im almost sure i have ocd.

Im an 18 year old male, and ive had a mental problem since i was a little kid. ive never talked to anyone about my problem though because i feel that it would be too akward to talk about. Ive never had help for this problem nor even talked to an expert about it. I believe that i have ocd. I can no longer enjoy things in life. I cant even leave my house without returning several times to check and make sure everything is turned off. Even when i know that something has been turned off, it still worries me that it isnt turned off. Then theres the germ thing, if i touch anything that has a red stain on it, or touch anywhere near it, i stress out about it and i have to wash my hands because i cant help but think that the stain is blood. and that i could catch something from it if i dont wash my hands. Im constantly looking at my hands to make sure there is nothing on them. Im afraid to touch door handles because im afraid i will get something on my hands. I often have a fear of shaking other peoples hands as well. I also have problems in conversations , when i tell someone something i feel that it must be exactly right and word for word, and i feel like if its not word for word, then im lying and something terrible could happen because of it, its like a voice in my head telling me different than what i already know.  it even tells me im lying when i know im telling the truth and i have to repeat myself several times until i feel that it is just right. I also feel like i have to sacrifice everything i enjoy doing to keep my loved ones safe and i feel like if i dont sacrifice the things i enjoy, something bad could happen and it would be my fault. i constantly pray for the safety of my loved ones and other people to ensure their safety and its not just one prayer and then stopping, its constant prayer. I avoid unlucky numbers because i feel like something bad could happen to someone if i dont avoid them.  i believe some people have noticed my actions and think that my actions are weird, but at the same time, i dont think they have a clue why im like this. I have unwanted thoughts of not caring about loved ones, thoughts of not caring about what happens to them. Like i would not be bothered if something bad happened to someone.  i have such dull emotions and im so coldhearted sometimes that it suprises me because i know i care a great deal about my loved ones and id never want anything bad to happen to them or anyone else for that matter. Its like im 2 different people in one. I know who the real me is, but this problem wont let me be who i really am. I often have times where im very careless of what i do, its like i get angry. I feel like the world is against me and that everyone is an enemy. i feel like im not important at all, and that i have nothing to lose at times.  often times in a group i will feel left out. there could 10 people in a crowd and if im talking with them , i get the sense that they do not want me around and that they are talking about me. I have had thoughts of suicide for years. It wouldnt be so bad if a coldhearted person was who i really am. But its a struggle in life trying to be good, and wanting to good, and wanting to feel emotion but half the time not being able to. I have unwanted thoughts pacing through my head most of the time, whether it be about germs, lying, or worrying about something bad happening. Most of the time its all three.  Every now and then i will be satisfied and not stress out. But that doesnt last long before the unwanted thoughts come back again. Do you think i have ocd?

[genix]

you ao hAVE OCD and a damn good case of it, get to a doctor and tell all **** just print that out and give it to him/her you cant keep living like that dude that ******* cruel OCD causes anxiety and depression wichi can lead to substance abuse suicide etc.
Go to the doctor,  i use luvox it works well, but you may need something stronger in any case you cant go on like that. Forget whatever it is you have to do and make an appointment man.

Shaun

[anxiouslauz]

Hi there!

Yes I agree you definitely have OCD and from what you describe I experienced very similar things as a child too.  This will probably be with you all your life.  But the good news is... you CAN make it bearable and a lot better than it is now!!  Like genix said, go to the doctor straight away and tell them all of those things.  Don't be embarrassed, they see it all the time!  When I first went to my doctor about it, I actually cried the whole time (no idea why).  The doctor may talk to you about taking SSRI's, serotonin reuptake inhibitors because OCD is all to do with not having enough serotonin in our blood (that's the chemical which makes you happy and chilled out about life) so that's why it's all linked to depression.  I'm on them and they really do help!!  The doctor may also recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which is all about training yourself into a better way of thinking and getting rid of those unwanted thoughts and feelings of guilt.  I haven't tried that but I'm guessing that would be good too!

Good luck and remember- you're not a cold and horrible person, you are just someone with a little brain defect.  It's purely biological and nothing to do with your soul!