Aa
ocd + fear of hiv equals a big mess!
Hi,
I have always had some form of ocd and anxiety disorder. Well about 5 months ago I had unprotected sex and well that was it. My ocd kicked in showing its ugly face. I have tested so many times for hiv over the last five months I have lost count. And I tested with all sorts of hiv tests. Because one maybe wrong. I even pay $280 for an RNA hiv test. Then I still wasn't satisfied so o had the guy I had sex with take an oraquick infront of me. His test was negative at four months. But yet I still believe I have hiv. Over the last five months I developed a form of neuropathy in my thighs and arms. Well as soon I googled neuropathy guess what popped up.... Hiv.... I swear I cry every night. Can't focus at all. I am completely obsessed with googling hiv. I have probably called the CDC so many times they know me by my first name. I have no one I can talk to about this other than my therapist. And she's not very helpful. I live in fear everyday waiting until I can take another hiv test. After I take an hiv test I feel great for about an hour and then the fear kicks back in. I'm really going crazy. I doubt that three months is reliable and try to prove it wrong. It's like I have a consent battle in my own head. I hate this and want it to end. Now I keep telling myself in 24 days I will be at my six month mark and then my test will be conclusive . But then I get real with myself and know I'm still going to doubt it. If any of u have every walked this path please share how you made it through it and or overcame it.
I have always had some form of ocd and anxiety disorder. Well about 5 months ago I had unprotected sex and well that was it. My ocd kicked in showing its ugly face. I have tested so many times for hiv over the last five months I have lost count. And I tested with all sorts of hiv tests. Because one maybe wrong. I even pay $280 for an RNA hiv test. Then I still wasn't satisfied so o had the guy I had sex with take an oraquick infront of me. His test was negative at four months. But yet I still believe I have hiv. Over the last five months I developed a form of neuropathy in my thighs and arms. Well as soon I googled neuropathy guess what popped up.... Hiv.... I swear I cry every night. Can't focus at all. I am completely obsessed with googling hiv. I have probably called the CDC so many times they know me by my first name. I have no one I can talk to about this other than my therapist. And she's not very helpful. I live in fear everyday waiting until I can take another hiv test. After I take an hiv test I feel great for about an hour and then the fear kicks back in. I'm really going crazy. I doubt that three months is reliable and try to prove it wrong. It's like I have a consent battle in my own head. I hate this and want it to end. Now I keep telling myself in 24 days I will be at my six month mark and then my test will be conclusive . But then I get real with myself and know I'm still going to doubt it. If any of u have every walked this path please share how you made it through it and or overcame it.
You have to as much as its painful, to not give in to the compulsions which in your case is looking up medical information. Also realize when the thoughts come that as real as they may feel, that they are simply just thoughts. Its tough, but the less you feed into your OCD, the less it will bother you long term. So when the anxiety and thoughts come, label it as such that its just your OCD.
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