I went to PMH yesterday to meet Dr.Finelli who is a urological oncology surgeon. I explained to him about all that's gone on with my stents, my nephrostomy, my infections, my kidney pain. I really pleaded my case but, just as I suspected, the only thing he offered me was another nephrostomy. I asked him why he couldn't just remove my kidney and he said that I'm only 30 years old. I'm facing a lifetime of chemotherapy and it would be very un-wise to remove my kidney knowing that I'll need it. I asked him what would happen if I just left it and he very bluntly said "it will die". So, those were my options. Go through the hell of a nephrostomy again (don't even want to think about it) or leave my kidney, keep ignoring the pain and let it die. Needless to say, I picked the lesser of two evils...I'm scheduled to have another nephrostomy put in at the end of January.
Am I happy about this? Not at all. I actually, honest to God, had a nightmare about it last night. I get panicked just thinking about it. They have to wait 28 days to make sure all the Avastin is out of my system or I could risk a hemorrhage. I told him I want to do my next treatment (December 16th), then have my CT scan and then we'll wait it out and do the procedure. Either way, this really, really *****....
He explained to me that he'll just put a tube into my kidney and then, in a few months time if that's going well, he'll attach another tube onto the end of that one and thread it through my ureter and into my bladder. He said the nice thing about that one, is that if it goes well, you can un-hook the external bag and cap it off, so all your left with is a bandage on your back. It sounds better than toting a urine bag around but let's face it, there's nothing "nice" about any of it...
I don't know if I can handle going through this all again. I really, really don't. I'm telling you, I'm tempted to just let my kidney shrivel up and die at this point...I just don't know if it's worth it.
Sigh...Becky, I'm so sorry about this. I'm glad you chose the option you did. Please know we'll be praying for you and are here for you. As Sharon said, there are no words other than the love and support. Take care and hugs.
I am so sorry Becky. It does suck, and especially with the holidays on top of us. I do hope it works this time, but hate that you have to go thru so much. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Hey there, kiddo. Wow....somedays it just seems things couldn't get any worse and then somehow they do! This seems to be one of those times. Life is really unfair, isn't it? Still, you have decided to keep moving on. The Holidays are here.....it's you and little Tybear, once again. You know, the end of December isn't here yet.....Christmas is around the corner. Granted, the end of January will get here eventually, but, don't let the end of January ruin your "here and now".......I know it's easier said than done, and in your young years you have experienced more than many of what we older women have, and I do respect that. Still, you don't have a crystal ball, you don't know what the future holds.....all I am trying to say is try not to let "the dread of the future" steal what joy you might find today. And if I don't talk to you again before Christmas.....Merry Christmas!
Becky - we just can't catch a break can we?!?!?! I'm sorry sweetie, I truly am. I'm not going to pretend to know what you are going through right now, but I will tell you that I love you and pray for you all the time. Please email me if you want to vent, I'm all ears... or eyes?? ;) Would it be 'I'm all eyes' when you read an email by a friend who is venting?? Either way, I'm here. With love, D
I feel so bad for you to have to pick the best of 2 evils!!! Whys can't we just have this disease and treat it occassionally and then live a good life in between?? I'll keep you in pray and hope you have at least a good holiday before you have to have surgery.(((hugz))~~Joanne
Thanks everyone, for your kind words.
I'm kind of in a daze right now...somewhere between trying to accept it and not wanting to even think about it.
Sorry I didn't respond sooner...my hard drive on my computer crashed and I just got it back today.
Oh honey, I am so very, very sorry. I can't even imagine what you will have to go through. Are you collecting urine outside now and will this allow you to stop that if all goes well, or have you been able to urinate regularly up until now? I am sorry I don't know what is going on with you; I have just forgotten so much. I don't know what I would do if they told me I would have to pee into a bag on my leg for 3 months again. It gave me nightmares too. You just cannot have a sex life with a bag of pee on you thigh. I know that is the least of our worries right? Sweetie, you do whatever you have to do and you do it for Ty. You know that is why you keep going. If they can open your kidney and you can go on your own and not have to lose that kidney that would be best no matter what. (Easy for me to say, I know)
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