not sure if this is hocd, help

[chips567]

okay so i have just turned 16, and am going through some trouble, ever since i was younger i have liked women emotionally and sexually, but more emotionally. but since 4 months ago i have been having gay thoughts, every guy i see who looks better than me i get sexual thoughts about, like me doing it with him, or him giving me oral, i dont like having the thoughts, but mind mind keeps saying i do. for the past 3 months i have hated the thoughts but now, im not sure if i really hate them or like them. since i was 13 i have liked looking at shirtless men and wonder what they look like doing it with a girl never me, before this started i was like this to. i have gotten erect to the thoughts of guys doing it with a girl, but ever since i have been having gay thoughts i constantly test my reactions because i have gotten erect to the gay thought and i keep forcing myself to masturbate to the thought to see if i ejaculate and i have, which freaks me out, but now im not sure if it freaks me out. i wil say i have never really felt the same about girls as most ppl when ever some guy said oh i want to f her real hard, i never felt the same, but i always masturbated to the thougfhts of women, and ussually get erect ton the thoughts of women. i have never been overly obsessed with a womens body, but i do like male bodies not ussually sexually, its always admiration but lately i have been having thoughts of a guy kissing me and me having a husband and i dont want the thoughts, i was sure i and hocd until now, unless hocd has won and its going to my head, masturbating to gay thoughts doesnt feel right most of the time but what freaks me out the most is that i have gotten hard to the thought, and how i like guys bodies,and i keep imagining guys naked, even ppl at school. i have a constant fear im going to act out on the thoughts i dont even no my orientation anymore, i dont want the thoughts and i am pretty sure i dont want to be gay, i feel more asexual than straight or gay. can i just become gay after knowing i was straight all these years or is it just hocd going to my head. i always thought how nice it would be to have a wife and kids but since i keep having thoughts of a husband im not sure what i like anymore, i dont feel gay, and i get hard to women thoughts most of the time not men, and when ever i see a sex scene in a movie i imagine the guy naked and what he looks like screwing the girl. if i were to come out as gay right this minute i wouldnt go and run off with a guy. i dont know if it my heart saying im gay or my mind, i keep having gay thoughts and keep saying to myself dont get hard, dont get hard and then i do, and then i get mad and depressed, please help, i really dont want to hear oh ur gay and u know it , or im sorry to say this but ur gay. i keep imagining guys naked in school, and now its getting annoying.
and i keep looking at things on line like pics of naked men and women to see if i get aroused, and i keep looking up hocd, and what makes ppl gay, or what age do ppl come out, or what r the syptoms of hocd, and i keep taking those dumb are u gay tests, i have been researching this stuff for many hours of the day, its consuming me and my time.

[57Carol]

The more you try to push away these thoughts, the more that you train your brain to remember and focus on them. You are training your brain to recognize these thoughts as very important and therefore they spring back bigger and louder.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/201007/why-thought-stopping-doesn-t-work

http://ocdintensive.com/2011/11/02/i-have-pure-o-pure-obsessional-ocd-can-erp-help-me/

[chips567]

okay, i will let them no, i dont want the thought i just want my straight ones back, but do i seem gay to you. i keep asking my parents the same thing they said if i was i wouldnt keep asking them, and i wouldnt keep obssesing over it

[57Carol]

Ok, have you read the other articles? This is most common for young men. See how you are doing what the guys in the stories are doing? You keep checking yourself, and by doing that, you are reinforcing your OCD. Hopefully your parents can find you a therapist that specializes in OCD, as an ordinary therapist would not be helpful, and perhaps even damaging. Have them look at this site.

http://ocfoundation.org/listProviders.aspx

[chips567]

my parents dont think im gay

[chips567]

i feel like im gaining an attraction to guys, and i dont want to. my interest in girls is fading away and i keep forcing my self to masturbate to gay thoughts, im not sure if i do or dont like them anymore.  my parents do think im gay because i have never showed any signs, im loosing hope in my sexual orientation. my parents are looking into finding a thereapist. im worried he would tell me to accept the thoughts because if i do i will become gay, and i keep getting unwanted erections to gay thoughts. i feel like if i get hard to the thoughts im gay, and every guy in school i have been looking at sexually, i dont like my looks, but i like other guys looks.does this make me gay. what if im mistaking admiration for sexual attraction y else would i have sexual thoughts about them.what if my biggest fear is what i really am

[chips567]

sorry i didnt mean any offense

[57Carol]

So that is an obsession. And a common one. Didn't you follow how the 16year old was treated? And by the way, that sounds rather unkind asking how it was supposed to help when we are volunteering our time to give you resources. Here are more articles on the same topic. The idea is that you quit fighting the thoughts and they will release their power over you. Now as  mother, I am advising you that the proper response to this should be "thank you." (smile)

http://www.neuroticplanet.com/hocd.php

http://www.steveseay.com/hocd-homosexual-ocd-sexual-orientation/

http://www.anxiety-ocd.info/2008/11/sexual-obsessions-am-i-gay/

http://ocdintensive.com/2011/10/17/fear-of-being-gaylesbian/

[chips567]

how was that artical supossed to help, still stuck on weather im gay or  not

[JGF25]

Another great article!  :)

[57Carol]

Read this article, and I have many more on the topic, but this one is directed to teens. Dr. Fred Penzel is one of the top 3 names in OCD treatment.

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=55%3Athe-boy-who-didnt-know-who-he-was-teen-obsessions-about-homosexuality&catid=0%3A&Itemid=6