Hi, I'm 16 and a guy and Im wondering if Im gay or hocd.
My Life PRE- hocd or whatever
I always liked women, i thought they were sexy and amazing and i wanted to marry one. I loved women and i always got off to straight and lesbian porn. I was exposed to sex at a young age, like 5 and i jacked off to women then too. The only gay moment ive had is when i imagined masturbating with my guyfriend and i think i liked it. (Not completely sure cuz it was a long time ago) Ive had doubts bfor but not like what im experiencing now. When I was little like again 5my friend told me about michael jackson and his sex scandal with like little boys. I think i got a boner but i was like 5 so im not really sure why, because that insinuates that not only am i gay but i like rape too, and i dont. I felt the need to put that there because my mind wouldnt have left me alone otherwise. I also think i was just attracted to the idea of sex because it was so new to me and such and such. I also have a question, can like hocd like build up and then explode? cuz if it could that would make so much sense. I also never thought of my guy friends sexually besides that one incident. I only stared at their faces and not their dicks cuz i just didnt care about what my friends dicks look like. I also thought being gay was unnatural, im really sorry i never said that to anyone or anything its just my personal opinion.
My life during hocd and how i got it
I woke up a couple days ago and randomely was really anxious about if i was gay or not, i mean it was too the point where i wanted to cry and sleep , but i couldnt, it was scaring me way to much . So i watched gay porn and tried to jack off to it, to my horror i got a boner and for the rest of the night i was up scared to death that i was gay. After that day i just couldnt get this idea out of my head, i hated it i just wanted my old life back of lusting for women. Now i dont know what to think about gay people. I ve had homosexual thoughts and i hate it. I have never had thoughts like this about my friends before. In school now i always try to test myself, do i like his ****? And i have pretty much lost all attraction to women. Quite frankly im scared of them. Im scared that if they strip in front of me i wont get turned on. I just want my old life where i loved women wholeheartedly. It has been bothering me forever, its been like a month, and it has gotten a little better, i can take my mind off this if im doing something realy fun like football or ice hockey, but other than that i just constatnly have this pit of anxiety in my chest. PLEASE HELP I have also felt the need to be nice to gay guys, like this guy in my class whos really girly i feel the need to be nice to him? But if the girl i liked came over from the other side he became irrelevant. And this really fueled my hocd
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