too much pain

all, i was diagnosed with anxiety and was given xanax which made me very dull and depress. in order to treat depression docs gave me zoloft which triggered fear of harming myself.i used to see images of hurting myself with knife and sometimes other means. therefore, i developed a sharp fear for knives, heights, and guns etc etc..... that was in May of this year. i went cold turkey on all medicines but since then i am very down. i dont see any images anymore, but i am in constant fear of hurting myself, i avoid going to kitchen, if i see any knife i move it in a cabinet or a drawer. when i am walking about i constantly fear that i might hurt myself. it seems medicines didnt suit me at all and triggered my OCD due to suicidal images. Now, i am obsessed that there will be one day that i will out of impluse eventually hurt myself. Besides that i am still going through withdrawal symptoms of medicines, like electricity in my body, tremors, headaches, vivid dreams and anxiety.
i am hoping that this fear of hurting myself will go away since it was triggered by medicines. Is there anyone out there who has gone through the same ordeal as mine and since eventually managed to overcome medicines based OCD ?

[Binsta]

Hi I havent taken Xanax but I took Zoloft for depression and OCD and had the same suicidal affects as you even reaching for the knife and putting it on my wrists.  I changed to Ciprimil and take 40mgs and am much much better dont have any thoughts anymore of harming myself and also its helping my OCD.  The medicines should all be out of your system by now, I would see a psych  to confirm this, as you may need to try a new med based on your current symptoms?

[Mav1977]

Thanks Binsta, i think i am obsessed with my thoughts now. I will definately see a psychologist, as for medicines they have done more harm than help. i most probably will seek psycho therapy which is a long term healing process and will require a lot of patience and self control.
What sort of OCD do u suffer from ?

[Binsta]

welcome Mav

I suffer from fear of germs resulting in handwashing obsessively and also fear of getting poisened from trees, poisoness plants etc.  I do also have obsessive thoughts if I dont do something someone will die that I know.  I fear taking new medicines too and if they react to medicine I already take.  I did 2 years with psychologist doing psycho therapy, in the end I ended up having another baby which bought OCD worse again so had to see psychiatrist instead as I needed meds as well as psycho therapy.  Goodluck

[toejam_muncher]

hopefully you don't exclude meds all together. generally if a certain medication in this class doesn't agree with you, it's effects can eventually be undone if you simply discontinue the med. but if you really aren't going to use meds, then yes psychotherapy would be a very good idea.

[Mav1977]

thanks for your response. my psychologist who is also the chairman of the board of psychologist in my state of michigan told me that her psychotherpary wont work if i dont get on medicines. i found it to be odd for what she sad. anyways, i called my psychiatrist and she wanted to put me on serequeol. since meds brought me to this condition i am not willing to try anything... only prayers are the time when i get immense relief from pain i suffer.. looking at my small family also gives me hope in life.