Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
worried i like bdsm
About This Community:

This community is an un-mediated, community for questions and support regarding Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues such as: causes, check locks, check stoves, clean things, count items, dirt, doubt, drugs and medications, family and relationship issues, fear of forgetting, fear that a mistake will harm a loved one, financial issues, germs, horrific images, OCD research , order things, perform rituals, repugnant images, repugnant religious thoughts, repugnant sexual thoughts, , shower, symmetry, symptoms, touch things, treatment, violent images, wash hands

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

worried i like bdsm

I know ive got ocd but im not sure if its that im attracted to bdsm or not.........whenever i check i dont get errect but im worried anxiety is stopping me from getting errect because whenever im anxious i find it hard to get errect......so basically back when i had the fear of being a pedophile i decided to think of a fantasy to see if i get aroused....which consisted of me slapping an imaginary little sister for not doing her homework and asking her to give me ora for not doing her homework and today i started thinking what if that checking fantasy i had reflects on my sexual preferences? what if i really am into bdsm?? i watched a lot of bdsm and never got errect but then i was watching this video and the scene changes to when shes tied up on all fours and automaticaly felt attraction without een thinking about it then a thought popped up in my mind saying wow thats hot which really freaked me out.......then i started obssessing about if im into femdom because i remember there was a scene in the movie (not porn just a comedy) where the girl ties the guy up and whips him and i was pretty young then and it aroused me so im not sure whether its becuase it was a sexual scene or whether it was becuase i was turned on by the whip (i sometimes get false memory so im never sure :( ) ....i looked up femdom and didnt get errect either....whats really confusing me is that the groinal responses only came when the man was getting analed by the female and no where else and any other time i hecked bdsm id hardly get a groinal response which is making me think that im only aroused by stuff that doesnt give me groinal responses becuase doesnt ocd work opposite? meaning i didnt get aroused by bondagee because anxietys hiding it but felt arousal from gay porn an a woman gicing anal to man becuase im not aroused by it.....im just so confued :(.....earlier i tried slapping my self in the face a few times to see if it turned me on and when i slapped myself i whispered 'oohhh ****' and to me it almost sounded sexual and im just worried i like pain now :(.....sorry if this does make full sense i just need some help please :( i feel really sick about this :(
23 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
*asking her to give me oral
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
*btw in the fantasy to check the pedophile ocd thing i think i said 'you need to be punished' and i think i was forcing her to gve me oral in the thought checking proses....did i picture this scenario because bondage turns me on or was it just the way the thought was....im just worried that reflects on my sexual preferences....ps ive never had the urge to watch bdsm and never fantasised about it
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
Okay...the first thing an OCD sufferer shouldn't do is overanalyze and you are doing just that.  Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?  That is all about BDSM and everyone that reads it gets turned on.  Doesn't mean they are into BDSM but that it is something diffrent and different is usually new and exciting.  I think you are reading way too much into this and the testing that you are doing is just keeping you in the OCD loop of thinking.  

Read my post "The Anatomy of a Horrific Thought" and you will see why you are stuck.  You need to learn to say "Whatever" and let things go.  Did you ever see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist for your OCD?  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hey thanks for the reply :) i am going to therapy soon...but what about the fantasy i created when i was checking about pocd?? does that reflect on my sexual preferences or shall i just leave it? because if im not into that stuff then why would i even check using bdsm themes?? surely i wouldnt have put thise themes in the thought if it wouldnt turn me on
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
another random thing just happened my mum tapped me just above the knee and now im worried i want to do something with my mum ...I HATE OCD :(
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Because i got a groinal response when i get tapped like wtf :(
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
and i wasnt even worrying about anything at the time what does this mean?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
hello?
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
POCD is also a very common irrational thought.  Think about what OCD people key in on.  They key in on what they would find horrifying to themselves.  POCD, HOCD, feeling like you are going to harm somebody you love...these are all horrifying thoughts to somebody who isn't a ped or gay or abusive.  Did you read my post I mentioned to see how OCD actually works?

As far as the fantasy.  Actually fantasy can be a form of therapy.  If you truly pictured yourself harming a child, do you think you would come out of the fantasy feeling good?  Do you think this is who you are?  That is what this fantasy stuff does.  For instance when I was afraid I would kill my husband by accident...I pictured this.  I went into a dark room and I closed my eyes and I pictured myself stabbing my husband.  I had to do this several times.  And what I realized is that that person I was seeing in my mind's eye is not me.  It isn't something I would ever do.  And so once I got to that point, the thought went away.  I gained closure on that one.  

The POCD...I have thought that before...what if I wake up and become a P person.  Well I'm not.  It was just one more horrying thought that my mind came up with.  HOCD...been there.  Actually you name it and I've have probably thought it, what-iff'd it and catastrophized it.  

A psychologist is your best bet.  They can help you sort through all these thoughts and teach you ways to let them go.  Do you think that "normal" people don't think these thoughts?  They do...but they are able to easily dismiss them.  That is where "normals" differ from people with OCD.  Our brain chemistry is a bit messed up and so we either have to retrain our brain or we take medication to "fix" our brain chemistry.  

All is not lost.  You just need a bit of help getting through this.  Sometimes we can't fix things on our own.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Yeah thank for the advice :) and im going to my go on tuesday to sort something out.....another strange thing happened today a woman on the tv said 'hit me, oh' in a really horny voice and it kinda turned me on was this because it was sexual and its just my hormones acting on the arousal....should i worry about this?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
and ill check your post about the book soon sorry i havent yet
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
actually he said 'hit me, yes!' ....is it a turn on becuase of the sexual voice?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
But i got turned on as soon as she said 'hit me' and she sounded really horny
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
I think you are reaching for closure and you are still doing testing (tv comment and over analysis) so the sooner you see somebody the better.  I can't diagnose you on the forum.  You would need to have a comprehensive analysis by a doctor.  When something bothers somebody as much as this is bothering you...IMO it is irrational thinking.  What I was told once is that we, meaning people with OCD and irrational thoughts, don't carry out the thoughts.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
thanks for ur reply u have been help :) cant wait  to see a therapist
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
helpful*
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
but wait a minute sorry to drag on........the tv comment was when i wasnt thinking about anything ocd related so i just wanted to known is it possible that the arousal came becuase it was sex related and her facial expression and voice was horny??
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
Consciously you were not thinking about it but subconsciously it is there.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
but im thinking i may have been turned on by how horny she sounded too?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
im 16 so it could be hormones too couldnt it? i just wanna know for future references
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
also felt a split second of excitemet in my chest with it
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
I don't have an answer for you.  Hormones are probably playing a role.   I know you are stressed about this but you have to stop the analysis.  When you start try to picture a red handle in your mind and picture yourself pulling it toward you and say STOP in your head.  Also try this breathing technique when you get anxious....take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for five seconds and count this out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth.  Keep breathing until your heart rate is back down.  

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
okay ill try and resist reassurance and thank you so much! the breathing technique is really useful too :) this ocd is stopping me from doing the things i love its time for me to win!
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Personality Disorder Answerers
1699033_tn?1405352675
Blank
JGF25
Somewhere in, MD
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
warriorromeo
India
480448_tn?1403547723
Blank
nursegirl6572
PA