please help me someone... i need responses

[Traci1961]

Hello everyone, im 20 years old and have been dealing with a weird "ocd" now since i was 7.. i only remember recognizing it once i was 10 or 11 but my parents tell me of how ive been doing it for a long time. I guess ill try to explain it as best as i can. I have an obsession with "squaring out" square objects with my head on an intense level, rather it be a television, billboard, computer, ANYTHING square, i will keep my eyes in the center of the object, able to read and completely focus on it, but my head with start at the left top hand corner of the square, then physically in a small motion with my head will follow the square down, right, up, then left to return to where i started. I will continue to keep "squaring out" the object for minutes at a time, then i will catch myself doing it and stop, but am only able to stop for a couple seconds. I dont want anyone to think my dad is an ******* for this but until i was about 16 he would watch me everytime i would do it and laugh and say " You better stop that your heads going to fall off oneday" I would get so hurt and angry at him for that, i eventually ended up physically trying to hurt him because it was so stressful. He doesnt do that anymore because he knows its a serious thing for me and i never grew out of it. I cant watch tv or a good movie without getting laughed at, thank god the movie theatres are so dark... I just want to stop.. i want to be normal and not have to deal with this anymore.

[Will1801]

Glad to be of help. Sorry I couldn't advise anything very solid, it's just the way I tried to cope with mine. If you need someone to talk to who has been through all sorts of crap with OCD, I'm here. Nice to be able to open up about issues on this forum.

Take care

Will.

[Traci1961]

Thank you Will, and I have tried to stop.. hundreds of times over the years but for some reason without even noticing it i start squaring again.. I will try fidning another object to focus my mind on though and I really appreciate your reply to my question, just you replying to it made things alot easier on me.

[Will1801]

Hi there.

Compulsions are the strangest things, and I know how you feel when no-one understands and it makes you angry that they try and stop you doing it. I personally have not experienced your compulsion, but have experienced many similar. I managed to get rid of most of mine, I am now mostly  'pure-O'. Just try as hard as you can to stop it when you find yourself doing it, I know it's so much easier said than done but give it a go, if you find it stressful, I found that finding another object to do it on, then stopping on that one too, would help. This is because you overload your mind with objects you have been experiencing compulsions with and you aren't sure which one to focus on. Hope that makes a bit of sense. The first time is the hardest, I once had a thing about touching the corners of square objects, such as a table, for a certain number of times or until it 'felt' right. I was often there touching it for minutes, and then had to return because I got so stressed about it. Beat a compulsion once, and it gets easier from then on.

Hope this helps a bit, but the main thing is you are definitely not alone.

Regards,

Will.