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Avatar universal

is this hocd or am i am just gay?

Hello to all, i've posted once on this forum. Basically im a 20 yrs old man who used to qualify himself as a straight man. When i was around 16, i started to enjoy anal sex on myself and started to consider myself as a bi curious, since i never had emotionnal feelings towards men...

as i got older i started to wonder what it would be like to have sex with a man, and so at 19 i did it, and I did not enjoy it as much as i thought i would...after this sexual relationship i thought it was clear that it wasn't really for me, and then a couple of weeks later i wanted to try again, but never had an occasion since then... Unfortunately, as some may know, i started to be extremely worried that i might have catch hiv from this exposure 5 months after because of symptoms that matched what i had. I'm only starting to really move on after two negative test at 6 and 8 months.

However, it seems like i'm getting worried about my sexual orientation...I now  have this bad habit of. Testing myself by watching gay porn and watching lesbian porn to see which one attracts me the most, but  it used to be clear in my mind that i liked women sexually and emotionnaly, and the only thing i like about men was their penis (sorry for the direct words)... I dont see myself dating a guy or even kissing one, it actually does not arouse me, the thing that arouse me is their genitals...

I dont know where im at and would appreciate any help
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Avatar universal
Ok yeah i guess you are right....for at least 3 yrs now ive been hoping to find a girl and be as happy as i could, but the fact that im very shy just blocks me from talking/approching them.... I am althought more comfortable around guys but I dont have the natural reflex of thinking that id like to have sex with a particular man.... It seems like i dont look out so much for men but i do for women, just cant find one. Maybe im just waiting for the perfect moment even if i know this is just a stupid thing to do.
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Avatar universal
Every gay man I know is very obviously attracted to and has developed feelings for another man. It is safe to say you are not 100% gay if you are attracted to, want relationships with women.  Sounds like you are bi-curious and exploring it. Good for you! Practice safe sex, be honest with your partners about what you are looking for from them, and be open to where it goes. If you get too caught up in the label you may miss out on a really amazing relationship with a wonderful person because you were too focused on what box to put yourself in. You're fine just as you are.
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Avatar universal
These are some interesteing thoughts, i appreciate the time you took to answer me. However, it seems like I just can't draw the line of where I find myself. For instance, the day I wrote my message, i was arouaed a lot by the thought of having sex with a man, but today and yesterday it seems like i'm more aroused by the thoughts of having sex with women... i mean, if I cannot be emotionnaly attracted to a man, does it means I can't be gay? Or even bisexual? Am i just bi curious? Sometimes i think that the thought of having sex with a man is very arousing but then i remember the time i really tried it and i wonder if it will be as boring the next time i'll try it. (If i  decide to do it again lol)
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Avatar universal
How about we start with the fact that no one 'turns gay'. This is not a thing. Some people know but deny their sexuality, but no straight person slowly becomes gay.

That being said, sexuality for many people is not black and white. Lots of things qualify as normal. Some people are 100% heterosexual - totally normal. Some people are 100% homosexual - totally normal. Some people are bisexual, maybe they are slightly more drawn to one gender, maybe they just fall in love with the person and not necessarily a specific gender - totally normal. Some people are bicurious, maybe they are more sexually attracted to one gender but more emotionally attracted to another. Some heterosexual men really love anal stimulation, but have no desire to be in a relationship with a man. There are women out there who will gladly wear a strap-on to fulfill their partners needs. All of this is normal sexuality. You are whatever you are. Don't over think it. As long as what you enjoy is safe and with another consenting adult, why ruin the awesomeness of sex by trying to put a label on it?

I would suggest focusing on managing your OLD and finding a person you click with. There are lots of people out there who are sexually adventurous and open. Focus on finding someone like that who is loving,  supportive, and respectful of you and I'm sure the label will matter less and less.
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Avatar universal
No but what do you think of this?, could i have been gay all along without really knowing it or am i turning gay? Or is it all in my head?
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1699033 tn?1514113133
Did you ever see a psychologist or psychiatrist?
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Avatar universal
I should also add that these time it feels like im more sexually aroused by gay thought that by straight ones...i'm afraid my emotionnal and sexual desire for women is going to fade away and be replace by complete homosexuality. I don't mind being bicurious but losing my desire towards women would be very hard for me. Please tell me what the hell is going on cause I clearly can't tell by myself.

Thank you so much.
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