Aa
ocd has gone off the rocker again
I'm in tears right now....
I seriously can't do this ocd **** any more.
I've been threw it all the STDs,Hiv,Hocd,cancer,thinking I was attracted to kids.
Its like in one day I had a reoccurring event for them all the HIV stuck all I did was shake a gay guys hand and my gf said he's cool and he has HIV. I now fear that I scrathed him and the diease got under my finger nails and with no form of air under my nails and no way to enter my body it will be stuck under there forever and I'll effect people without knowing...yeah its gotten there.
I've never seemed true professional help..i need it. Alot. What steps should I take? I usually get over it but it seems like every year at this time I relapse with something new or something old. Can it be beat?
I seriously can't do this ocd **** any more.
I've been threw it all the STDs,Hiv,Hocd,cancer,thinking I was attracted to kids.
Its like in one day I had a reoccurring event for them all the HIV stuck all I did was shake a gay guys hand and my gf said he's cool and he has HIV. I now fear that I scrathed him and the diease got under my finger nails and with no form of air under my nails and no way to enter my body it will be stuck under there forever and I'll effect people without knowing...yeah its gotten there.
I've never seemed true professional help..i need it. Alot. What steps should I take? I usually get over it but it seems like every year at this time I relapse with something new or something old. Can it be beat?
So I've picked up a new fear..beimg murdered lol ots like my brain picks up everything that's happened in my past and says this person would kill you..for example. About a yr and half ago this girl came threw my work and flashed me and my friends..then later came in with her bf..they still come in my work alot. My fear is what if he finds out and kills me. Like he's a crazy dude. Then that brought up alot of other people that would want to..i can't stop thinking about it..
So I've picked up a new fear..beimg murdered lol ots like my brain picks up everything that's happened in my past and says this person would kill you..for example. About a yr and half ago this girl came threw my work and flashed me and my friends..then later came in with her bf..they still come in my work alot. My fear is what if he finds out and kills me. Like he's a crazy dude. Then that brought up alot of other people that would want to..i can't stop thinking about it..
Just remember that they don't work overnight. It may take 4 to 6 weeks before you see the full benefits so don't throw in the towel too early.
Have an appointment monday my hood is getting bad again. Like yesterday I didn't really have a spike and I was hopeful...today I had some intrusive thoughts and my brain ran with it..it's like my mind try's and accept it but when I think more about anxiety takes over...it's killing my sex life and it ***** cause I know it's OCD but my mind won't accept it. I'm convinced that I like guys when I know that's not what I want. Hopefully the Meds help. Thanks again
Yes the meds will help you let things go...the thought may come but the meds will help you with the "whatever" attitude. Good luck.
It seems to have centered in in hocd. The HIV and std is still there but not as bad..its not really alot of anxiety behind it I mean some just alot of intrusive thoughts is that normal. I'm going to see a Dr to prescribe meds this week. Quick question about that will the meds also cut back the intrusive thoughts?
They are addicting actually but only in the sense that if you were to decide to stop taking it you would have to taper off with your doctors help. I have been on and off and then back on again.
I'm gonna talk to him. I think he just says there addicting and I told him its not like I'm gonna be abusing them. I mean the pill was made for me in the first place
In the end, you are paying them and if you think that medication is something you want to try, then I think they will go along with it. You know yourself better than anyone and it does get exhausting!
So 3 weeks into therapy and most of the odds have calmed down but hocd seems to wanna stay around. Like this morning I wanted to give a girl my number not even 4 hrs later I think I'm gay. Like I've never been with a guy nor had a desire til my mind told me I was last yr..i eventually got over it.. Its back again. My therapist is kinda reluctant to put my on meds. How do I go about telling him I wanna start? I'm just always exhausted from thinking to much..the intrusive thoughts get to me. Things I check I never would have done before. I've been with close to 17-20 girls I don't see why my Mind would think this..
No problem....that is what I'm here for and you telling me I'm making a difference is important to me so thank you for that. And BTW what you wrote above falls under the realm of self-coaching. You may want to also think about getting the book Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani. I self-coach all the time. Definitely let me know how your appointment goes. I want to see you get better, stay better, and have a successful relationship with your beautiful new girlfriend :)
Im gonna start going about it differently..instead of googling everything there is to know about HIV. I will start researching how to beat ocd and steps and stuff cause getting injected by a HIV needle is driving my OCD car right. But I tell myself Im HIV free for the last 24 yrs of my life and I use to not pay attention to everytime I did something and everytime I stepped on something. So what's gonna change for the next 24 yrs. Nothing if you don't purposely inject yourself with a needle and don't have sex with someone who's infected your fine! My mind tells me you can still get it from an abandoned needle and truthfully I've never seen one my whole life..and even if it did somehow get on my clothes or stuck to me(which is the most intrusive thought I have)it will be unable to infect me in a month. Lol I feel like my ocd is a bully..but I do wanna thank you for your words you do an amazing job here. I know the facts about it a bit now. I've beat this once it made me quit my job cause I worked around sketchy people. I'll beat it again!! I go in tomorrow for my first visit. I'll let you kno how it goes..sorry if I'm annoying btw lol
Haha yeah. I've done some research that makes me feel a bit better. I always thought that once the HIV was in a needle it was always in the needle and syringe could live there forever. I've done some research and found out that HIV can only live in the needle for 36 days which makes me feel better!!
That's weird then that your account got deleted. Anyway, now you know why they get mad and you can save yourself some trouble :)
Here are some facts...you cannot get HIV from the surface of anything. The virus dies when it is not in the body. It cannot be spread by kissing because saliva is not an environment where it can thrive. It is only spread through the exchange of bodily fluids (not saliva) from an HIV person directly into the blood stream of another person. So just to keep it in perspective, if you were to take a needle that has HIV tainted blood in it and immediately stick yourself with it, you have less than a 1 percent chance of becoming HIV positive (0.3 percent to be exact). So this shows you that this virus is very, very hard to get otherwise we would all be HIV positive.
The guys on the HIV forum are there for one purpose and that is to state the facts. When you go there for reassurance and you are suffering from HIV anxiety or OCD, they are going to look at your risk or what you perceive to be your risk and say whether it is real or not. You fall under the no risk category because you never really had anything at all happen to you...you simply are having an OCD irrational thought going on. So what they get annoyed at is the constant asking for reassurance by posting the same questions almost like the answer they gave was never read by those suffering from HIV Anxiety and OCD. That is not what their forum is about and so they don't understand that the reassurance makes people feel better. They are there to simply state the facts. And you have to believe them because they DO know what they are talking about. Teak is HIV positive so trust me...he knows everything there is to know about HIV and how it is transmitted.
Also, if you bother them and bother them, they will "turn you in" and have your account disabled. Is that what happened?
The guys on the HIV forum are there for one purpose and that is to state the facts. When you go there for reassurance and you are suffering from HIV anxiety or OCD, they are going to look at your risk or what you perceive to be your risk and say whether it is real or not. You fall under the no risk category because you never really had anything at all happen to you...you simply are having an OCD irrational thought going on. So what they get annoyed at is the constant asking for reassurance by posting the same questions almost like the answer they gave was never read by those suffering from HIV Anxiety and OCD. That is not what their forum is about and so they don't understand that the reassurance makes people feel better. They are there to simply state the facts. And you have to believe them because they DO know what they are talking about. Teak is HIV positive so trust me...he knows everything there is to know about HIV and how it is transmitted.
Also, if you bother them and bother them, they will "turn you in" and have your account disabled. Is that what happened?
This ocdjohn..for some reason my account was disabled? Idk but I think I'm gonna ask the doctors on here some of the risk..like find out the facts. I feel like if I know most of the facts it'll help ease the anxiety. I was gonna do it in the HIV prevention on the non pay but seems like those guys get mad easy.
Thank you so much really. I'll make an appointment tomorrow to be seen..psychologist appointment is on Thursday and hopefully I can get into a Dr very soon. I'm starting to come the realization of my event like if he had a needle and it poked me id have felt it and it still wouldn't have been enough to infect and I don't know how my brain thinks a needle and a syringe can just stick To my clothes and me not feel it after rubbing myself down..all we had was slight shoulder contact. There's no way a needle in his pocket got stuck to me. My brain says 100 different things. I'll beat it. Im determined. Its not my first time with HIV but its my first time with this much irrational thoughts. I'll get past it
You are under so much stress. You are probably catastrophizing the relationship before it really ever gets going. Listen, you have the therapy appointment. Find a family doctor...get a referral from a friend. Go in there and describe what is going on. Just tell them that you have decided you cannot deal with it anymore. That you have made an appointment with a therapist, tell them when it is, give him/her the name and ask if there is something he/she can give you to help you in the mean time. You don't have to walk in and say "I want some klonopin." I figure you are going to see a psychologist and they can't prescribe meds anyway. Even if they give you xanax, that will help. I just prefer klonopin because it lasts longer in your system. Xanax works faster but doesn't last as long. Let them be the one to give you choices and if you want you can say you researched OCD and what people take and that you think klonopin, since it does last longer, will help you the most. I'm sure that he/she just needs to know that you are seeking other ways to get help with this problem.
I myself take klonopin every day at night to sleep. 1 mg along with 300 mg of Wellbutrin. This combination lets me lead a normal life. I have been without meds before and did pretty well but when that stressor comes into your life, the one that just upends everything, well that is when things go south and without the meds...I'm a flippin basket case.
Please trust me John...there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to have relationships and hopefully you will end up with someone who is supportive. This is a disorder not unlike diabetes. They don't produce enough insulin and we don't have enough serotonin. They go into a diabetic coma...we just start to "what-if" everything.
I myself take klonopin every day at night to sleep. 1 mg along with 300 mg of Wellbutrin. This combination lets me lead a normal life. I have been without meds before and did pretty well but when that stressor comes into your life, the one that just upends everything, well that is when things go south and without the meds...I'm a flippin basket case.
Please trust me John...there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to have relationships and hopefully you will end up with someone who is supportive. This is a disorder not unlike diabetes. They don't produce enough insulin and we don't have enough serotonin. They go into a diabetic coma...we just start to "what-if" everything.
Annnnd I break it down to make myself feel better like I barley bumped into this guy and I think a needle and a syringe is stuck to my body...and I felt myself down like right there I'm sure if it was there I would have felt it on me...then I tell my self he does have HIV(mind quickly shatters that with he shared the needle) then tells me a simple poke wouldn't infect...(minds says you will sit on it in your car and it'll push it into your veins.) I know that if the needles empty it can't infect which helps cause I don't see a herion or any addict filling up and needle and just waiting to use it. But my Mind is getting the best of me. I'm starting to date this beautiful amazing girl and I don't want to hurt her.. I don't want this to ruin that
I have no family doctor right now. I'd feel like if I went in there and got a family doctor and said I need klonopin they would think I'm trying to sell it. But I will contact one.
You are doing what every person with OCD does especially when the OCD is out of control. In this situation, I would have gotten in the car, done my breathing and said to myself "This is ridiculous, people don't get HIV this way, NOW MOVE ON!" Oddly enough when I yell at myself and I get mad, it helps me.
All of your irrational thoughts are normal for a person with OCD. It is also normal to go fleeting from one thought to the next. I know how desperate you are feeling and when that feeling comes I too cry. You feel like you are coming unglued. Honestly, and I'm not a doctor but just speaking from my own experience, I think you need klonopin right now. I don't know when your therapy appointment is but I would contact your GP, explain the situation, and ask to come in ASAP. You have to have an original script to get klonopin. It seems to me that you really need something right now to take the edge off so that you can get some rest from this. It is very, very hard to help ourselves when we are in this state.
All of your irrational thoughts are normal for a person with OCD. It is also normal to go fleeting from one thought to the next. I know how desperate you are feeling and when that feeling comes I too cry. You feel like you are coming unglued. Honestly, and I'm not a doctor but just speaking from my own experience, I think you need klonopin right now. I don't know when your therapy appointment is but I would contact your GP, explain the situation, and ask to come in ASAP. You have to have an original script to get klonopin. It seems to me that you really need something right now to take the edge off so that you can get some rest from this. It is very, very hard to help ourselves when we are in this state.
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