This patient support community is for discussions relating to ostomy, colostomy, diet and nutrition, gastrostomy ileostomy, jejunostomy, ostomy reversal, sex and relationships, stoma, urostomy, and wound care.
I have posted here before, but this is really serious. I'm 27 and had an almost deadly battle with ulcerative colitis last year which resulted in emergency subtotal colectomy and now I have an ileostomy. I'm sort of okay with it. Being 27, I kind of feel like I've skipped past my "prime" in young adulthood. Nevertheless, I've adapted. I don't have any children, but it's something that I want more than anything in this entire world. I would be willing to adopt if I ever have to, but I don't want to. I want to give birth to my own children and conceive naturally, but that may not be a possibility. I still have my rectal stump and it is inflamed and needs to come out sooner than later. I would also like to have the j-pouch surgery so I can go back to wearing form-fitting clothes, rather than just empire waist shirts to hide it (and I don't care what anyone says, I cannot hide my ostomy, esp. when I have gas). Anyway, I've been told by at least three doctors that I should have a few kids before I have the surgery because when I have the surgery, not only will they mangle my fallopian tubes, but also the scar tissue will probably prevent me from being able to conceive naturally or even at all. Bummer. I'm depressed because of that. My husband and I tried for 8 months to have a child, but to no avail. I am depressed, not just because of the ostomy, but because I have not conceived and almost everyone I know has children. I see mommies with their kids and I get so sad because I don't have my own. Well, since I have been depressed and I still have this inflammation, my husband wants me to get the j-pouch and rectal surgery as soon as possible. I don't want to because I want to have kids first. He understands that, but he feels that because the inflammation is bothering me so much, it will eventually turn cancerous and he said he'd rather me be here to help him raise our kids or have no kids at all than have me die from cancer. I almost died once, and that was very hard for him to handle. I just don't know what to do. It seems hard enough that the quality of my life has decreased because of my ostomy, but to have the surgery and be able to do all of the things I used to do, but not be able to have children, is a double edged sword. My husband said, "Do it for me," and that's so hard to hear from him. He doesn't ask for much and I don't want to let him down, but I don't want to mess up my body to the point where my uterus remains empty. I think I'll probably be more depressed after the surgery than I am now. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'll take anything. I just need some feedback. Thank you.
Hi I undersatnd how you feel I was 22 when I had to have my Urostomy and 7 years ago I had to have my bladder removed so I am stuck with it for life. I found it very hard to come to terms with but you do eventually but like you I have never had children even after trying for 4 year. And after all this I am having a hysterectomy on tuesday so will never have any this hurt at 1st but I have been in agony with bad periods etc so decided it was for the best if I want to have any sort of a normal life. I have suffered for years from depression because of it but you have to keep telling yourself that this was done for a reason and things will improve and I know its not the same but maybe you can adopt one day. If not I hope you have lots of neices or nephews you can spoil rotten and they will love you just as much. Please don't feel like your alone you are not. Take care and if you ever want to talk just message me ok Jen
Well, I cannot understand your yearning for a child. To me it does not matter at all. I would have simply forgotten about it. That may be because I am a male. But I feel for your pain. It must be hurting and I can only sympathise with you and be able to do nothing at all.
My only advice is to reconcile with what you have rather than want to have that you cannot. People all over the world live with deficiencies and many die even before achieving what they could have but never did.
Take care of your husband who makes a lot of sense to me for you.
I can sympathise completely with your situation as I have just had my urostomy done and had my bladder removed along with 60% of my vagina I have been let down by being told I have now lost my fertility. my fiance and I were planning on trying for a baby after the wedding in the new year. All I can say to you is what others are saying to me......once you have adopted your child they will be as much your child as if they were biologically yours. You will love that child just as much..... and they will also love you as their mummy and thats something worth thinking about. Save yourself the torture and start looking forward to making a life for an unwanted child you will be their world.
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