please!!

[thankfultogod]

So,I have experienced alot of ocd forms type o and none ,cleaning organazing religious thoughts sexual hocd pocd and now fear of hiv I'm not sure if I am really infected with it or not ! but Now,I'm gonna tell you my story,
First I do self harm ,my friend used this blade and I think I noticed a stain of blood not really a one I don't know if it is blood or the thing that forms on blades when it gets old so I got it and cut myself like 1 hour later or less with few minutes , I am really scared like it's my first time to worry about something like this ,but I think that the blood didn't touch my skin I don't know really after I got home I thought about it its been two days and I can't stop thinking about it,now I feel like my throat hurts and some usual pain I used to experience everyday seemed dangerous to me I really need help please ! and tell me what is the risk that I got infected or not also it didn't touch my blood it just cut the skin ,I can't make blood tests because it'd make it worse, thank you so much !!!

[123tushar07]

you are struck in ocd and still you dont want to take help, ocd without treatment will remain with you in periods of waxing and waning, long time ocd can cause depression also.you are missing your life by this suffering, there is no problem that you can get in becoming a psychologist, if you your self have taken help for your illness. There are many persons suffering from serious mental disorders like bipolar,schizophrenia and others which have become psychiatrists and psychologists.

So its better that you should get treatment for ocd first and after ocd gets in control, you can do what you want , you can become a psychologist too.

[thankfultogod]

I can't actually go to a psychologist ,and I actually don't want to, wanting to be a Psychologist in the future gets in the ways of this. ..

[JGF25]

You need to see a psychologist.  Until you learn how to deal with the irrational thinking, you are going to be stuck.  

[thankfultogod]

No actually I haven't seen a therapist, I had thought of going out of this habit but I couldn't, now I just love taking care of my nails but I just did it and I was worried all the time about if the tools are clean when she cut the dead skin the fresh skin looked like its cut but its not cut by the tool she jut pulled the skin so thats why it's redish and now I am really concerned about if I'd get infected please reply

[JGF25]

I'm sorry...what do you mean by poking?  And honestly your statement of "cutting is a routine I've been doing for years now its fine I don't go near dangerous places" has me a bit concerned.  

It isn't normal behavior and it is usually behavior that is used to alleviate some sort of stress in a person's life.  I have read that it can be equivalent to taking a drug to level yourself out.  But over time more and more cutting could become necessary in order to get the same relief much like a drug addict will need more and more of the drug to get high.

Obviously you are full of anxiety and irrational thoughts.  This type of anxiety can actually lead a person to become sick by weakening their immune system.  Then anything you feel different with your body you are going to attribute it to that which you are afraid of.  OCD people go from one thing to the next pretty quickly if they don't get stuck on one particular thing.  

Have you ever seen a therapist?

[thankfultogod]

also ,sorry but I have another question, when I read about the symptoms of Hiv I read about poking in different ways ,after it I started to fee it ,even though now I have this belief that I am not infected but the poking is still there ,it started suddenly and it won't stop not like it hurts but its annoying and reminds me of the thought ,when I forget about it sometime It appears out of no where , I know I'm not infected but what's this then ,I can feel it everywhere and I'm worried

[thankfultogod]

but now I believe that all of this is ocd and such but why do I feel like pokes in my chest and such ,I began to give up on my life

[thankfultogod]

I appreciate this so much but how can HIV transfer though if not in this way? I am okay with my ocd cycles, but now whenever I read about Hiv symptoms I feel them in me I know its not true because its me panicking but I cant help, In past I used to have pink dots and it goes by itself but now when it showed up I had trouble with breathing and now it began to fade and its no where near the Hiv rash I've seen , cutting is a routin Ive been doing for years now its fine I dont go near dangerous places , whenever I read about Hiv I can feel the symptoms but when I forget about it I dont feel anything

[thankfultogod]

I appreciate this so much but how can HIV transfer though if not in this way? I am okay with my ocd cycles, but now whenever I read about Hiv symptoms I feel them in me I know its not true because its me panicking but I cant help, In past I used to have pink dots and it goes by itself but now when it showed up I had trouble with breathing and now it began to fade and its no where near the Hiv rash I've seen , cutting is a routin Ive been doing for years now its fine I dont go near dangerous places , whenever I read about Hiv I can feel the symptoms but when I forget about it I dont feel anything

[JGF25]

HIV dies once it comes into contact with the air.  It can only live inside a host which is why you need direct transmission.  Even if there was dried blood on the blade, you cannot get HIV from it.  And of course for anybody to become HIV positive, the person they are in direct contact with must also be positive.
You have nothing to worry about as far as HIV goes.

I do worry though that you have all these OCD tendencies and have not gotten any help.  Over time we do develop our own coping skills and that is what you are doing but cutting is a different ball game.  I think you need to see a psychologist and soon.  

Take care.  

[thankfultogod]

so I didn't use any treatment, I got used to my intrusive thoughts and can bear with it so after any type goes away another one comes after

[thankfultogod]

thanks for replying , well she did use it other times but ,I took it away from her that time ,and used it one hour later , but You know the thing that comes over things when it get washed ,I don't know if it was blood or that, but I don't remember that blood when I cut myself, and no I've been her friend since 3 years and her health is very good , but when I cut myself I didn't think about HIV or so but when I returned home I don't even know how did it come to my mind it kind of just popped ,and this cycle seems like my past hocd and pocd like I can't shake anyone's hand anymore even though I know it can't transfer in this way it just I think what if I put it in my mouth, also what raises my anxiety that we took this Rna viruses in science and that's why I'm so scared too

[JGF25]

Hi there....did you cut yourself right after your friend cut themselves or was it a blade that your friend had used at some other time?  Do you even know the HIV status of your friend???  

I'm sure what this is going to turn into is just another thought that is part and parcel to your OCD.  You know how it works.  We pick something and we drive ourselves crazy with the "what-if" questions.  

What treatment have you had in the past for your OCD?