hocd- help! what is the best way to fight this??

[scaredtodeath17]

im seventeen years old and have suffered from this horror for about five monthes now. the fact is i know i cant be gay , that gay feelings dont just pop up out of the blue when you are seventeen but the thoughts in my head drive me crazy. some days think it would be better just to die. i have never been in a sexual relationship as my religion prohibits premarital relationships, teenage relationships are very frowned upon. but i have always like boys and never had any gay thoughts preceding this. it came to the point where i was afraid to turn on the tv because maybe there would be a woman on it and maybe i would have a thought. i used to be afraid i was attracted to my mother and sisters, obese teacher! even my brothers just because i developed so many checking compulsions in my head towards the opposite sex,. its al\ost as if my mind is trying to convince me i have every attraction besides the one i want , the one i have always dreamed of. to get married to the perfect guy and start a family. the more i began to realize that these thoughts were rediculous they just began to change into things that seemed more possible, what if i was attracted to my best friend? and then i remind myself that if i wasnt five monthes ago and that if this isnt even how this obsession started than obviously im not. but that only reassures me for the next five minutes, one day i broke down crying and asked my mother why i didnt like to play with dolls when i was younger, i look at everything i do to see if it shows any signs of being gay. the fact is i cant walk out of the house without makeup, i always look in the mirror and care about my appearance. nothing adds up to the conclusion that im gay but when im in the height of obsession eveything seems so real. when these horrible sexual images pop into my head i worry what if i would enjoy it, what if this is real, what if my life is over, then i think that since my religion does not see homosexuality as an option their is no way that G-d would give this to me as an uncureable thing anyway. that even if i have gay desires i dont have to give in. im seeing a phyciatrist and i am currently on prozac for about three weeks, but have just been raised to the full dose two days ago. but im scared because i dont feel like its helping, what if it doesnt work? what if im stuck like this? does anyone know of a better drug or treatment option. im hanging on with my last ounce of emotional strength but i really cant handel it anymore. any advice would be greatly appieciated.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes well sometimes people obsess about what is the thing they would be the most afraid of happenning. That's not uncommon. And if due to religious upbringing it would be forbidden for people of the same sex to have relations then that would be one for you. I do know that as a person recovered from schizoaffective disorder that the psychotic thoughts I had before recovery were always unwarranted, disturbing and intrusive. I thought I had ocd at first as well but the obsessive thoughts were actually masking psychotic thoughts when I got the correct diagnosis. But schizoaffective or schizophrenia requires a lot of other criteria for abnormal thinking. I don't see that in what you are describing. But with ocd generally the obsessions are about things people fear or are disturbed of so that's part of what's going on. But it will be treatable and what isn't can be dealt with, with behavioral psychology. The first step is to say the thoughts aren't true and they aren't what you really believe. Seperate yourself from them. Medication should make this easier but if it doesn't eliminate them that's where behavioral therapy works and that's one key strategy used in it.

[scaredtodeath17]

i should add that i have previously had other obbsessions previously. one major one with weight where i would weigh myself a number of times a day and try to pinh my stomach to make sure i wasnt fat. the reassuring thing about that to me is the pattern here seems similar just somehow this episode scares me so much more. i also obsess about other things such as my hair falling out.

[ILADVOCATE]

Think about if the thoughts are completely unwanted and you have always been attracted to the opposite sex and still are. Or if both feelings are there and the other is something you never realized. Or if they are just feelings you are unable to accept. Sexual orientation according to the American Psychiatric Association is not a mental illness. It is however, from what they are finding probably genetic, whether heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Its complex whatever a person's seuxal preference is and its best they come to terms with it but if it makes them feel uncomfortable they can talk it over with their therapist. However, if someone has these thoughts and they know they are not part of their sexual background and just part of obsessive thoughts in general then that would be part of ocd. But no thought makes you a bad person and any thought even if part of your sexual preference, if it makes you uncomfortable, know you will never have to act on it. Thoughts are just thoughts. Obsessive thoughts in general are part of the overall pattern of ocd however and are what the Prozac is there to treat.