wont be like, ugh your in the wrong place ....

[57Carol]

Don't second guess yourself. It is natural to feel anxious if you haven't seen a mental health professional before. It sounds as though you are living in agony, so what have you got to lose? You will gradually learn to challenge these false beliefs and reclaim your life and your freedom. I have seen it happen many, many times.

[iamcarrie1995]

I made an appt for Thursday, but i didn't know what move to make, I've never been in this situation before ... Now i feel like a made the wrong move :/

[JGF25]

If you don't need a referral, then I would suggest finding a good psychologist in your area that is good with OCD and teaches cognitive behavioral therapy.  

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

[iamcarrie1995]

Yes, its become a strong pain. I even have  hiv fears :/ ..  Do i make an appt  with a doctor first ? Then i go from there .. ?

[JGF25]

Then you need the help of a psychologist.  I can only give you some strategies on here but the psychologist will work with you on a weekly basis and with that help  you will become better and realize what OCD is and how our own mind plays tricks on us.  How we are able to take a thought and bring life to it where there is no basis in reason.  Your are not really living right now so please seek some help.  

[iamcarrie1995]

Like now, getting out of the shower, its so hard to use a towel, put my underwear on, then i put a panty liner on to feel a piece of mind, then i check that, throw it away because i forgot to wash my hands ... They are ongoing. Even using my soap in the shower ... I do keep them thoughts alive but its so hard to avoid them. I tried saying no in my head but i can't help but check again ...

[JGF25]

hi there....nobody is going to turn you away and say "you are crazy."  These thoughts are very real to the person experiencing them and any psychologist will recognize the problem right away.  So please, if you have the means, you should see a psychologist.  I promise you that you cannot tell them anything that they have not already heard before.  There is no shocking a psychologist!  

Also, think about all the women out there who use public rest rooms, etc.  We aren't getting pregnant.  You have to realize this is an irrational thought and you are not equipped to deal with it.  Stop the checking.  Say in your head "NO, I AM NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE, ENOUGH" and move on to something else.  The more you give into the thought the longer it is going to stay around.