If you didn't get sexually aroused by your friend and you were or still are in a relationship with a girl, you're probably just straight with HOCD. My HOCD is the other way around. Deep in my heart I know I'm Bi but my brain attempts to convince me that I'm not.
Believe me I had all that bsck then just stoo checking and testing yourself I had the curiosity thing and Just did it feel like when I did it with a man ? Actually no it wasnt my desire it was just plain curiosity (: xx also in that age i think its called Become or not Age so the thought that you forgot about it ment it never was something more than learning new stuff And yeah our hocd syptoms are a lot like distract yourself please PLEASE as much as you can even if an intrusive thought jumps in reply as idk and let the panicing go away also id like to say there is a inative place in our brains or not completely inactive it may be weakly active in case we had ocd which obsessive compulsive disorder it becomes extremely active and explains everything against what it really is and based on what you ar feared of please talk to a therapist befor it gets worse
Okay...sorry for the delay. This is a volunteer site and I couldn't get on last night. Anyway, this is how I look at the whole gay/straight situation. I think it is genetic. I think you are born gay or you are not. I don't believe that we wake up one day and are gay. I think that people that are truly gay know it and yes perhaps they might try the straight life for a while I think deep down they know it isn't for them. This isn't something we control.
OCD is all about control. We think the thought and we want to get rid of it so we test and we test and what this really does is keep us in the OCD loop. What we need to do really is to say "whatever, move on." The more we give into the thought the more it is going to plague us like a bad dream.
There are some people that do take the next step and try to get closure by experimenting. Some go as far as having sex just to see. I'm not sure how far you went beyond kissing but the bottom line is you didn't like it. You don't see yourself with a man for the rest of your life. If you said out loud right now, "I'm Gay" would you feel liberated and want to run out and be with a man? If not, then how on earth could you be gay?
So if this is indeed the case and you feel that men are not for you then yes you do have HOCD and the best way to get help for it is to see a psychologist. Our minds are very, very powerful. I just posted to someone about this....we talk to ourselves, we say black and our mind says white. We say straight and our mind says gay. It is a mind game we play on ourselves. And you would think it would be easy to stop but the reality is that without the proper tools it is hard to stop this line of thinking. YOu need to learn cognitive behavioral therapy from a psychologist. That is step one. After that you can decide with your psychologist if medication is warranted.
And just so you know. I had this thought before. It didn't last long because I was on the OCD superhighway of irrational thinking and was going from thought to thought AND at the time I had it I was married!
Go to the psychologist. Talk about all of this and let them help you sort through it. I think you will find the answers you are looking for without experimenting which if you are not gay could open up a whole new can of worms.
Take care.
And sometimes I have like this weird urge to give oral. But it goes away. And then comes back. And I tell myself but I want it. But in the end I really don't and whenever think of anything like that. Once I masturbate all the urges are gone. it disgusts me. So Idk if I'm just hormonal or if its just natural and it happens to everyone at some point. But I can picture myself in a relationship with a man and I don't want to be. I want tomarry a woman.
What do you think of my situation ?
I have already, but if i could see comments from other people and have them voice their opinion as well that would be great! and if you could reply as soon as possible that would also be fantastic. Thank you!
Im only 18 years old and I feel like this is maybe just a sexual identity crisis. someone please help
Also I've never had feelings for a guy and I don't get that butterfly feeling in my stomach and etc or have the emotional draw and attraction that I was reading about and saw videos on. Idk if this is also just a hormonal stage or a phase. It's just affected my life as a whole. and I need help. I tried therapy. But I didn't go often enough so it didn't help. and sometimes i use the word cute instead of handsome, hot rarely. but idk if that changes anything. thank you